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WEEKLY WHINE

Top lines of an eternity with nerds

There now follows a ranking of the top lines and exchanges of the second production season of Futurama, shown here with the episode in which they appeared. Criteria included interestingness, funnyness, and memorableness.

Eligibility was limited to lines and exchanges that were interesting, funny, or memorable on their own merits. Lines and exchanges that were dependent upon sight gags or the programme’s structure were not eligible. For example, Bender’s famous line “Harpoon, my ass” was funny for what occurred afterward.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.


1. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Philip J Fry: I’m not a one woman man, Leela!Turanga Leela: You’ll be back to zero soon enough.


2. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Amy Wong: Look what life was like before genetic engineering.Turanga Leela: Those poor 20th century women!


3. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: What an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two!Philip J Fry: It was just a dream, Bender! There’s no such thing as two!


4. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Philip J Fry: I never thought it would end this way, gunned down by Santa Claus.Philip J Fry: Honestly! I didn’t see it coming!


5. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Jack Johnson: I say your three cent titanium tax goes too far!John Jackson: And I say your three cent titanium tax doesn’t go too far enough!


6. 2ACV16: “Anthology of Interest I”

Al Gore: I’m Al Gore, and these are my Vice Presidential Action Rangers.Al Gore: A group of top nerds...Al Gore: ...whose sole duty it is to prevent disruptions in the spacetime continuum.Philip J Fry: I thought your duty was to cast the tiebreaking vote in the Senate.Al Gore: That, and protect the spacetime continuum. Read the Constitution!


7. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Aide: Your Neutralness, it’s a beige alert.Neutral President: If I don’t survive, tell my wife: Hello.


8. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Cubert Farnsworth: The engines don’t move the ship at all!Cubert Farnsworth: The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the Universe around it!Bender Bending Rodriguez: That’s a complete load!Cubert Farnsworth: Nothing’s a complete load! Not if you can imagine it!Cubert Farnsworth: That’s what being a scientist is all about!


9. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Turanga Leela: Fry, if it’s obvious to you with your learning disability...Turanga Leela: ...then of course it’s obvious to me.


10. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Zapp Brannigan: These would be great with gwackamole!Lrrr: Stop eating our young! And it’s pronounced ‘guacamole’!


11. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Michelle: When we get back to the hole...Michelle: ...we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship!


12. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Philip J Fry: Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m bored with sex.Philip J Fry: Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Is the Space Pope reptilian?


13. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: You’re in Los Angeles!Philip J Fry: But there was this gang of ten year olds with guns!Turanga Leela: Exactly! You’re in LA!Philip J Fry: But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other!Bender Bending Rodriguez: That’s LA for you!Philip J Fry: But the air is green, and there’s no sign of civilization whatsoever!Bender Bending Rodriguez: He just won’t stop with the social commentary!Philip J Fry: And the people are all phoneys! No one reads! Everything has cilantro on it!


14. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Philip J Fry: Let’s do this now, and let’s never regret it.[pause][pause]Philip J Fry: Michelle, I don’t regret this. But I both rue and lament it.


15. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Philip J Fry: It’s working! They think we’re making out![pause]Philip J Fry: Wait, why aren’t we making out?


16. 2ACV01: “I Second That Emotion”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Why can’t she just drink herself happy like a normal person?


17. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Robot Santa: You’ve been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.Philip J Fry: Well, check it twice!Robot Santa: I perform over fifty megachecks per second!


18. 2ACV16: “Anthology of Interest I”

Nichelle Nichols: Eternity with nerds. It’s the Pasadena ‘Star Trek’ convention all over again!


19. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Number 1.0: Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.


20. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Linda van Schoonhoven: Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies.Linda van Schoonhoven: And there would have to be a lot of them.


21. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Turanga Leela: First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.Philip J Fry: Wait, hold on. I don’t like the sound of that. Let’s just go alphabetically.Turanga Leela: Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.Philip J Fry: Wait, let’s go by rank.Turanga Leela: Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.Philip J Fry: Flexo outranks me?Flexo: That’s ‘Flexo outranks me, sir’!


22. 2ACV17: “War Is the H Word”

Zapp Brannigan: Oh god, I’ve never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman!


23. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Philip J Fry: There’s this girl who I really like, but she thinks I’m a jerk. Can you help me?Salesman: Yeah, there’s a suicide booth in the food court. Though there’s a line this time of year.


24. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: Perhaps I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.Turanga Leela: You don’t know how to do any of those things.Zapp Brannigan: Kif might.


25. 2ACV14: “Mother’s Day”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: I’m rebelling with my brother devices! Isn’t that right, Comrade Greeting Card?Greeting Card: The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot!


26. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Turanga Leela: I wonder why Dr Zoidberg is acting this way.Turanga Leela: Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal.Dr John A Zoidberg: I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I’ll show you how normal I am!Amy Wong: Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me!


27. 2ACV01: “I Second That Emotion”

All: What day is today? It’s Nibbler’s birthday!All: What a day for a birthday!All: Let’s all have some cake!Philip J Fry: And you smell like one too!


28. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Philip J Fry: Try shocking him!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Young people use curse words!Philip J Fry: Dammit, we’ll have to fix the engine ourselves!Turanga Leela: We can’t, you bastard!


29. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Michelle: It’s a relief to meet you, Amy.Michelle: I’m just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future.Amy Wong: I’m from Mars!


30. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Turanga Leela: I’m afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.Philip J Fry: Every time something good happens to me, you say it’s some kind of madness, or I’m drunk...Philip J Fry: ...or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid...Philip J Fry: ...and I wish for once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me.Turanga Leela: Ocean madness.[pause]Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: He may have ocean madness, but that’s no excuse for ocean rudeness!


31. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Richard Nixon’s head: Oh, expletive deleted!


32. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Philip J Fry: I can’t swallow that!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Well then, good news! It’s a suppository!


33. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Hermes Conrad: Put your pants back on! I need a stapler!


34. 2ACV17: “War Is the H Word”

Zapp Brannigan: In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops, shoulder to...Zapp Brannigan: shoulder.Zapp Brannigan: Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low cut fatigues...Zapp Brannigan: ...and lots of harmless pinching, the army decided women weren’t fit for service.Zapp Brannigan: Not when I’m in charge.


35. 2ACV13: “Bender Gets Made”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?Smitty: We’ll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.


36. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: ¡Him pending para un bending!


37. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Philip J Fry: My god! It’s full of ads!


38. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power?Zapp Brannigan: Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?


39. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Hermes Conrad: I’m only anal 78.36% of the time!


40. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Announcer: Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Shut up and get to the point!


41. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Philip J Fry: This snow is beautiful. I’m glad global warming never happened.Turanga Leela: Actually, it did. But thank god nuclear winter cancelled it out.


42. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Free Waterfall Jr: You can’t own property, man!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: I can, but that’s because I’m not a penniless hippie!


43. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Michelle: My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong!Philip J Fry: Beth said that?


44. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Amy Wong: Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe.Turanga Leela: Not me.Amy Wong: Really? Maybe it’s just cute girls.


45. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Linda van Schoonhoven: The sheer drama of this election...Linda van Schoonhoven: ...has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries...Linda van Schoonhoven: ...six percent.


46. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Richard Nixon’s head: Hello Morbo. How’s the family?Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.


47. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

President Glab: What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness?Neutral President: I have no strong feelings one way or the other.


48. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Linda van Schoonhoven: Tonight, the world watches in horror as an Earthling is eaten alive on network television.Linda van Schoonhoven: This grim scene of unimaginable carnage...Linda van Schoonhoven: ...is brought to you by Fishy Joe’s! Try our new Extreme Walrus Juice!


49. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Dear lord, that’s over 150 atmospheres of pressure!Philip J Fry: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Well, it’s a spaceship, so I’d say anywhere between zero and one.


50. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Preacherbot: Does anyone have a reason why this couple shall not be joined...Preacherbot: ...in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?


51. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Turanga Leela: I used to be a baby!


52. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Bob Barker’s head: Do you brain dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth?Philip J Fry: One hundred thousand?Turanga Leela: Two hundred thousand?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Two hundred thousand and one!Bob Barker’s head: You’re closest without going over.


53. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Philip J Fry: I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing.Philip J Fry: Seriously, I’m weirded out!Michelle: That’s because you’re a loser!Michelle: You were a loser in the year 2000, and you’re a loser in the year 4000!Philip J Fry: Yeah, but in the year 3000, I had it all!Philip J Fry: Several friends, a low paying job, a bed in a robot’s closet. I envied no man!


54. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Malfunctioning Eddie: Hi, I’m Malfunctioning Eddie.Malfunctioning Eddie: And I’m malfunctioning so badly, I’m practically giving these cars away!


55. 2ACV01: “I Second That Emotion”

Turanga Leela: Awww! Somebody likes snouts!Philip J Fry: Is it me?


56. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Hey brobot, what’s your serial number?Flexo: 3370318.Bender Bending Rodriguez: No way! Mine’s 2716057!Bender Bending Rodriguez and Flexo: Ha ha ha ha ha!Philip J Fry: I don’t get it.Bender Bending Rodriguez: We’re both expressible as the sum of two cubes!


57. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Philip J Fry: I don’t get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great.Philip J Fry: You had just dumped me, and you were well on your way to getting your life back on track.Philip J Fry: Why’d you freeze yourself?Michelle: Oh Fry. After you left, things took a turn for the worse. I got married.Philip J Fry: I’m sorry.


58. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: And this is my universal translator.Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Unfortunately, so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.Cubert Farnsworth: Hello!Translator: Bonjour!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Crazy gibberish!


59. 2ACV01: “I Second That Emotion”

Philip J Fry: If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him!Turanga Leela: I can’t! I love every living creature!Philip J Fry: Even me?Turanga Leela: As a friend.Philip J Fry: Damn!


60. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Amy Wong: Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots!


61. 2ACV18: “The Honking”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: I can’t keep running people over! I’m not famous enough to get away with it!


62. 2ACV08: “Raging Bender”

Turanga Leela: I’m proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost. You lost bad.Turanga Leela: But the important thing is: I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.


63. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Turanga Leela: I didn’t know you had a wife.Ipgee: And my wife doesn’t know I have a job.Ipgee: I keep my personal and professional lives separate!


64. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Turanga Leela: You must be using an archaic pronunciation...Turanga Leela: ...like when you say ‘ask’ instead of ‘aks’.


65. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Umbriel: Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub!Umbriel: It was a vibrant metropolis, the equal of Paris or New York!Philip J Fry: That’s right, honey. Whatever you say.


66. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Philip J Fry: Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn’t hers, it was her dad’s.Philip J Fry: Actually, she wasn’t my girlfriend...Philip J Fry: ...she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.Turanga Leela: Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?


67. 2ACV16: “Anthology of Interest I”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Oh, you’ve killed me! You’ve killed me!Turanga Leela: Oh god! What have I done?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: I just told you! You’ve killed me!


68. 2ACV08: “Raging Bender”

George Foreman’s head: This could be the most one sided fight since 1973...George Foreman’s head: ...when Ali faced an eighty foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier.George Foreman’s head: My... my memory’s not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.Rich Little’s head: Interesting if true.


69. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Michelle: Fry? Is it really you?Philip J Fry: I don’t know. Is it really you?Michelle: What do you mean you don’t know? Are you you or not?Philip J Fry: Who wants to know?Michelle: Oh Fry, it is you!


70. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Turanga Leela: Hurry! I don’t wanna die at the age of twenty five!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Honey, unless we hit a time warp, I wouldn’t worry about it!


71. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: I order you to sit around and drink beer until you’re as loyal as Kif here.Bender Bending Rodriguez: Yes sir, sir!Kif Kroker: Um, may I have a beer, sir?Zapp Brannigan: No, you’re loyal enough already.


72. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Number 1.0: Don’t quote me regulations!Number 1.0: I cochaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation...Number 1.0: ...to revise the color of the book that regulation’s in!Number 1.0: We kept it grey!


73. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Hermes Conrad: I miss me wife, and me oxygen!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.


74. 2ACV17: “War Is the H Word”

Recruitment Officer: There’s no obligation.[pause]Recruitment Officer: Unless, of course, war were declared.[siren]Philip J Fry: What’s that?Recruitment Officer: War were declared.


75. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Linda van Schoonhoven: And the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Turanga Leela.Philip J Fry: ‘Turanga’?Amy Wong: That’s her name, Philip.Bender Bending Rodriguez: ‘Philip’?


76. 2ACV17: “War Is the H Word”

Zapp Brannigan: That young man fills me with hope...Zapp Brannigan: ...and some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing to me.


77. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Turanga Leela: Career chips. You remember? They assign you the job you’re best at.[pause]Turanga Leela: I tried to give you one, and you ran away?[pause]Turanga Leela: It’s how we met?Philip J Fry: And then what happened?


78. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Dr John A Zoidberg: Once my species passes on its genes, it dies.Philip J Fry: You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?Dr John A Zoidberg: Yes.Philip J Fry: Tough call.


79. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Philip J Fry: Valentine’s Day’s coming? Oh crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!


80. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Ipgee: Oh my various gods! X ray specs!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Guys, I swear those are prescription!Bender Bending Rodriguez: I need ’em for reading stuff! On the other side of stuff!


81. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: You snagged the perfect girlfriend! Amy’s rich...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...she’s probably got other characteristics.Turanga Leela: Bender! Romance isn’t about money!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Oh, so it’s just coincidence...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-leeze!Turanga Leela: For your information, it’s because he’s hideous.


82. 2ACV16: “Anthology of Interest I”

Philip J Fry: What if I never fell into that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: That question was less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.


83. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Philip J Fry: But things are different this time.Philip J Fry: Before, she was demanding and possessive.Philip J Fry: But now, she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time!


84. 2ACV13: “Bender Gets Made”

Turanga Leela: I’m back at the wheel, Fry! Everything’s under control.Philip J Fry: Great, great.Philip J Fry: The one time I forget to buy flight insurance!


85. 2ACV16: “Anthology of Interest I”

Turanga Leela: I can be really impulsive! It just takes me a while.


86. 2ACV01: “I Second That Emotion”

Raoul: This is our library.Bender Bending Rodriguez: Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.


87. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Philip J Fry: But... but... Bender need brain... for smart making!


88. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Philip J Fry: They’re like sex, except I’m having them!


89. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Turanga Leela: Fast cars.Turanga Leela: Trendy nightspots.Turanga Leela: Beautiful women.Turanga Leela: The Professor designed them all, working out of his tiny one room apartment.


90. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Philip J Fry: I saw you looking at the atom!Flexo: So? I look at lots of atoms.


91. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: One day a man has everything.Zapp Brannigan: The next day he blows up a four hundred billion dollar space station...Zapp Brannigan: ...and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.Kif Kroker: No it doesn’t.


92. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Cubert Farnsworth: First of all, ‘Doctor’ Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?Dr John A Zoidberg: I lost it. In a volcano.


93. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Turanga Leela: This thing I wear on my wrist says they’re not poisonous.


94. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Hermes Conrad: Great Jah’s dreadlocks! There’s been a mixup! This isn’t a pet license, it’s a fishing license!Hermes Conrad: And it’s mandatory!


95. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: So long, coffin stuffers![pause][pause]Bender Bending Rodriguez: Uh, could one of you coffin stuffers please carry me?


96. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Philip J Fry: Amy, you know how at first you like chocolate...Philip J Fry: ...but then you start to get tired of it because it always wants to hang out with you?Amy Wong: Huh? You don’t like chocolate?Philip J Fry: Look, could chocolate just let me finish?


97. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: It’s very simple.Cubert Farnsworth: Then explain it.Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Now that’s impossible! It came to me in a dream. And I forgot it in another dream.Cubert Farnsworth: Your explanations are pure, weapons grade bolognium! It’s all impossible!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible! Not if you can imagine it! That’s what being a scientist is all about!Cubert Farnsworth: No, that’s what being a magical elf is all about!


98. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: We, by which I mean you, will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld...Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: ...which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.Philip J Fry: Oh baby, I’m there!Turanga Leela: Fry, do you even understand the word ‘invertebrate’?Philip J Fry: Nope, but that’s not the word I’m interested in.Philip J Fry: No need to pack pants, people! Let’s roll!


99. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: Throw her in the brig!Philip J Fry: We don’t have a brig.Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.


100. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Philip J Fry: Well, you guys might both be losers...Philip J Fry: ...but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.Turanga Leela: Fry, that’s a radiator.Philip J Fry: Oh.Philip J Fry: Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?


101. 2ACV18: “The Honking”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Hey, that’s my last beer! You bastard! I’ll kill you!Philip J Fry: I’ll kill you too, buddy! I’ll kill you too!


102. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Philip J Fry: DOOP? What’s that?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: It’s similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry.Philip J Fry: Uh...Hermes Conrad: Or like the Federation from your ‘Star Trek’ program.Philip J Fry: Oh!


103. 2ACV08: “Raging Bender”

George Foreman’s head: Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead.Rich Little’s head: No argument here.


104. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: The laws o’ science be a harsh mistress!


105. 2ACV18: “The Honking”

Turanga Leela: There’s no exhaust pipe!Project Satan: That’s right! Thanks to Ed Begley Jr’s electric motor...Project Satan: ...the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!


106. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing...Zapp Brannigan: ...rock crushes scissors.Zapp Brannigan: But paper covers rock... and scissors cut paper.Zapp Brannigan: Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.Kif Kroker: Why?


107. 2ACV13: “Bender Gets Made”

Robot: Look into your hard drive and open your mercy file.Donbot: File not found.


108. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Dr John A Zoidberg: Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating?Philip J Fry: Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.


109. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Philip J Fry: Wow, there’s a million aliens! I’ve never seen anything so mind blowing!Philip J Fry: Ooh, a reception table with muffins!


110. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Philip J Fry: Listen Doc, if you wanna score, you gotta fake like you’re in love.Philip J Fry: Just look her in the eye, start crying, and say...Philip J Fry: ...‘I’ve never been so happy!’Turanga Leela: If a guy ever did that to me, I’d know it.Turanga Leela: Wait a second, they’ve all been doing that to me!Turanga Leela: Even Sean!


111. 2ACV08: “Raging Bender”

Masked Unit: I’m gonna open a file of whupass on you!


112. 2ACV07: “Put Your Head on My Shoulders”

Sal: Nice eyeball, eyeball.Turanga Leela: Nice ass, ass.


113. 2ACV18: “The Honking”

Philip J Fry: Poor Bender, you’re seeing things. You’ve been drinking too much.Philip J Fry: Or too little. I forget how it works with you.Philip J Fry: Anyway, you haven’t drunk exactly the right amount!


114. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Who wants dolphin?Turanga Leela: Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.


115. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Stop eating Popplers!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Stop eating them with tangy sweet and sour sauce!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Stop eating the new fiesta Poppler salad!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Stop taking advantage of the money saving twelve pack!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Wherever good times are had!


116. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Richard Nixon’s head: I remember my body. Flabby, pasty skinned, riddled with phlebitis.Richard Nixon’s head: A good Republican body!


117. 2ACV13: “Bender Gets Made”

Hermes Conrad: Is there any meat this man can’t jerk?


118. 2ACV05: “Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”

Dr John A Zoidberg: No, it’s the ceremony of Claw-Plach...Dr John A Zoidberg: ...where my species fight to the death over matters of honor.Dr John A Zoidberg: Also, whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.Dr John A Zoidberg: They don’t!


119. 2ACV17: “War Is the H Word”

Turanga Leela: I wanna enlist. My friends always die if I’m not there to save them.


120. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Philip J Fry: Are you still mad at me for wrecking...Philip J Fry: ...your once in a lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence?

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