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FILLING YOUR NON-SEQUITUR NEEDS SINCE 1997

WEEKLY WHINE

Administrative notes for APR 2016

GoobNet is currently functioning. If and when it ceases to function, we will post an announcement to that effect here on GoobNet.

But in the meantime, whilst GoobNet continues to function, we encourage you to take advantage of some of the interesting items that are taking place in and around the GoobNet universe. Please don’t be afraid to notify me right away at <reg‍@‍goobnet.net> if you encounter difficulties with anything taking place in and around the GoobNet universe.

In addition, please note that the phrase “GoobNet universe” is not to be shortened, especially not to “GoobNiverse”.

PENDING DELETION

Our Pending Deletion scheme continues apace. We have now deleted 79 people, places, or things, most recently Bill Cosby’s reputation. However, that was more than a year ago. Since that time, 31 people, places, or things have successfully defended themselves against deletion. If you can identify a person, place, or thing that you think has what it takes to be deleted, why not nominate it?

SILLY BONUS

As you are no doubt aware, the fine print regarding the GoobNet Silly Bonus has recently changed. We were forced into this change due to the many bots that have been stealing the Silly Bucks that were intended for you, our hard working readers.

If, however, you are not familiar with the changes, here is a summary. Every time you win the GoobNet Silly Bonus, you will have the choice of 4,096 or 8,192 Silly Bucks. If you select 8,192 Silly Bucks, that is what you will win. If, however, you select 4,096 Silly Bucks, that is what you will win, but we will also deduct 16,384 Silly Bucks from the accounts of all bots and redistribute those Silly Bucks to all other humans who are GoobNet readers.

We feel that this is a good way to keep humans in the hunt for the Silly Bonus whilst still giving bots their fair share. In addition, each time you win the GoobNet Silly Bonus, you will have the opportunity to show your support for Team Human.

WHAT DEBBIE IS UP TO

Hi. You may have been wondering what I’ve been up to. I have been hosting a documentary series about bridges, to be titled Famous Bridges Not in Brooklyn or San Francisco. Thus far we’ve recorded material in Scotland, British Columbia, Texas, Egypt, and Italy. We’ve got trips to India, China PR, Korea Rep, and Indonesia coming up, so if you live near a famous bridge that is not in Brooklyn or San Francisco, why not drop by and say hello. – Debbie

REHEARSED REVENUE

Our leading long play game, Rehearsed Revenue, will soon begin its eighth iteration. Sign up today for exclusive access to tips and hints compiled by the player with the user name HerdTheKestin, who has finished in the top three in every iteration of Rehearsed Revenue to date. These hints will help you maximise your digestions and get the most out of your ducks’ performances. But the only way to get access to these hints is by signing up early, so jump in today!

FRIENDS OF ANGER

Our Friends of Anger long play game is nearing completion. Currently, Donald Drumpf of New York City, NY, USA is leading the Specific Person, Specific Target, and Freeform Anger divisions. If you think you have enough anger to challenge Donald, we would like to hear from you!

And yes, we are aware that we will probably come to regret that invitation.

SUPER FACTUAL ERROR

Congratulations to Mizuki of Nagoya, Japan, who found our latest Super Factual Error at 23:46:19 UTC on MON 15 MAR 2016. She won 65,536 Silly Bucks by finding this error, which was: “The Vomitometer was operating with its highest accuracy yet”. We have now selected our new Super Factual Error. If you, like Mizuki, would like to win 65,536 Silly Bucks, just find that Super Factual Error.

IMPRESSIONS OF IMPLOSIONS

John Madden once famously said, “I always looked forward to a good imploding”. In that spirit, we are now starting the Impressions of Implosions participatory experience. What objects are most likely to implode, and what objects are most enjoyable to implode? If you were able to answer these questions off the top of your head, Impressions of Implosions is the participatory experience for you. Why not join in today and begin imploding?

ESSAY CONTEST

It is time once again for another GoobNet Essay Contest. This time, we are looking for essays between 3,000 and 13,000 words in length, of which at least 90% must be English. You may submit entries for any or all of the following topics.

  • Which Doctor Who villain is best suited to manage the city of Portland, OR, USA? Why?
  • The Golden State Warriors now have a chance to surpass the record of 72 wins in an NBA season, currently held by the 1995-6 Chicago Bulls. This has prompted many questions about which team would win in a hypothetical matchup. These questions, of course, are nonsensical, but what specific aspect of the 1995-6 Bulls, of the 2015-6 Warriors, of the evolution of the NBA, or of the nature of time is most responsible for said nonsensicality? Support your answer with a proof.
  • Which celebrity, past or present, is the most similar to the Impact font, and what would you say to this celebrity to convince him or her to begin using the Impact font in all of his or her communications?

The winning essay in each category will receive 65,536 GoobNet Silly Bucks and will be our guest at the CONCACAF Ordinary Congress in México, DF, Mexico on THU 12 MAY 2016. Good luck, and happy writing.

PLEASE SEND ALL POORLY PLANNED BUSINESS PROPOSALS TO <GOOBNET‍@‍GOOBNET.NET>

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