WEEKLY WHINE

You can't fool Edvard

Did you hear the one about the people who went on a reality show thinking they'd fly into space?

Or how about the one about the people who thought they actually were in space?

Well, there was a programme in Britain called Space Cadets wherein twelve individuals were chosen to train as cosmonauts in Russia, with four of them travelling in space at the end of their stay. Of course, it was all a fraud. They never entered space, and indeed they never even left England. Not only that, three of the twelve were actors pretending to be regular people. The fake space mission was quite elaborate, with two more actors as the pilots and various technological goodies added to the wooden Space Shuttle orbiter mockup. But after the producers finally exposed the gag, all the participants were paid off in cash, along with trips to the actual Star City.

So they might have stumped the contestants, but did they stump Edvard? Obviously not, as you can see. And don't forget that you can expose yourself... to more from "Dynamite Eating" Edvard van de Kamp using the Whine Control available up and to the right.

Dear Edvard: How did they fake zero gravity? – Rashelle Arin-Peasley, Astrid, NM, USA

Dear Rashelle: They didn't. They told the participants that they were flying to "near space", where you can still feel gravity, rather than "outer space".

Dear Edvard: Isn't that bullshit? – Rashelle Arin-Peasley, Astrid, NM, USA

Dear Rashelle: That's kind of the point, Rashelle.

Dear Edvard: So did anyone actually figure out what was going on? – Jack Forsley, Wrexham, Wales, UK

Dear Jack: Apparently during the mission, they started to suspect that something was amiss, especially when the ashes of a dog were spilled and then cleaned up using a vacuum. But finally, they were sent on a supposed EVA, only to find their friends and assorted cast and crew members waiting for them outside the orbiter.

Dear Edvard: So could something like this work with American contestants? – Will Grafton, Hodgkins, MN, USA

Dear Will: Are you kidding? Americans would never figure this out. Sure, they might say, "How come every single thing in this supposedly Russian hangar is labelled in English?" And you could tell them, "We painted over everything, just to help you adapt." And they'd say, "Even the urinal cakes?" And you'd say, "Yes. We imported them from the US. I mean, you wouldn't want to spend a full day training here at the Russian cosmonaut base only to have to see some incomprehensible brand name on a urinal cake, would you?" And they'd say, "Duuuuh, okay."

Dear Edvard: Those contestants had to be pretty damn gullible. – DeFoster Grant, Brooklyn, NY, USA

Dear DeFoster: Yes. I hear that's how the contestants were chosen in the first place.

Dear Edvard: Was the show a success with the viewers? – Bridget Walter, Graz, Austria

Dear Bridget: Eeh, not so much. Some 2,000,000 British viewers were watching, but the numbers went down as the programme went on.

Dear Edvard: What would they have done if someone had caught on? – Linda Fïllar, Tumba, Sweden

Dear Linda: Did you move? Anyway, Channel 4 reportedly would have pulled anybody who seemed to have figured it out and replaced them with previously eliminated individuals. The host, Johnny Vaughan, liked to joke that they would have to show reruns if the gag was exposed.

Dear Edvard: Nobody noticed anything strange about the fact that they weren't in microgravity? Why not? – Steve Zhou, Ealing, England, UK

Dear Steve: Say it with me: Because they're dumb.