Interaction: Men's World Cup draw

Myers: Good evening, and welcome to Leipzig, Germany, where we're on location to discuss yesterday's draw for the 2006 Men's World Cup conducted here. Well, the story here is Group C, where Argentina and the Netherlands, two of the world's top teams, are to face two other élite nations in Serbia-Montenegro and Côte d'Ivoire. That's just one of several challenging groups, and the world's best may have their work cut out just to get past the group phase. Can Brazil make it six championships? Will the host team win their fourth? Can an outsider like the Korea Republic or Mexico reach the top? And who will wear the silliest uniforms? These questions and more will be addressed, but first we go to our Interaction IQ, the Initial Question. It is Leif from Aalborg, Denmark, who wants to know... well, he wants to know who will wear the silliest uniforms. There you go. Well, we'll go first to the designer of the stage used for yesterday's draw ceremony, Ms Ana Koose.

Koose: I heard Paraguay wear red and white stripes. What are they, ice cream men?

Myers: A writer for Norway's NorFoot magazine, Mr Ravn Ligenthal.

Ligenthal: Italy wore those really tight jerseys in 2002. I'm telling you, they better not wear them again.

Myers: The coach of the under 21 team at Unidos Fuegitos in Argentina, Mr Ricardo Gemellini.

Gemellini: I think it will be Angola. They have red jerseys with black and gold things all over them.

Myers: And the cohost of yesterday's draw, Ms Heidi Klum.

Klum: Somebody said Côte d'Ivoire were going to wear big elephants on the front of their jerseys. That would be pretty cool.

Myers: And I'm Debbie Myers. I think the silliest uniforms are going to be any made by Nike. Well, another thing I'm sure a lot of people want to know is which group is the easiest. Ricardo?

Gemellini: Easiest for whom?

Myers: What the hell do you mean, easiest for whom? Either the group's easy, or it isn't.

Gemellini: But if the group is easy for one team, it must be hard for the others, and vice versa.

Myers: Okay, fine. Which group is easiest for the seeded team?

Gemellini: Spain have a relatively easy run in Group H. They face Ukraine, Tunisia, and Saudi Arabia.

Myers: None of those teams pose a significant threat?

Gemellini: Only Ukraine. Spain may or may not win the group, but they should advance with little difficulty.

Myers: All right. Group H? Easiest group, everyone?

Ligenthal: I think Germany also have things fairly easy. Costa Rica, Poland, and Ecuador are fairly good teams, but I still think Germany are well ahead of them.

Klum: Well, Germany are well ahead of most teams in the pack. But in this group, who's going to make a run at them? Ecuador can't play at sea level. Costa Rica were very inconsistent in qualifying. And Poland are Poland.

Myers: Meaning?

Klum: Meaning they beat teams worse than them, but lose to teams better than them.

Myers: Well, that statement contained no information. Well, remember, you have plenty of ways to get your questions to us. You can E-mail them, telephone us, write a physical letter, send a facsimile, text message, or telegraph, and you can see right now all of the ways to do that... just as soon as our girl in the truck presses the right button. There we go. Okay, our first question is from Ted in Cocoa Beach, FL, USA. Ted, are you there?

Ted in Cocoa Beach: Yes, hi.

Myers: Hello Ted. What is your question?

Ted in Cocoa Beach: What are the US's chances of reaching the second round?

Myers: Okay. The US are in Group E with Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic. Ravn, how will the US do in that group?

Ligenthal: They'll be third.

Myers: Third. Really?

Ligenthal: Yes. The Czechs will win the group. Italy will be second, followed by the US and Ghana.

Myers: I see. Well, since we're in such a predictive mood, would you care to tell us what will happen in any other groups?

Ligenthal: Sure. It will be Germany, Poland, Ecuador, and Costa Rica in Group A; Sweden, England, Paraguay, and Trinidad and Tobago in Group B; the Netherlands, Serbia and Montenegro, Ivory Coast, and Argentina in Group C; Portugal, Iran, Mexico, and Angola in Group D; Croatia, Brazil, Japan, and Australia in Group F; France, Switzerland, South Korea, and Togo in Group G; and then Spain, the Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, and Tunisia in Group H.

Myers: All right then.

Koose: Hold it, hold it.

Myers: Yes?

Koose: Did you put all the European teams ahead of everyone else?

Ligenthal: Did I? What about... well... no, I guess I did put all the European teams ahead of the others.

Koose: Are you just another one of those self centered European buffoons trying to impose their Eurocentric Eurocracy on everybody else? Because let me assure you, it won't work! Not everyone wears Europe coloured glasses, you know!

Myers: Wait, wait. Aren't you European?

Koose: Well, yes, but that doesn't mean I have some sort of Europeriority complex! In fact, you know what! [stands up] I renounce my Europeanity! From this moment forward, I am no longer European!

Myers: Um... okay. Then what are you?

Koose: What do you mean?

Myers: Well, you have to be from some continent.

Koose: Says who?

Myers: I just said it.

Koose: [sits] Well, what about people from the Pitcairn Islands? They're not from a continent.

Myers: Yes, but they have their own particular problems. Anyway, let's move on now to our next question, and it's an E-mail from Lauren in Split, Croatia. She asks which team will be the surprise of the tournament like the Korea Republic or Turkey at Korea/Japan 2002. Well, plenty of candidates. Ricardo, which of these 32 teams will have the most surprising success?

Gemellini: Surprising for whom?

Myers: Let's not go there again.

Gemellini: Because some of them are going to be surprising to their opponents, although not to themselves or people who have seen them play frequently.

Myers: Are you going to name a surprise or not?

Gemellini: All right, fine. Now keep in mind that this team is going to surprise others, but not necessarily themselves. Which is to say, they might not surprise themselves, although others will be surprised by how well they do.

Myers: Well, we don't have any more time left for you. Heidi, who do you think will be the biggest surprise?

Klum: There's no question. Iran.

Myers: Really? Iran?

Klum: Iran had a great performance in the qualifiers. They lost only two matches out of twelve and scored 29 goals during the qualifiers. They have players who have proven themselves with European clubs, like Ali Karimi from Bayern or Vahid Hashemian from Hannover 96. Their squad is full of World Cup veterans and veterans of the European leagues, and those are going to be the keys to success.

Myers: And how about the rest of you? Do you agree with that assessment?

Ligenthal: Iran suck.

Koose: Because they're not European. We've established that.

Ligenthal: It's not because they're European. It's because they rarely get a chance to challenge themselves against high level opposition.

Klum: Their European players do. They challenge themselves against high level opposition on a regular basis.

Ligenthal: Yes, but what about all their teammates who play in other parts of the world? If you want to succeed at the World Cup these days, you need a lot of players in the top European leagues, not just one or two. That's precisely why South Korea and Turkey did so well at the last World Cup. They had plenty of European players.

Klum: South Korea didn't. Only Ahn Jung Hwan and Seol Ki Hyeon were playing in Europe going into the 2002 World Cup.

Ligenthal: How the hell do you know all this, anyway?

Klum: What do you mean, how do I know it? Don't you know it?

Koose: What the hell is your problem, anyway? You think just because she's a pretty face, she doesn't understand football? I call bullshit on you, Ravn Ligenthal! [jumps up, hits Bullshit Button]

[Sirens, flashing red lights.]

Myers: All right, well, you've called bullshit, Ana. That means, Ravn, you get to present a statement to our other panelists. If they can correctly determine whether or not that statement is true, you'll be eliminated from the programme. But if you can successfully bullshit them, you can eliminate one of them from the programme. Everyone ready? Okay, Ravn, let's have your statement.

Ligenthal: Okay. I was born in Utah.

Myers: So, write down true or false on that card there. Good. [takes card] And we'll go to the rest of you, Ana, Ricardo, and Heidi. Is it true or false that Ravn was born in Utah?

Gemellini: I don't have a clue.

Klum: He doesn't sound Utahn to me.

Koose: How many wives does he have? No, I'm kidding.

Klum: Good, because I was about to call bullshit on you.

Koose: I think he's lying.

Klum: Want to go with that?

Myers: Okay, what's your answer?

Koose: We're going to say... false.

Myers: It is... [opens card] true. Well, you bullshitted the panel, Ravn. Whom do you want to eliminate?

Ligenthal: What happens to the person I eliminate?

Myers: That person leaves and takes no further part in the programme.

Ligenthal: Do they have to go to my hotel room?

Myers: Of course not.

Ligenthal: Oh. Well, then I guess I'm not eliminating Heidi. I'll eliminate Ricardo.

Gemellini: What? What did I do?

Ligenthal: It's not what you did, it's what you're going to do.

Gemellini: What?

Ligenthal: Nothing personal.

Myers: Okay, well, off you go, Ricardo.

[Gemellini exits.]

Myers: We have time for one more question. Sandy from Pitcairn Island, are you there?

Sandy in Pitcairn Island: Hi.

Myers: Hello Sandy. Let's have your question.

Sandy in Pitcairn Island: First, I have a comment. We consider ourselves Oceanian.

Myers: All right, well, Oceania is sort of a continent. What's your question, then?

Sandy in Pitcairn Island: My question is for Heidi Klum. Heidi, can I touch your boobs?

Klum: What?

Sandy in Pitcairn Island: It's an old Pitcairnian tradition.

Klum: What is, acting like a moron on worldwide television?

Myers: Well, we've alerted the authorities as to Sandy's whereabouts. In any case, that will have to be it for Interaction this week. Thanks to Ms Heidi Klum, Mr Ricardo Gemellini, Mr Ravn Ligenthal, and Ms Ana Koose for being here today. We'll return to Warwickshire next week, and we'll be talking about science labs in schools. We'll be joined by representatives of teachers' and students' unions, a leading biochemist, and a leading floor waxer. Till then, good night.

Koose: You should have told him that he could touch your boobs, and then kicked him in the nuts when he reached toward you. That woulda been awesome.

Klum: Nah, I've reached for enough balls this week.