WEEKLY WHINE

Results of the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup

As you are no doubt fully aware, the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup concluded yesterday as Chile defeated Wales 5-3 in the final.

Indeed, the entire tournament will live long in the memory, having been packed with thrilling matches, fabulous goals, and, of course, the breathtaking début of the Infinite Golden Goal Overtime with Attrition procedure in the third match of the tournament. Who can forget Alejandro Romero Gamarra’s first goal for Paraguay in the 124th minute, in an 8v8 extra time session? Or Tesho Akindele’s cheeky goal directly from the kickoff of the first extra time session to give Canada an epic 6-5 victory over Scotland?

Some of the other unforgettable moments include Ethan Horvath’s acrobatic save of a Justin Kluivert header in the United States’ wild 5-4 loss to the Netherlands, the semifinal goal by Italy’s Jorginho that was disallowed after a tense fifty two minute video review, and the infamous press conference in which Robert Mancini denounced the corruption of the organisers of the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup and announced that Italy were going to stage their own tournament, only to later conclude that both the tournament and the blackjack were to be discontinued, and, upon further reflection, so was the entire thing.

But it was Chile who emerged victorious to win a third major title in four years, powering past Wales in the final thanks to four magnificent goals by Ángelo Sagal. Afterwards, John DiMaggio presented Arturo Vidal with the Bender B Rodriguez Blackjack and Hookers Cup, officially making Chile the 33rd best team in the world.

So, congratulations to Chile, and thanks to all of the participating teams for living up to the tournament motto. We look forward to holding another tournament in four years’ time, made up of all the teams that either failed to progress to Qatar, or just didn’t feel like travelling way over there.