WEEKLY WHINE

That warm fuzzy feeling

It's time once again to look inside the GoobNet Mailbox, wherein we find out what you, the faithful GoobNet viewer, has to say to us.

I think it's unfair the way women are portrayed on the Internet. You always see women enjoying themselves and having a good time working at jobs that they like. Why don't we ever see women in jobs that they don't like?
- Jake McMurdo, Tuscaloosa, AL

Well, Jake, the answer is very complicated. But, truth be told, there are no unpleasant jobs on the Internet. Nobody quite knows why that is, but we suspect it has something to do with the fact that working on the Internet requires a computer. Consequently, Internet employees can spend certain amounts of their time playing Solitaire or Minesweeper.

I think it's unfair the way men are portrayed on the Internet. You always see men enjoying themselves and having a good time working at jobs that they like. Why don't we ever see men in jobs that they don't like?
- Edie McMurdo, Tuscaloosa, AL

Well, Edie, the answer is very complicated. But, truth be told, there's only one unpleasant job on the Internet, and that is the job fulfilled by your husband Jake, who wrote in earlier. Jake used to run a company - which will go nameless here - that existed solely to buy up inane domain names and sell the rights to them for outrageous profit. You will note that this company actually wasted money on the domains ultimatecars.com and webinvestor.com. Unsurprisingly, nobody bought the rights to these domain names, and the company failed miserably. Well, at least Jake didn't buy the rights to happysports.com.

I have a third nipple. Ever since Chandler revealed that he had one on Friends a few years ago, I've wanted to stop hiding it from the world, but I've always been too embarrassed. What is the most discreet way to bring it into the open?
- Stacie Aurora, Memphis, TN

Deb Harratsch, creator of portHOLE[tm] by GoobNet, says, "I've got a third nipple as well, and I've never tried to hide it. There's no point. For me, one of the most liberating experiences was travelling to the French Riviera and going out to the beaches every day. Obviously, there was no way to hide it there. Nobody made much of a fuss about it; quite the contrary, I made a lot of friends that week. One guy brought his girlfriend over, and we had an unforgettable night together. Anyway, have a bra custom made and start wearing it around. I always think it's the best feeling when someone notices, at work or in a store or in a club, wherever. Most people are much more open minded than I expected. The ones who aren't are stupid, so who cares about them?"

I'm always offended by people who have Ls in their names. Haven't these people got any decency?
- Lloyd Llewellyn, Tallinn, Estonia

Yes.

What's the difference between the SUMMARY attribute of the TABLE element and the CAPTION element?
- Max Flanck, Düsseldorf, Germany

The SUMMARY attribute is like the ALT attribute of an IMG element; it contains a brief description of the table in case the entire table can't be shown; for instance, an audio user agent that doesn't need to read the entire table. The CAPTION element contains a heading for the table that appears as the first row of the table. Consequently, it's part of the table; the SUMMARY attribute isn't.