WEEKLY WHINE

Noxious fumes

Last week here at GoobNet, we presented Interaction, an interaction programme wherein people interacted with interesting guests. Well, I thought the guests were interesting anyway. As you might expect, many people became angry with this topic, and some people were pleased. But, once again, we received a large amount of communications, and so it's already time to peek again into the GoobNet Mailbox.

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How come I didn't see this show when it aired?
- Christie Tambrero, Coeur d'Alene, ID

They forgot to turn the cameras on.

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Who is this Evita Papadoli character? I'm greatly interested in finding out more about facing the wrong way when television cameras are about.
- Todd Schubert, Newcastle, UK

Evita Papadoli is a 24 year old window cleaner from Belgium. Facing the wrong way for television cameras is the joy of her life. "I've always been interested in looking at things that are not trying to draw my attention," says the flaxen, francophonic Evita, who stands 1.66m and masses 61kg. She has devoted her life, outside of window cleaning, to the Foundation for Broadcasting Backs of Heads. This nonprofit organisation serves as a clearinghouse for information about facing away from television cameras. It came into existence last year on a sudden idea from Evita, proving that her 97-66-92cm frame is not her sole asset. Already the Foundation boasts nearly five members. Evita says she's still looking for that special someone: "My perfect mate would be somebody who appreciates the splendour of a window so clean you can't even tell it's there. I don't care about gender; I'm not even interested in the physical part of a relationship. Turning around when cameras show up is excitement enough for me."

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Why did she fall off her chair, though?
- Ted Schubert, Newcastle, UK

Facing the wrong way when a television camera is present isn't all fun and games, you know. It's often hard work, and it's not without its perils.

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Since when is falling off a chair a peril?
- Tadd Schubert, Newcastle, UK

Have you tried it?

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What's with all the silliness recently?
- Manuel Arcara, Hilo, HI

Well, with all the events of the past couple of weeks, we figured people would want to spend a few minutes reading something incredibly odd that didn't have anything really to do with reality. So here goes.

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Last week's panel discussed when the future will get under way. But I'm having a little trouble figuring out what the panel's conclusion was. When did they think the future will get under way?
- Juliette Ayer, Carson City, NV

Well, that's an interesting question. The panel didn't reach a consensus. The most recent votes were "as soon as we deal with these dirty socks" and "ten-fifteen". Since 10:15 came and went without becoming the future [indeed, it's now the past], this invalidates the latter response. Consequently, we see that the future will begin when the dirty socks are dealt with. If you would like to help deal with the dirty socks, write to 122 E 33rd St, Office 1320, Los Angeles, CA 91101 USA. That particular office is vacant, so there's not really much point writing there. Maybe it will help you feel better, though.

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Was Hans in Vienna a real person?
- Alfred Thigpen, Tupelo, MS

You'd better ask him.

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Is carbon monoxide really colourless, tasteless, odourless, and very difficult indeed to detect?
- Anouk Serpatingawang, Jakarta, Indonesia

Yes, unless you're looking for it.

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What is the aftershave problem to which Lee Inglewood was referring when he said he lived near Des Moines, IA?
- James Starting, Duluth, IA

Darned if I know. I was just prepared to ignore it and move on.

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When will Good Morning Western Samoa be available to the general public?
- Maurice Suwatu, Sofia, Bulgaria

It is now available at reputable booksellers who stock books relating to the history of cheese cutting methods. Or dial 1-887-I-WANTTOREADGOODMORNINGWESTERNSAMOA to find out less.