Schmilblick Patrol: Andy Reid

Edvard: Hello everyone! Good afternoon, and welcome to GoobNet's Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol! Let's say hello to today's participant. He's a two time NFL Coach of the Year, he was a Super Bowl winner as an assistant with the Green Bay Packers, and he's the first coach in twenty four years to take the Eagles to the Super Bowl. Playing our game today, please welcome Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid.

Andy: Hi Edvard. How are you?

Edvard: Doing good, thanks. Ready to meet the patrollers?

Andy: Let's do it.

Edvard: Okay. First we've got Len from Dorchester, SC, USA.

Len: Hi.

Edvard: Howard from Tinicum Township, PA, USA.

Howard: What's up Edvard.

Edvard: And Paula from Ankara, Turkey.

Paula: Hi there.

Edvard: So Andy, what's your Schmilblick today?

Reid: My Schmilblick is: Why we didn't go to the hurryup offense when we had five and a half minutes left and were down by two scores.

Edvard: Why you didn't go to the hurryup offense when you had five and a half minutes to go and a two possession deficit. That sounds like a real challenge. So if our patrollers can identify your Schmilblick today, they'll win an autographed Gatorade bucket that would have been emptied over your head. But if they're unable to guess your Schmilblick in eighteen queries, you'll win an autographed water cooler that would have been emptied over Paula's head. So, good luck to each of you today. Patrollers, are you ready?

Len: Ready!

Paula: Let's go!

Howard: Yeah.

Edvard: Andy, are you ready?

Andy: Ready.

Edvard: Okay, let's go on patrol! Len, you're up first.

Len: Thanks Edvard. Hi Andy.

Andy: Hi Len.

Len: Andy, were you hoping to catch the Patriots off guard?

Andy: No, I wasn't.

Edvard: Okay then. That's a good start, and it's one down, seventeen to go. Howard, what do you want to ask first?

Howard: Hi Coach. Nice to meet you.

Andy: Nice to meet you.

Howard: Coach, was McNabb ill during that last drive?

Andy: No.

Edvard: Donovan McNabb, your Pro Bowl quarterback. Wasn't feeling ill.

Andy: No, he wasn't.

Edvard: Even though Hank Fraley said he was.

Andy: Well, he wasn't.

Edvard: All right, then. Two down, sixteen to go. Now let's say hello to our patrollers. Paula, hi.

Paula: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: What do you do in Ankara?

Paula: I'm a consultant for a bowling equipment manufacturer.

Edvard: Is bowling big in Turkey?

Paula: Absolutely. When they're not cheering on Hakan Sükür and Rüstü Recber, Turks love to roll heavy spheres in hopes of strikes, spares, and of course, turkeys.

Edvard: Okay, sounds great. Well, let's have your first question, Paula.

Paula: Okay. Did you want to make sure the Patriots wouldn't have time to come back?

Andy: Yes.

Edvard: That's not your Schmilblick, though.

Andy: That's right, it isn't.

Edvard: Well, looks like we've still got a lot more work ahead of us, patrollers. Three down, fifteen to go. Len, hi.

Len: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: Where's Dorchester, SC?

Len: It's just up I-26 from Charleston.

Edvard: And what do you do there in Dorchester?

Len: I'm a bicycle repair man.

Edvard: A bicycle repair man. You know, there was a great Monty Python sketch about a bicycle repair man.

Len: There sure was. A lot of people mention that when I say what my job is.

Edvard: So would you call yourself a superhero like Bicycle Repair Man?

Len: Well, it is all in a day's work.

Edvard: Okay, sounds great. Let's have another question, Len.

Len: Okay. Andy, were you feeling ill?

Andy: No, I wasn't.

Edvard: All right, well, a good try on the switcheroo there, but we now discover that neither Donovan nor Andy was feeling ill during that drive. And that's four down, fourteen to go. Howard, hi.

Howard: Hello to you, Edvard.

Edvard: Where is Tinicum Township, Howard?

Howard: It's just outside of Philly.

Edvard: So are you an Eagles fan, Howard?

Howard: Absolutely. I went down to Jacksonville for the game.

Edvard: Did you get tickets for the game?

Howard: No, I couldn't get tickets. But a bunch of us Eagles fans went to a bar downtown and basically took the place over.

Edvard: How did you feel about the loss?

Howard: It was a real crusher. We felt like we should have won. But we've done really well this year, and I think we'll be back next year. This team is just getting started.

Edvard: Okay then. How about another question.

Howard: Sure. Coach, did the team practise no huddle offenses in the week before the Super Bowl?

Andy: Yes, we did.

Edvard: It didn't seem to help, though. Five down, thirteen to go. So Paula, how about your second question?

Paula: Sure. Andy, did the team do well when they practised the no huddle?

Andy: No.

Edvard: Really? They had problems with the no huddle?

Andy: There were some problems.

Edvard: Well, that sounds interesting. Some no huddle problems in Philadelphia practise. And that's six down, twelve to go, and so we go back to you, Len.

Len: Andy, were the problems in practise due to getting the play call in?

Andy: No.

Edvard: Well, a good guess, and I thought you might have gotten his Schmilblick there. But as it is, it's seven down, eleven to go, and so Howard, here's another chance for you.

Howard: Coach, were the problems in practise related at all to TO?

Andy: No, Terrell didn't have anything to do with them.

Edvard: You're saying Terrell Owens, your star wide receiver, wasn't the cause of the problems with the no huddle?

Andy: That's right.

Edvard: You're sure he wasn't distracted by his appearance on our show last week?

Andy: Well, if anything, I think appearing on this show helped Terrell focus on Sunday.

Edvard: Okay, well, that's a new way to look at things, I suppose, but in the end it's eight down, ten to go. Paula, we come back over to you. Do you have a good question?

Paula: Well, I hope so. Andy, did you have confidence in McNabb's ability to run the no huddle?

Andy: Definitely. I had complete confidence in Donovan.

Edvard: Okay, so that's another good guess from our patrollers, but with nine down, nine to go, not many of those guesses have paid off so far, and we still seem to be a ways away from determining your Schmilblick, Andy, which today is why you didn't go to a hurryup offense despite a two possession deficit and only five and a half minutes left to play in the Super Bowl. We're back over to Len. Will you shed any more light on this with your fourth question?

Len: Well, I hope so. Andy, were the problems with the no huddle related to any of the wide receivers?

Andy: No, they weren't.

Edvard: Okay, well, another good try, but it's now ten down, eight to go. Howard, what's your next question?

Howard: Coach, were any of the running backs having problems with the no huddle?

Andy: No.

Edvard: Okay, well, it wasn't McNabb, it wasn't the wide receivers, and it wasn't the running backs. And as we reach eleven down, seven to go, it seems like we want to know who it was. Paula, do you want to ask another question along those lines, or do you perhaps want to change gears a little bit?

Paula: No, I'll ask: Were the problems in practise related to anyone on the offensive line?

Edvard: Okay, well, that seems like the next logical place to go. Andy, was it the offensive line?

Andy: Yes, it was.

Edvard: It was?

Andy: That's right.

Edvard: Well, that leaves five possibilities, at least five starters. That's twelve down, six to go. Len?

Len: Andy, are your offensive linemen too heavy?

Andy: No, absolutely not. Their weights are appropriate for their builds.

Edvard: Well, Andy, if there's one thing you're qualified to discuss, it's weight. No, no, I'm only teasing. But that's thirteen down, five to go. Howard, what will you ask next?

Howard: Coach, was it Fraley?

Edvard: You mean, was Fraley responsible for the problems with running the no huddle offense?

Howard: Yeah.

Edvard: Well Andy, was centre Hank Fraley the man who jammed up the no huddle offense?

Andy: Yes, he was.

Edvard: Really? Hank Fraley?

Andy: Yes.

Edvard: But that's not your Schmilblick.

Andy: No, it isn't.

Edvard: All right then. That's fourteen down, four to go. Getting close to the end now. Paula.

Paula: Andy, was Fraley getting the snap counts mixed up?

Andy: No, he wasn't.

Edvard: Really?

Andy: He knew the snap counts.

Edvard: Well, I thought you had it that time. But we've got fifteen down, three to go. Each of our patrollers can ask only one more question. And we'll go to you first, Len. What will your last question be?

Len: I'm going to ask: Was Fraley feeling ill?

Andy: What is it with the obsessions over sicknesses?

Edvard: We'll ask the questions. Was Hank Fraley feeling ill, Andy?

Andy: No, he wasn't.

Edvard: Sixteen down, two to go. It's your last chance, Howard.

Howard: Coach, did Fraley have gas?

Andy: No.

Edvard: So I think that counts as a silly question. Seventeen down, one to go, and our patrollers have one more chance. Paula, let's make it a good one.

Paula: All right. Andy, did Hank Fraley refuse to run the no huddle offense unless you let him line up as an eligible receiver?

Andy: No. Of course he didn't.

Edvard: So that's it. Eighteen down, zero to go. And Andy, what was that Schmilblick that we didn't get?

Andy: Well, as it turns out, Hank has a medical condition that precludes him from snapping the ball less than 36 seconds after the previous play has ended. So we had no choice but to saunter up to the line of scrimmage as though we had all the time in the world.

Edvard: Really?

Andy: That's why we didn't go to the hurryup offense.

Edvard: Okay, well, I think I can speak for everyone when I say: What the hell? Anyway, our patrollers couldn't get your Schmilblick, so Andy, you win the autographed water cooler from Paula's office in Ankara. Congratulations, Andy. And we'll see you next time right here on GoobNet's Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol. This is Edvard van de Kamp, wishing you good tidings and better Schmilblicks. Good night, everyone!