WEEKLY WHINE

One state, two state, red state, blue state

We're here in the United States, and we are of the opinion that this election is going to be hilarious.

Ironic, isn't it?

The most important election of any sort in at least fifty years, and it's going to be hilarious?

Well, that's what happens when "Dynamite Eating" Edvard van de Kamp is around. Edvard can spot humour from a range of over 700 metres. So, when you sent him your questions about the Democratic convention, hilarity abounded. But don't just assume that because we say it, it's true. After all, we're not Fox News. Instead, make your decision based upon these reports from Edvard, and then utilise the Whine Control up and right to view previous items about him.

Dear Edvard: Whose speech was the best? - Mark Andonio, Crawford, TX, USA

Dear Mark: No question about that. Barack Obama, Senate hopeful from Illinois, on TUE 27 JUL 2004. "If there's a child on the South Side of Chicago who can't read, that matters to me, even if it's not my child."

Dear Edvard: Who gave the funniest speech at the convention? - Amy Lawson, Naperville, IL, USA

Dear Amy: Al "Defender of the Spacetime Continuum" Gore. "I didn't come here tonight to talk about the past. After all, I don't want you to think I lie awake at night counting and recounting sheep."

Dear Edvard: Isn't the Democrats' present a bit thin? I mean, the best speakers at the convention were Bill Clinton and Al Gore, the party's past, and Barack Obama, the party's future. Kerry's not a great speaker. - Chuck Leskind, Wellington, New Zealand

Dear Chuck: I thought he was pretty good. Remember when he was talking about in which part of the hospital he was born? "I'm not making this up. I was born in the West Wing."

Dear Edvard: Is it just me, or was there a lot more Bush bashing than they said there would be? - Ed Vuch, Vacaville, CA, USA

Dear Ed: Sort of.

Dear Edvard: What? - Terrence Vuch, Vacaville, CA, USA

Dear Terrence: Well, everybody bashed Bush to some extent. It's unavoidable, like breathing. But a lot of times, the Bush bashes were veiled.

Dear Edvard: I thought all the "Kerry rules" speeches got a little dull. - Linda Fïllar, Stockholm, Sweden

Dear Linda: Yeah, but what was the point of the convention if not to hear everyone go "Kerry rules"?

Dear Edvard: How about that Jimmy Carter? That was some hardcore Bush bashing. - Gary Grey, Flushing, NY, USA

Dear Gary: Yes. "We cannot maintain our historic self-confidence as a people if we generate public panic."

Dear Edvard: How come all the delegates always answered the speakers' rhetorical questions? - Laura Fickstein, Chatham, MA, USA

Dear Laura: Because they're dumb.