WEEKLY WHINE

Just wait for the next eclipse

With the Boston Red Sox having just won the World Series, many are wondering whether it will be another 86 years before their seventh title. Well, we need your help with that. Here are some events in the future. It's up to you to decide whether these events are going to happen before or after the Sox win their next World Series. When you're done, we'll show you the results and tabulate your score.

1. VIRGIN GALACTIC BEGINS SERVICE [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
The first Virgin Galactic flight, using SpaceShipOne technology licensed from Scaled Composites, lifts off in 2007 from beneath a Virgin aircraft. In addition to Sir Richard Branson, passengers include Al Gore, Lance Bass, Lance Armstrong, Sheryl Crow, Oprah Winfrey, and Clark Anderson of Fort Worth, TX, USA, winner of Rebel Billionaire 3.

2. LEBRON JAMES WINS NBA CHAMPIONSHIP [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
After twenty years playing for the Cleveland Cavaliers and forty three coaching them, LeBron James finally becomes an NBA champion in 2066 when the Cavs defeat the Montevideo Grizzlies in six games. A series of rule changes leads to the highest scoring NBA Finals series since 2004.

3. HUMANS LAND ON MARS [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
Michael J Nelson lands on Mars in 2024. When he steps out of the airlock on Gypsy One and onto the Martian surface, he immediately says: "Hey, where'd everybody go? I brought Yahtzee!"

4. FIRST SPACE ELEVATOR CONSTRUCTED [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
In 2038, the finishing touches are put on the first space elevator. It extends more than 36,000 km upward from the east coast of Brazil. Shortly after the first car lifts from the surface, the first Space Mardi Gras is held.

5. WHITE SOX WIN WORLD SERIES [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
Talk of cursed franchises always overlooks the Chicago White Sox, who go 162 years between championships before they finally win in 2079, defeating the Cincinnati Reds in five games in the World Series. The President of the United States, Steffi Agassi-Graf II, places the traditional congratulatory call to the White Sox' manager, Jeff Maier III: "Congratulations! I'd forgotten the White Sox were still around!"

6. WOMAN ELECTED US PRESIDENT [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
The first woman to win the US presidential election is LaShondra Wright of Chicago, IL, USA, winner of Who Wants to Be a Presidential Candidate 8. She wins 320 electoral votes in the 2036 election.

7. FIRST BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE MADE [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
The Matrix Reformatted: Harry Potter and the Hard Drive of Seraph is released in 2016, having cost US$1,018,000,000 to make. Keanu Reeves had been killed in a freak bowling accident two years previously, forcing the Wachowski brothers to cast a cardboard cutout in Neo's role. On the DVD commentary, they point out: "For most movies, a four hundred million dollar cardboard cutout would have been good enough. We needed better."

8. NON-NORTH AMERICAN TEAM PLAYS IN WORLD SERIES [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
Having narrowly avoided contraction fifty years previously, new National League members the Kintetsu Buffaloes meet the Minnesota Twins in the 2054 World Series. The Twins sweep the Buffaloes, causing Japanese fans to call for a boycott of all Minnesotan products. Order is restored when it is proven that there are no Minnesotan products in Japan.

9. FIRST LUNAR BASE OPENS [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
China completes the first base on the lunar surface in 2022. Eight people reside there for the first mission of eighteen months. And Chinese television viewers get to see all their arguments about peanut butter.

10. FIRST LUNAR THEME PARK OPENS [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
The first Sixteen Flags park opens on the Moon in 2048. In his speech, the project's leading investor, Bill Gates, says, "I'm sure we can all appreciate the work required to turn this area from a physical wasteland to a cultural wasteland."

11. OLSEN TWINS CLONED [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
Occurs in 2004 in a secret facility in New Jersey. That just happened yesterday, in fact.

12. FIRST BRAIN TRANSPLANT PERFORMED [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
In 2011, a plane crash causes severe damage to George W Bush's brain. Surgeons replace it with a parrot's brain. The results are widely considered a significant improvement.

13. FIRST 100 HOME RUN SEASON [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
Aim Garciaparrahamm hits 102 home runs for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 2033. Rumours swirl that she used steroids, but those rumours are disproven when she tells reporters, "Look. If I was using steroids, would I be standing here right now talking to you in a voice like Jennifer Tilly's?"

14. LUNAR POPULATION REACHES 1,000 [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
In 2042, the thousandth person moves to the Moon. He is Jack Delfeber, former left fielder for the San Diego Padres. He is trying to escape the humiliation of allowing a fly ball by Ken Griffey III to bounce off his head and over the wall for the winning home run in Game 7 of the 2041 World Series against Boston. But when he lands, he is confronted by an angry Al Gore: "You bastard! I had ten thousand dollars on the Padres!"

15. FIFTH SEASON OF FUTURAMA AIRS [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
Not until the collapse of NewsCorp and the subsequent purchase of the rights to Futurama by Cinemax is the programme's fifth season finally recorded and aired. Because the original voice actors and animators are long since deceased, the thirteen episodes, broadcast in 2089, are taped on location and feature many new characters, including Fry and Leela's twin daughters, Turanga Paris and Nicky.

16. NHL LOCKOUT ENDS [ before | afterbeforeafter ] CORRECT INCORRECT
In 2006, Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow are locked in a meeting room at the Palace hotel in New York, not to be allowed out until they have struck a deal. In 2096, the hotel manager comes across the locked door, breaks it down, and discovers that Bettman and Goodenow had beaten one another to death ninety years previously. The NHL and the players' union finally come to terms, and the only team that has not yet folded, the Montréal Canadiens, wins the Stanley Cup in 2097 in a hard fought seven game series against nobody.

NEXT RED SOX WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP: 2041
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