WEEKLY WHINE

Stump Edvard about 2002

In our continuing quest to bring you knowledge, support, novelty, community, and variety, we offer another chance for you to stump "Dynamite Eating" Edvard van de Kamp. If you want to know more about Edvard, you can. Just read these:

• Don't Try This At Home, SUN 11 JUN 2000
• Don't Let Them Confuse You, SUN 01 APR 2001
• On Tour with Edvard, SUN 08 APR 2001
• The Life and Times of Edvard, SUN 27 MAY 2001
• Stump Edvard, SUN 29 JUL 2001

We took questions about 2002 for him last week, and now he offers his answers. So it's time to find out whether any of you could successfully Stump Edvard.

Dear Edvard: Last week, the Weekly Whine said that 2001 sucked. Will 2002 be any better? - Phil Pauchar, Shreveport, LA, USA

Dear Phil: A lot of the suckage in 2001 was because of TUE 11 SEP 2001. That's a lousy way to start a century, I can assure you, which is why 2001 seems like it was worse. We had all these expectations because 2001 was the stuff of science fiction, the beginning of the true space age. However, I should remind you that there is no lunar base, as there was in 2001: A Space Odyssey. We have only one space station, and it can only accommodate three people. I'd say 2002 promises to be better if we start seeing commitments to space exploration, which is a celebration of humanity similar to constructing skyscrapers.

Dear Edvard: What will happen to the Argentine peso? - Eduardo Guenguilla, Córdoba, Argentina

Dear Eduardo: The emergency economic plan submitted by new president Eduardo Duhalde has passed the Chamber of Deputies and is likely to sail through the Senate later today. The bill would give Duhalde a wide swath of authority, which he will use to devalue the peso. The word on the street is that the peso's value will fall to roughly seventy US cents; it has been fixed at one US dollar for the past ten years. The proposal to create an extra currency to circulate in Argentina alongside the peso died with the resignation of its creator, Adolfo Rodriguez Saa. Though the peso will suddenly become less valuable, essential items like fuel and medicines will have price caps imposed as an attempt to stave off hyperinflation.

Dear Edvard: Can I have a virtual star like Keck? - Lydia Anders, Singapore

Dear Lydia: The Keck virtual guide star system uses a 20 W sodium laser, which excites a sodium layer nearly a hundred kilometres above Earth's surface. However, the excited gas only has a magnitude of 9.5, which the human eye cannot see. You can use a 20 W laser to produce a magnitude 9.5 virtual guide star, but you probably want one that your eye can see. In that case, you'll probably want a laser of up to 1 kW.

Dear Edvard: Why didn't they print up enough 5, 10, and 20 euro notes? - Penchi de la Rosa, Luxembourg

Dear Penchi: Because they're dumb.

Dear Edvard: When will the UK, Denmark, and Sweden join the eurozone? - Linda Fïllar, Stockholm, Sweden

Dear Linda: They're all holding out for different reasons. Sweden because they want to see how its release goes, Denmark because a referendum failed, and the UK because the Tories are out for blood again. Look for another Danish referendum to succeed this year. A Swedish referendum will also pass, but voters will narrowly refuse eurofication in the UK.