WEEKLY WHINE

The fair way to play fair

The International Football Association Board has recently prepared a collection of proposals for changing the game of football, under the title “Play Fair!”.

The proposals have many things: a logo, a needlessly animated website, and a ridiculously glossy brochure, but those things do not make them good. But what does make them good? Why, the endorsement of the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED], of course.

The GoobNet SPEED has evaluated many proposals for improving football, including its own and proposals by others. So, therefore, we turn to them to help us figure out whether the Play Fair proposals will improve the game. They have ranked the proposals on a scale of That won’t actually help to You mean we’re not already doing that?!.

YOU MEAN WE’RE NOT ALREADY DOING THAT?!

Award a goal if it is prevented by a handball

The National Football League has a rule about “palpably unfair acts”, which gives the referees almost infinite leeway if a rule violation clearly changes the outcome of a play. Seven years after the Luis Suárez handball, the board has finally realised that football needs a similar rule.

Increased responsibility for the captain

The first proposal in the brochure is to designate team captains as the primary point of contact with the players of each side. The captain would be the only player who may talk to the referee about a contentious situation, and the board would also consider introducing a Captain’s Code of Responsibilities.

Our reaction, of course, is this: How is this not already a thing? We go to all the trouble to force teams to designate a captain, have the captain wear an armband, and have the captain give the armband to a teammate when substituted or sent off. But most are surprised when they discover that the fancy armband doesn’t actually give the captain any official status or responsibilities.

Stricter calculation of stoppage time

The board proposes instructing referees to stop their watches during injuries, substitutions, and various other play stoppages. Incredibly, this implies that referees are not already instructed to do so. Note that this proposal would be obsoleted if we stop the clock at play stoppages [see below].

YES, DO IT TODAY, IF NOT SOONER

Stop the clock at play stoppages

This is one of the board’s most radical proposals, and it certainly attracted the most attention. In hopes of stopping timewasting, the board proposes stopping the clock when the ball is out of play – either at the end of each half, or throughout the match.

If it is done throughout the match, the board’s proposal is to reduce the length of each half – their suggestion is thirty minutes – but have the clock run only when the ball is in play. As a result, every match would have the same effective playing time, and timewasting would now be pointless.

Stop the stadium clock with the referee’s watch

To go hand in hand with the above proposal, the board also proposes having the stadium clock start and stop, either through a link to the referee’s watch, or under control of a timekeeper based on the referee’s instructions. This should finally put an end to timewasting: everyone can see that the clock is not running and that there is no point dallying.

Sanctions for mass confrontation

In accordance with the proposal for increasing the captains’ responsibilities, the board proposes banning players other than the captains from mobbing the referee, to be sanctioned by cards, fines, or even points deductions. MLS has already taken a step in this direction by fining teams for repeated mass confrontation violations during the season. These fines, however, do not seem to have helped much so far.

Clarify rules on handball

The board proposes a clear and consistent definition of what constitutes handball. It has not actually written this definition; it has merely proposed that such a definition should exist.

Permit self passing on restarts

When a free kick, corner kick, or goal kick is taken, the same player cannot touch the ball again until someone else touches it first. The board proposes removing this requirement, having finally realised that there is no point to it.

Cards for bench officials

Referees can caution or send off coaches and other bench officials, and this was originally signalled by showing a yellow or red card, just as with the players. But about ten years ago, the IFAB decided that cards should only be shown to players on the pitch. The result, predictably, was confusion about who was warned or dismissed, and for what.

Enforce six second rule

Goalkeepers are not permitted to handle the ball for more than six seconds at a time. At least, that’s what the Laws of the Game say. The board is proposing actually enforcing this rule.

Permit playing the ball within the area after goal kicks and free kicks in the defensive penalty area

Currently, when the defending team takes a restart in their own penalty area – a goal kick or a free kick – nobody else, not even a teammate, may play the ball until it leaves the area. The board proposes removing this requirement, having finally realised that there is no point to it.

Make substitutes exit at the nearest line

The board proposes forcing substituted players to exit the pitch at the nearest line, rather than allowing them to take a leisurely stroll to the sideline, slap hands with their replacement, and share a warm embrace. If we simply stop the clock at play stoppages [see above], this proposal would no longer be needed.

YEAH, OKAY, LET’S LOOK AT THAT

Permit goal kicks when the ball is moving

The board proposes allowing goal kicks if the ball has not come to a complete stop, claiming that when a goal kick has to be retaken for this reason, it “annoys people”. This is true, but the people should be annoyed at the player who took the goal kick without waiting for the ball to stop, and not at the referee.

Change the penalty shootout order

The board proposes taking penalty shootouts in snake fashion: the first team takes one penalty, and then the teams alternate taking two penalties at a time. This helps avoid the problem of the same team constantly having to play from behind. In reality, though, we here at GoobNet have already solved the problem of how to decide a winner.

End the half only when the ball is out of play

The board proposes forcing the referee to wait until the ball is out of play before blowing the halftime or fulltime whistle, to avoid situations in which the whistle is blown just as a goal is being scored. We recommend that the referee should still be permitted to end the half when the ball is in play, as long as an attack is not in progress.

THAT WON’T ACTUALLY HELP

Award a goal kick on an unsuccessful penalty kick

The board proposes giving a goal kick if a penalty is unsuccessful, in an attempt to stop encroachment into the area and the arc.

However, this is the incorrect solution to the problem of encroachment, because part of the advantage of the penalty is the opportunity to score on the rebound if the goalkeeper makes the initial save. The correct solution is to actually enforce the rules on encroachment. Officials behind each goal, as in UEFA competitions, would help with this, as would the video assistant referee.

Prematch handshake with coaches

The board proposes having the referee shake hands with the coaches before the kickoff. Some referees do that anyway, but it is really the sort of thing that they should do on their own volition, and not as a photo opportunity under a “Handshake for Peace” banner.

Reducing substitutions after red cards

The board proposes reducing the number of substitutions for each player who is sent off. It is unclear why this is proposed, or what problem this is intended to address.

Take goal kicks on the same side

The board proposes reverting to a previous rule that goal kicks must be taken on the same side of the six yard box from which the ball left, because moving to the other side is a common time wasting tactic. If we simply stop the clock at play stoppages [see above], this proposal would no longer be needed.