WEEKLY WHINE

One based index

The British film magazine Sight and Sound has just completed a survey of the best films of the past twenty five years. Needless to say, their list was wrong. At least according to those of you who found it necessary to vent your frustrations at us. So stand clear - we're going to open the GoobNet Mailbox to see which films you think should have made the list.

It's a good thing Apocalypse Now was voted best. Can you imagine what would have happened if they had picked Star Wars or something? - Alvin Povo, Victoria, BC, Canada

Actually, Star Wars and highly popular films like that were ineligible. I guess they were looking for films over which a massive fuss was not made.

But there was a massive fuss over Apocalypse Now, especially last year when it was rereleased. What's up with that? - Marvin Häppülä, Helsinki, Finland

But the fuss made over Apocalypse Now peaked at only 85 on the Film Fuss Index. Films that exceeded 100 were ineligible; Star Wars, for example, went as high as 131 when it was rereleased.

I was shocked and horrified to discover that Alien Insurrection was not on that list. This film accomplished much more than anything else on that list. - Marge Jackson, Las Cruces, NM, USA

You mean Alien Resurrection?

No, stupid! Alien Insurrection! You know, the film about a nubile alien's indoctrination into Detroit streetwalking culture. - Marge Jackson, Las Cruces, NM, USA

Wasn't that porn?

Just because it is comprised almost entirely of nudity and depicts over forty different positions, you consider it porn? - Marge Jackson, Las Cruces, NM, USA

Yes, actually.

So what about Alien Resurrection? That was good too. - Charles Cosnorspoosky, Texarkana, AR, USA

I don't think so. The only thing it had going for it was that Winona Ryder was a gynoid.

Why was there always such a fuss over whether Deckard in Blade Runner was a replicant? Why should it matter? - Vincenzo Del Negro, San Antonio, TX, USA

Well, aside from its crucial relevance to the plot and its implications for how we think about social dynamics in our modern world, there is another important reason it matters: It affects whether we can go "Deckard is a replicant, nah nah na-na nah!"

Hey! There's no such thing as a "Film Fuss Index"! You're making that up! - Nora Vertex, Guatemala City, Guatemala

Shut up.