WEEKLY WHINE

44 is too many

So how have Arsenal managed to go 44 straight league matches without losing? Magic? Lucky socks? Low carb diets?

Whatever the answer may be, there's no denying that Arsenal are one of the top football clubs in the world now. They reached the quarterfinals of the UEFA Champions League last year, and they are the only team other than Chelsea to have won all their matches so far this Premiership season.

You may be wondering how much longer this run is going to last. Well, GoobNet has the answer.

Exactly what you were afraid of, isn't it?

SAT 11 SEP 2004: FULHAM V ARSENAL

Arsenal make the trip to Craven Cottage to meet up with Andy Cole, Luis Boa Morte, and Fulham. The match gets off to a quick start in the fourth minute when Edu collides with Carlos Bocanegra and bursts into flames. Arsène Wenger gives Robert Pires a fire extinguisher to put out Edu, but he is shown a yellow card for using unapproved equipment. Nonetheless, Edu plays cautiously throughout the rest of the match, with his influence carrying through the rest of the team.

Result: Fulham 00-00 Arsenal

SAT 18 SEP 2004: ARSENAL V BOLTON

Back home to Highbury for this league match against Bolton, coming after their Champions League opener against PSV Eindhoven. Edu was forced to sit out that match for a trip to the repair shop, where it was discovered that the collision with Bocanegra voided his warranty. Bravely, Arsenal decide to leave him in the lineup.

This match, though, is headlined by the wonderful Thierry Henry, who logs his first hat trick of the year. All the goals come on corner kicks, all come in the first half, and all come immediately after he distracts the defender marking him with a well timed sneeze.

Result: Arsenal 04-01 Bolton

SAT 25 SEP 2004: MANCHESTER CITY V ARSENAL

Arsenal are welcomed to the City of Manchester Stadium with a tenuous grip on first place. But things go badly for the Gunners as Shaun Wright-Phillips puts Man City up in the 34th minute. Arsenal keeper Jens Lehmann appears to have control of the free kick, but the ball takes an unlikely skip off the mobile telephone in his pocket and bounds into the net. Luckily for Arsenal, Lehmann makes up for his blunder by firing a goal kick off the referee's head and into David James's net with just four minutes remaining.

Result: Man City 01-01 Arsenal

SAT 02 OCT 2004: ARSENAL V CHARLTON ATHLETIC

The Addicks come to Arsenal's home full of hope that maybe Wenger knows why they're called the Addicks. But Wenger comes up with a different idea: "How about les Adiques?" The perplexed Charlton players take out their frustrations on the Gunners by pushing them repeatedly, regardless of whether they're looking.

Eventually, these tactics catch up with them when South Africa teammates Mark Fish and Shaun Bartlett are both sent off for pushing Freddie Ljungberg and José Antonio Reyes into one another. With Fish and Bartlett out of the picture, Henry is free to run roughshod through the Addicks' defense.

Result: Arsenal 02-00 Charlton

SAT 16 OCT 2004: ARSENAL V ASTON VILLA

When Villa come to Highbury, they bring their best show. Unfortunately, critics feel that their best show should have been cancelled two seasons ago. Undeterred, goalkeeper Thomas Sørensen shines for Villa with 62 saves, quite an accomplishment for a keeper who faced only nine shots on goal.

Result: Arsenal 00-00 Aston Villa

SUN 24 OCT 2004: MANCHESTER UNITED V ARSENAL

Arsenal's two visits to Manchester this year come within the first two months of the season. On the second visit, Man U defender Mikaël Silvestre has an argument with Sol Campbell over the new uniforms that Nike have supplied to both teams for this year. Silvestre believes the kits are stylish and forward looking, whereas Campbell is of the opinion that the seaming is unusual and makes him look "like a big old honeycomb".

The discussions are forgotten, however, when an incident occurs on a corner kick. When Edu goes up for a header, he is undercut by Ryan Giggs and again bursts into flames, with Giggs also catching on fire when Edu lands on him. After the fires are put out, Edu is sent off for setting an opponent alight. Man U then make their man advantage count deep into second half stoppage time, with Giggs heading in the matchwinner and then throwing his partially burned jersey into the crowd after the final whistle.

Arsenal's unbeaten streak comes to an end after 49 matches, and the league honours their accomplishment with a video greeting from another famous 49er, Joe Montana, who says, "Congratulations to whoever you are for whatever you just did. Have a grilled flank steak, on me." In a wonderful display of sportsmanship, the Gunners share their steaks with the Man U players, many of whom consider them overcooked.

Result: Man Utd 01-00 Arsenal