WEEKLY WHINE

Interaction: Does the Internet blow?

Myers: Hello, and welcome to our studios in Warwickshire for another edition of Interaction, where we give you the chance to pose tough questions to tough people, untough people, and everyone in between. Over the last ten years, the Internet has become an integral part of our everyday lives. It allows expatriates to keep ties with their native lands, fans to keep up with their special interests, and broadcasters to talk to their viewers. But it also allows morons to shut down popular sites, losers to batter your inbox, and jerks to introduce vicious code into your computer. Can its security be improved without compromising its openness? Or are we destined to continue fearing the contents of our E-mail boxes? I'm Debbie Myers, and our panel this evening will help us address these questions. First, in Boston, MA, USA today is the editor of That's My Internet! magazine, Ms Janet Nyt.

Nyt: Word.

Myers: The chairman of Microsoft Corp, Mr Bill Gates, joins us from Redmond, WA, USA.

Gates: Hi there!

Myers: From Napoli, Italy, the head programmer at Super Spam Bashers Inc, Ms Sara Mathis.

Mathis: Good evening.

Myers: And here with me in Warwickshire is former vice president of the United States, Mr Al Gore.

Gore: Hi.

Myers: Thank you all for joining us today. Janet, we'll go to you first. What is your take on the status of the Internet?

Nyt: It's screwed. It was constructed so that anyone could contact anyone else, but now we don't want anyone to contact anyone else.

Gates: I don't agree with that. I think we want to maintain the ability for anyone to contact anyone else, because that allows businesses to leverage their assets.

Myers: Sara, does the Internet's architecture need to be changed?

Mathis: I wouldn't say so. We just want to make sure that the appropriate consequences befall those who spam.

Myers: Al, do you see the Internet as you intended when you "invented" it?

Gore: Well, look. I didn't really mean to say that I invented the Internet per se. It's just that, you know, I was involved in a group of people who helped define Internet Protocol.

Nyt: Even so, I think it's fair to say that someone needs to take a good look at it again. It clearly isn't working.

Gates: I don't agree with that. Look at how many businesses are leveraging their positions.

Myers: Sara, what about claims that spam is becoming too large a problem?

Mathis: Well, that's what I'm working on. We're looking for ways to stop spam before it starts. If we're successful, spam will no longer be a problem.

Myers: Well, no doubt you've got your hopes up, but for the moment we'll stand that aside and begin to review the questions from you at home. Keep in mind that you can reach us by telephone, telegraph, facsimile, E-mail, postal mail, the slot outside our door, or bowling ball. Our first question tonight is by bowling ball. It's from Ned Alexander in Texarkana, AR, USA, who asks where most spammers come from. Sara?

Mathis: It's difficult to determine exactly. Domain name spoofing is quite commonly used, and IP addresses are difficult to look up. But we feel safe in saying that most spam comes from computers.

Gates: I don't agree with that. At Microsoft, we are using innovative ways to leverage technologies, and that means spam could be coming from, for example, blenders.

Gore: And blenders have a built in random encryption scheme.

Myers: Ummmm...

Gore: That was a joke.

Myers: Right. Well, let's move on then to our next question. Jim in Sana'a, Yemen, are you there?

Jim in Sana'a: Yes. Hi.

Myers: Good evening Jim. What is your question?

Jim in Sana'a: Yes, thanks for taking my call. I had a question about IP addresses.

Myers: Go ahead.

Jim in Sana'a: Okay.

[Pause.]

Myers: Jim, are you there?

Jim in Sana'a: I'm still moving up.

Myers: Well, we need your question.

Jim in Sana'a: How far ahead should I go?

Myers: That's not about IP addresses, but okay. Janet, how far ahead should Jim go?

Nyt: Until he hits something, I guess.

Gates: I don't agree with that. Several new innovations that we're currently working on at Microsoft will let businesses determine what things are in front of them well in advance, giving them the opportunity to leverage their imminent collisions.

Myers: Right, thanks for your question Jim. Now then -

Jim in Sana'a: Ow!

Myers: Moving on, let's discuss briefly, if we may, the IP address problem. Currently IP addresses are assigned using four bytes, which means 4,294,967,296 addresses, which is only sufficient to allocate one to about two thirds of Earth's population. Yet many industries are loading themselves with computers, with one or more computer for each employee. Some are forecasting that IP addresses will run out within the year. Janet, what is being done to avoid this problem?

Nyt: I don't know. I heard something about changing Internet Protocol, but I had a big lunch that day, so, well, you know.

Gates: I don't agree with that. We're working on ways to leverage businesses' stomachs to prevent big lunches from giving you the tools you need to succeed.

Gore: May I, Debbie?

Myers: Go for it.

Gore: Thanks. Well, they're looking at extending the IP address to six bytes. That would result in some 40,000 addresses for each person on Earth. So, as long as we don't start embedding computers in each thread of our garments, we should be okay.

Myers: Ummm...

Gore: That wasn't a joke.

Myers: Sure. Well, we have time for one more question, so let's go to Kei in Sapporo, Japan. Kei, are you there?

Kei in Sapporo: I am. Hello.

Myers: Good evening Kei. What is your question?

Kei in Sapporo: Um, this question is for Mr Gore.

Gore: Yes?

Kei in Sapporo: Ooh! Hi Mr Gore!

Gore: Hello.

Myers: Kei, what is your question for Mr Gore?

Kei in Sapporo: Well, it's... umm... oh yeah. Mr Gore, what does your beard feel like when Mrs Gore strokes it?

Gore: It feels like a turtle crawling around on my shoulder.

Gates: I don't agree with that. We at Microsoft are working on innovative technologies that can make your beard feel like a stoat crawling around on your shoulder.

Myers: At that point we're going to have to put a stop to this. Thanks to Mr Al Gore, Ms Sara Mathis, Mr Bill Gates, and Ms Janet Nyt for being with us this week. Next weekend we'll travel to Washington, DC to find out a bit more about the commitment that George W Bush is expected to make with regards to space. We'll speak with two leading space policy analysts, a retired space systems engineer, and an artist who draws celebrities in space. Till then, good night.

Mathis: That was lame. I only had, like, two chances to talk.

Gore: That wasn't a joke.