WEEKLY WHINE

Interaction: Men's World Cup draw

Myers: Good evening, and welcome once again to Interaction, the sixty minutes that go by so fast you'll think you slept through them. This week we're talking about football once again, with our focus the draw for the Men's World Cup that went on yesterday. We are on location here in Busan, South Korea, just outside the convention centre where the draw was held. We are of course surrounded by the giant inflatable footballs representing each of the 32 participating nations at next year's Men's World Cup. In fact, we wanted to rearrange them to represent the results of the draw, but they were too heavy. So instead of that, let me just introduce our panel. I'm Debbie Myers. Joining me first is Ms Hanji Shiuri, an intern at Japan's World Cup organising committee.

Shiuri: Thank you. Good evening.

Myers: Next, Mr Alberto Pasqua, representing Portugal, who were drawn into Group D.

Pasqua: Hello Debbie.

Myers: Immediately to my left, Mr Paolo Castillo, representing Brazil, who were drawn into Group C.

Castillo: Good evening.

Myers: And next to him, Ms Dana Leadenfoot, an accountant for FIFA, football's world governing body.

Leadenfoot: Hello there.

Myers: Nice to have you all here today. For those of you back in the same places you always watch this show wondering why we're not in the same place we always make this show, you should pay attention; I've already told you why. More to the point, since Japan and South Korea are nine hours ahead of UTC, it is now a bit past 04:00 local time here in Busan. But don't worry - this panel is composed entirely of night owls. So with that, I'll go to you first, Hanji, and ask for your impressions of the draw. How did your Korean counterparts do as hosts of this event?

Shiuri: Yes, thank you. I think they put on a marvellous show for us last night. They were extravagant with every detail, did things with more flair than Des Lynam. The mascots were most accomplished foosballers, and Anastacia was a most accomplished singing person. I had so much enjoyment to take home that I needed a doggie bag.

Myers: Some high praise there from a fellow organiser. Alberto, what was your reaction to the draw?

Pasqua: I was happy.

Myers: I think we can all relate to that. Paolo?

Castillo: Well, I'm looking forward to Brazil's match with Turkey. I think that both teams will be full of footballers, and I think that all eyes in the stadium will be on the action.

Myers: Some important points to consider. Dana?

Leadenfoot: I have nothing to add at this time.

Myers: Noble sentiments there. Let's open by discussing the bombshell that FIFA dropped earlier this week, that defending champions will no longer qualify automatically for the next Men's World Cup. They said that this was done to enable the team to play competitive qualifying matches going into the next World Cup and not have a team try to line up numerous friendlies against all kinds of opposition as France have all year. Dana, can you perhaps help us to understand what was behind this sudden decision?

Leadenfoot: I was against it, naturally. Yesterday, before the draw, we saw France return the trophy to the organisers. Fine, no problem there. Guys from the French Football Federation were here anyway for the draw, so they had to bring the trophy. But let's say someone wins a World Cup and then can't qualify next time. At the draw for the next tournament, the trophy has to be returned. But that would mean having to fly people in from a 33rd country, one that doesn't even care about the result of the draw. What's the point? FIFA could save a few thousand Swiss francs on airfare that way.

Castillo: You're exactly right there, Dana. If I was running the Brazilian team and we won next year, I'd have half a mind to just go, You know, if we've just proven ourselves the best in the whole freaking world, and we've got to play eighteen more matches just to get back to the first round, maybe we don't want this trophy.

Myers: You would decline the World Cup trophy?

Castillo: Sure, why not? If you've won the final match, everybody knows it. You don't need a trophy to prove it. Besides, the trophy is kind of ugly.

Myers: Hmm. Alberto, what do you think about that?

Pasqua: I think it's pretty nice. The globe, the Atlas, and all that.

Castillo: Those are supposed to be players celebrating.

Pasqua: Really? Footballers? Why do they have their backs to one another then?

Castillo: Because it's a silly concept for a trophy.

Myers: Let me just cut in for a moment, gentlemen. [Pasqua, Castillo start to argue in Portuguese] What do you think of the decision to force the champion back into qualifying, Hanji?

Shiuri: Yes, thank you for bringing me back in, Debbie. First let me just say that I think the World Cup trophy is just the most adorable trophy in all of sport. It's just the cutest little thing, and those nice men on the sides are so hunky.

Myers: Er...

Shiuri: And the gold! It's so wonderful! It makes the whole thing look like it's a huge wrapped chocolate, just waiting for the winners to bite into it. But I've got to compliment them on being smart enough not to make it out of chocolate, because then the players might get cavities. Also, you wouldn't want a trophy you can eat, because you can't have your trophy and eat it too. You wouldn't be able to show it off. You'd just have the wrapper, and you'd say, "There's the wrapper from the World Peanut Butter Cup that we won," and your friends would say, "Oh, it's all crumpled up. That could be any old wrapper." So, yeah. They made the best trophy they could have.

Myers: Hanji, if I may bring you back to the topic of the champion's privilege...

Shiuri: Oh, of course, how silly of me. Thank you so much for prodding me back on topic.

Myers: Not at all, but if...

Shiuri: No, no. It's really great to be on a show like this with such a sharp host. You've really outdone yourself today.

Myers: Yes, well, perhaps you'd like to talk about...

Shiuri: Oh, right. I'm getting sidetracked again. Thank you for prodding me again. Ooh! I just interrupted you.

Myers: What?

Shiuri: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Myers: I beg your pardon?

Shiuri: Just then. You were in the middle of prodding me, and I interrupted before you had a chance to finish prodding me. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again.

Myers: It's quite all right.

Shiuri: No, no. I shouldn't interrupt you. You're in control of this show.

Myers: It's really quite all right, though. The viewers are interested in hearing what you have to say.

Shiuri: Oh, thank you. That's so kind of you.

Myers: Not at all, really. Before we lose too much time, let me remind you that you can reach us with a variety of communications methods, a comprehensive list of which are now appearing, for a limited time only, on your screen. So now let's go over to Nakata, who's calling from Kobe in Japan. Are you there, Nakata in Kobe?

Nakata in Kobe: Hai.

Myers: Hi.

Nakata in Kobe: Hi. Thank you for taking my question. My question for the panel regards the chocolate trophy idea proposed by Miss Hanji today. What if, instead of the actual trophy being chocolate, FIFA sold tiny trophy replicas made of chocolate? Thank you.

Myers: Thank you, Nakata-san. Well, that's a good thought. Dana, you're our FIFA representative here. What's your take?

Leadenfoot: I think FIFA could make a bit of money on that. This is a serious niche market we're looking at here, the tiny chocolates in silly shapes market. Usually it's landmarks like the Westminster Clock Tower, the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Space Needle, that stuff. But an edible World Cup trophy would be something totally new. Don't know what to get the sweets loving football fan in your life? Look no further.

Myers: Alberto?

[Pasqua, Castillo still arguing in Portuguese, oblivious to the others]

Myers: I see. Well, how about you, Hanji?

Shiuri: Thank you for bringing me in again, Debbie. I thought Nakata-san's question was so insightful. I'd buy a chocolate trophy, no doubt. I'm sure we all would, wouldn't we?

Myers: Yes, in fact.

Leadenfoot: If it's reasonably priced.

Shiuri: Of course. Thank you for those bits of wisdom. You two have been saying such wise things all through the show. And I don't know what those two are saying, but I'm sure they're just as wise. Thank you for being so wise, Alberto and Paolo.

Pasqua: [stops arguing] What?

Castillo: [stops] Pardon?

Shiuri: You two have been so wise too. Thank you so much.

Pasqua: You're quite welcome.

Castillo: My pleasure.

Myers: Well, we're just about out of time. We'd better wrap up this week's programme whilst we still have a chance.

Shiuri: Oh, you're so right, Debbie.

Myers: [quietly] Too late.

Shiuri: Good call there. Ooh! I'm so sorry. I just interrupted you again.

Myers: No, it's quite all right.

Shiuri: I said I wouldn't interrupt again, and I did. I'm so sorry.

Myers: It's fine, really. It's not a problem.

Shiuri: Oh, thank you so much for understanding.

Myers: Right, well, let me quickly thank Ms Hanji Shiuri, Mr Alberto Pasqua, Mr Paolo Castillo, and Ms Dana Leadenfoot for staying up late for this. We'll return to Warwickshire next week to discuss social policy in winter weather, when our guests will be a snowmobile driver from Leicester, a street sleeper from Kent, a patent attorney who specialises in dogs, and somebody I haven't met yet. Good night.

Shiuri: Thank you so much for sitting next to me, Alberto! You're so much fun to sit next to!

Pasqua: Oh, why thank you. You like sitting next to me, do you?