WEEKLY WHINE

A rewound week

A lot has happened this week, and a lot of you have been complaining about it. So, once again, we'll hold our breath and open up the GoobNet Mailbox to obtain your reactions to WED 11 SEP 2002, Mrs Ronaldo's move, the S-IVB from Apollo 12, and more.

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What's with all the stupid research lately? - Paul Berlusconi, Basel, Switzerland

What do you mean?

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Well, I heard there was a guy in Hungary who was studying how Mexican waves propagate in stadiums. And then there was that group who spent their time trying to find out when the first emoticon was used. That's stupid research to me. - Paul Berlusconi, Basel, Switzerland

You think that's stupid? Somebody was actually paying these people to do that work.

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I was quite amused to hear about Ronaldo's wife joining Atlético Madrid. Do you think it will affect their relationship? - Manuel Zaragoza, Zaragoza, Spain

It depends what you mean by "affect". Milene Domingues, Ronaldo's wife and holder of the football juggling world record [55,197 touches], moved from Italy's Fiamma Monza to Spain's Atlético Madrid for a transfer of €300,000, most ever paid by a Spanish club for a female footballer. This enables her to avoid a commute after her husband moved from Inter Milan to Real Madrid. Milene will lead Atlético to a Spanish championship, and Real will implode at the end of the season just like Inter did last year. But their relationship will be just as strong as ever, as they continue to discover more ways to use a football in bed.

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Why doesn't Milene Domingues have a clever nickname like other Brazilian footballers? You know, Rivaldo, Ronaldinho, Sissi, Pretinha? - Ikmuru Inkurmu, Jakarta, Indonesia

I don't think she has any caps yet. Brazilian players earn nicknames when they get capped. Before that they have to use their full names, which is a hassle for some of them. Edson Arantes do Nascimento, for example, always had trouble remembering his name. Thankfully, he was only seventeen by the time he first played for Brazil, earning the name Pelé.

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What if the S-IVB stage from Apollo 12 crashes into the Moon? - Jane Crane, Salem, OR, USA

Well, that S-IVB stage, the third stage of the Saturn V, apparently reappeared in Earth orbit this week after spending the last thirty years or so in heliocentric space. It was, in fact, the last of the lunar S-IVBs not to be steered toward the Moon. The ones on Apollo 13-17 all impacted the Moon for seismic studies. But now, it seems there's a 20% probability that it will smash into the Moon anyway. Boy, wouldn't it be so ironic if it crashed into Apollo 12's landing site in Oceanus Procellarum?

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I slept through this week. What happened? - Rip van Wynkle, Stellenbosch, South Africa

Well, George W Bush talked smack about Iraq. Then he tried to get the UN to talk smack about Iraq as well. Then the DC United won two in a row over the MetroStars to remain in contention for the MLS playoffs.

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Hey! Don't call them "the" DC United! Would you say "the" Manchester United? - Eddie Nope, Annapolis, MD, USA

Shut up.