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THIS WEBSITE IS AN INTERNATIONAL SAFE HAVEN FOR LIES – NO MALTREATMENT OF LIES SHALL BE TOLERATED

WEEKLY WHINE

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WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED BY OUR PROGRAMMING

“Programming languages must come together on this and use elseif.” Solve all problems simultaneously in We Apologise for Any Inconvenience Caused By Our Programming.

Keywords: Computers, Variety

ALL INTERFACES ARE AVAILABLE

“Use Secure Shell instead.” Load letter into your printer, not your PC, in All Interfaces Are Available.

Keywords: Computers, Variety

ARBITRARY ARACHNIDS

“This name conjures up amusing images of a meerkat refusing to stand sentry, shouting to the clan, ‘I’m Doug! Man, I’m outta here!’” Enthusiastically greet Louie and exhort him to dip his balls into a gift presented by the Arbitrary Arachnids.

Keywords: Computers, Variety

STUMP EDVARD ON TEH INTERWEBS

“I think you’ll find that’s true of most things people post online.” Realise that it might be in your interest to avoid calling that one commenter an ignorant ass fragment in Stump Edvard on Teh Interwebs.

Keywords: Computers, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard, Internet

THE REPLACEMENT

“The challenge is enormous.” Discover what we will all be witnesses to in The Replacement.

Keywords: Computers, Support, Deep Whine

SURPRISE ME, WATSON

“Of course, it is not just any computer, and they are not just any humans.” See if your signalling device is not just any signalling device in Surprise Me, Watson.

Keywords: Variety, Computers, Game shows

PLEASE REPORT ALL EXPLODING WHALES

“I heartily recommend creating this article and seeing how long it lasts before Wikipedia undergoes a total existence metacrisis.” Prove that everything we say is a lie – except that – and that – and that – and that – in Please Report All Exploding Whales.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

GETTING THE MOST OUT OF YOUR WORDS

“It is a second tier capability receiving first tier billing.” See what mail merging has to do with Chivas USA in Getting the Most Out of Your Words.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

TOOLS PLEASE

“None of this ‘special menus and tabs that are nowhere to be found until you’ve clicked on something’ bullshit.” Determine what you have to do to make our special opinions and remarks appear in Tools Please.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

OFFICE 2010 WAS MY IDEA

“You might well ask why we would ever want to do something that silly.” Come face to face with the dark side of your desires in Office 2010 Was My Idea.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

COMPUTER DESTRUCTION

“Unfortunately, we seem to have lost it.” See how we finally came to the same conclusion that you reached years ago in Computer Destruction.

Keywords: Computers, Support

REMAINING PRIVATE STUMPS EDVARD

“Let’s have your Fastest Finger question about Internet privacy.” Place your fingers on the buttons and be ready for anything in Remaining Private Stumps Edvard.

Keywords: Computers, Community, Edvard

CÓMO USUAR SU COMPUTADORA NUEVA

“Yes, welcome to the Ctrl-Alt-Delete Age, cubanos.” Find out what you need to know about your Cuban computer in Cómo Usuar Su Computadora Nueva.

Keywords: Computers, Support, Instructional video

YOU’RE WELCOME

“By drawing attention to the plight of ordinary consumers, we have shamed the incompetent, yet strangely super-rich executives who make decisions at these large corporations.” Examine fairness and why it doesn’t exist in You’re Welcome.

Keywords: Computers, Propaganda, Novelty, SLAP

PLAY NOW

“With the most realistic physics ever to hit console tiddling, Wii Tiddlywinks lets you tiddle with the pros!” Take part in some virtual tiddling in Play Now.

Keywords: Computers, Support, SPEED

WE DON’T NEED NO THOUGHT CONTROL

“That’s right, your computer is female. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? She says you never bothered to find out.” Let the truth be told in We Don’t Need No Thought Control.

Keywords: Computers, Support, Deep Whine

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