The results, or lack thereof

You will NEVER believe this!!!! Yesterday my doorbell rang and it was a girl, like twentyseven, short, and really really tan, like the Browned Girl you were talking about. She said, 'I'm looking for a Janet Love.' I was like, 'I'm a Janet Love.'

She was all dumbfounded. 'Is there another Janet Love? I'm Ali Liminisi, and I was going to meet a girl named Janet Love, but it's not you. She was white.' Then I was dumbfounded too. I said, 'You're Ali Liminisi? I was expecting a girl named Ali Liminisi, but not you. She was taller than me, like up to here.' The other Ali was more than a foot taller than this one.

Anyway, we eventually figured it out. That day three years ago, I met a girl called Ali Liminisi, call her Ali 1. We were in a bar in Montana, I was there on business, and she was completely sloshed. Completely ranting about how men are slugs. I was like, 'Girl, you don't know the half of it.'

We told guy stories for a while, and then she said something like, 'It just sucks that I need a guy if I want to feel really really good.' I said, 'You don't need a guy.' She was like, 'Yeah I do.' So I leaned over really close, whispered in her ear, 'You don't need guys.' And I licked her ear, just to make sure she got the message. I don't mind guys fucking me, but if I've got my choice between a man and a woman, I'll leave the gent on his own every time.

Anyway, I guessed right. She was drunk enough to say yes, so we got out of there and got into my car, and I just drove. I wanted to take her home, but I was falling asleep at the wheel - I just couldn't make it. Finally we stopped at a little place just across the Oregon-California border, got a room, and went at it. I was tearing her clothes off before we opened the door. It was insane! I've never been like that before, not with anyone!

I was afraid she'd wake up, realize what happened, and run away. So I left my business card in her purse, so that she'd try to find me if she knew my name. So she woke up, saw me, saw the room, and she was all like, 'What the hell happened?'

I didn't want to scare her, in case she was a homophobe when she's sober, so I just smiled and said, 'You were wonderful.' She was like, 'Did we...' I said yes, and she said she probably wasn't that great because she'd never been with another woman before.

I was like, 'So how did you know you need guys if you've never tried girls?' She didn't remember the bar either, though. Then she asked what time it was, and I told her, and she was like, 'Shit! I have to be back home! I've got to meet Mama in half an hour! Could you maybe take me home?'

I told her we'd never make it back in time, and she was all like, 'Why? Where are we?' I told her, and she was furious! She was yelling stuff like 'Why'd you have to take me here? Don't you have a place of your own?' I was like, 'You can meet your mother any time, can't you?' But she was in the family business, she said. Her mama was her boss. So I said I'd take her home, and she refused. She was like, 'No, you're not going that way anyway.' I was like, 'Of course I am. I was supposed to be in Billings today.' Which was a complete lie, of course, but if she had to miss work I wanted to make her think that I had too.

So we went back, and we talked about everything on the way. By the time we got back, I thought we were perfect for one another. We stopped in front of her store, and she started to get out. I grabbed her hand, she stopped, we kissed, we felt each other up. It was just like the night before.

So that was Ali 1. She never did call. But there was another Ali, Ali 2, who had a VERY similar experience with another Janet, Janet 2. Then you guys reminded Ali 2 of Janet 2, and she tried to call. But she got me instead, and neither of us noticed. It wasn't until she showed up that we realized that it was all fucked up.

But our stories matched! Perfectly! Of course, Ali 2 didn't remember what happened when she was drunk, but everything else was dead on! So finally we just figured that if there were two Alis, I'd be just as happy with one as with the other, seeing how similar they were. So we're moving to Las Vegas, and we still owe you! We love you!