WEEKLY WHINE

Grabbing for the rings

There now follows a ranking of the top Summer Olympic events that currently exist for one gender but most need to be added for the other, or for mixed teams.

1. Women’s decathlon: Forcing women to compete in the heptathlon and not the decathlon is indefensible, especially considering that women already compete in all ten decathlon events [except that they do 100 m hurdles instead of 110 m hurdles; see below].
2. Women’s 1,500 m freestyle swim: At the Olympics, this distance is currently performed by men only, but both men and women swim this distance at the World Aquatics Championships.
3. Men’s 800 m freestyle swim: At the Olympics, this distance is currently performed by women only, but both men and women swim this distance at the World Aquatics Championships.
4. Women’s super heavyweight boxing: For women, this weight class does not currently exist, but it needs to be added. Having ten boxing events for men, but only three for women, is an outrage.
5. Women’s heavyweight boxing: For women, this weight class is >81 kg.
6. Women’s light heavyweight boxing: For women, this weight class is ≤81 kg.
7. Women’s welterweight boxing: For women, this weight class is ≤69 kg.
8. Women’s light welterweight boxing: For women, this weight class is ≤64 kg.
9. Women’s bantamweight boxing: For women, this weight class is ≤54 kg.
10. Women’s light flyweight boxing: For women, this weight class is ≤48 kg.
11. Women’s 110 m hurdles: Women’s hurdling was added at the 1932 Olympics, but it was a distance of only 80 m. It was changed to 100 m in 1972, but it needs to change again to be the same distance as the men.
12. Women’s rings gymnastics: Men’s artistic gymnastics places an emphasis on upper body strength, but women’s does not. There is, of course, no reason why this should be the case.
13. Women’s horizontal bar gymnastics: If both genders had to compete in all events, it would open up artistic gymnastics to all sorts of body types.
14. Men’s balance beam gymnastics: Admit it: You totally want to see Max Whitlock walk a ten centimetre beam.
15. Women’s pommel horse gymnastics: The argument against adding this event has something to do with women not having the arm strength, or some bullshit.
16. Men’s uneven bars gymnastics: Equalising artistic gymnastics between the genders will probably mean eliminating either the parallel bars or the uneven bars. We vote for eliminating the parallel bars and making men compete on the uneven bars.
17. Women’s ≤48 kg Greco-Roman wrestling: Though the 2016 Summer Olympics finally have the same number of freestyle wrestling weight classes for both women and men, women do not currently have the opportunity to participate in Greco-Roman wrestling.
18. Women’s ≤53 kg Greco-Roman wrestling: Women do not currently have the opportunity to participate in Greco-Roman wrestling.
19. Women’s ≤58 kg Greco-Roman wrestling: Women do not currently have the opportunity to participate in Greco-Roman wrestling.
20. Women’s ≤63 kg Greco-Roman wrestling: Women do not currently have the opportunity to participate in Greco-Roman wrestling.
21. Women’s ≤69 kg Greco-Roman wrestling: Women do not currently have the opportunity to participate in Greco-Roman wrestling.
22. Women’s ≤75 kg Greco-Roman wrestling: Women do not currently have the opportunity to participate in Greco-Roman wrestling.
23. Open Finn sailing: The Finn has been part of the Olympics since 1952, and for most of that time, the event was open to both men and women.
24. Women’s K1 1,000 m: Women perform the 500 m and not this distance. Again, women should compete in the same distances as the men.
25. Women’s K2 1,000 m: The only women’s K2 race is 500 m.
26. Women’s K2 200 m: The only women’s K2 race is 500 m.
27. Women’s K4 1,000 m: The only women’s K4 race is 500 m.
28. Women’s 50 km walk: Women’s race walking was finally added to the Olympics in 2000, but only the 20 km distance.
29. Women’s heavyweight weightlifting: There are seven weight classes for male weightlifters, but only six for female participants. The highest weight class for women is currently >75 kg, but the competitors in this class ranged anywhere from 80 kg to 143 kg. Adding another weight class would give these lifters the opportunity to compete on more level grounds.
30. Women’s C1 slalom: This event will be added in 2020.
31. Women’s C2 slalom: The men’s version of this event will be dropped after 2016.
32. Women’s C1 1,000 m: Women’s sprint canoeing will be added in 2020.
33. Women’s C2 1,000 m: Women’s sprint canoeing will be added in 2020.
34. Women’s C1 200 m: Women’s sprint canoeing will be added in 2020.
35. Mixed duet synchronised swimming: The mixed duet event was first held at last year’s World Aquatics Championships. Christina Jones and Bill May of the United States won the technical routine, and Darina Valitova and Aleksandr Maltsev of Russia won the free routine.
36. Men’s duet synchronised swimming: Men’s synchronised swimming was popular as late as the 1950s. Whilst it is currently in a renaissance, the major championships still have no events specifically for men.
37. Men’s team synchronised swimming: We would like to see this event, but on the condition that the distance swimmers have to compete. Would Michael Phelps dominate in this event as well?
38. Men’s group rhythmic gymnastics: Yes, men’s rhythmic gymnastics is a thing.
39. Men’s individual rhythmic gymnastics: East Asia and Europe are comparative hotbeds for men’s rhythmic gymnastics.
40. Women’s coxless four rowing: Who says women need a cox?
41. Women’s lightweight coxless four rowing: Who says lightweight women need a cox?
42. Men’s 100 m hurdles: No, really, why don’t women run the same distance as men?
43. Men’s heptathlon: No, really, why don’t women compete in the same number of disciplines as men?
44. Men’s K1 500 m: Women perform this distance and not the 1,000 m, which is total bullshit.
45. Men’s K2 500 m: Women perform this distance only, which is total bullshit.
46. Men’s K4 500 m: Women perform this distance only, which is total bullshit.
47. Women’s 50 m rifle prone shooting: The argument against including this event, apparently, is that women should not be lying down on the job.
48. Women’s double trap shooting: Women currently get to shoot at only one thing at a time.
49. Women’s 50 m pistol shooting: Women only perform pistol shooting at the 25 m distance.
50. Women’s 25 m rapid fire pistol shooting: Women currently do not get the opportunity to compete in rapid fire shooting.
51. Women’s Laser sailing: The Laser is a bigger version of the Laser Radial dinghy.
52. Men’s Laser Radial sailing: The Laser Radial is a smaller version of the Laser dinghy.
53. Women’s 49er sailing: The 49er is a heavier weight version of the 49erFX.
54. Men’s 49erFX sailing: The 49erFX is a lighter weight version of the 49er.
55. Men’s 25 m pistol shooting: Men only perform pistol shooting at the 50 m distance.
56. Women’s parallel bars gymnastics: Parallel bars for women, of course, would be much less fun than uneven bars for men.
57. Women’s team foil fencing: Team fencing events are rotated at the Olympics. Women’s team foil will return at the Tokyo games in 2020, and the team épée will be out that time.
58. Men’s team sabre fencing: Team fencing events are rotated at the Olympics. Men’s team sabre will return at the Tokyo games in 2020, and the team foil will be out that time.