WEEKLY WHINE

You can't compare that!

What's wrong with the world today?

Aside from the obvious thing about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer, and the way we're ruining our planet without the slightest attempt at understanding it, and the way nobody cares about anything useful like science or mathematics or history or politics.

No, what's wrong with the world today is that people are comparing things to other things when they shouldn't. Here now we look at things that people are comparing, why they're comparing them, and what can be done about it.

ONE ANOTHER

Don't compare people to other people. It'll just confuse you.

For example, in this BBC News article, users were asked for their thoughts in four different false moral dilemmas: whether to unplug a violin guy, whether to flip a switch, whether to push a guy off a bridge, and whether to blow up a guy. The answers were consistent: about 3:1 in favour of one option or the other.

The questions all carried the implicit assumption that one human life is equal to another. But as George Orwell or the Republican Party can tell you, some human lives are more equal than others. Take the question about the violinist. [Please!] Stating he's a "world famous violinist" tests whether you think someone who's famous is worth more than you are. But remember, fame and usefulness rarely coincide. Right, Ms Hilton?

Or consider the one about the runaway train. Do you flip the switch to send it onto a track that will kill just one person instead of five? Well, who are these people? What distinguishes them from others? What is noteworthy about their lives? What are they likely to accomplish if they don't get run over? What are they doing there? And most importantly, if they're milling about on a train track and not paying attention to whatever locomotives might be bearing down upon them, don't they deserve to die? Do you really have any obligation at all, except maybe to yell, "HEY STUPIDS! GET OUT OF THE WAY!"?

All this clearly shows: Don't compare people to other people. It'll just irritate you.

MONEY

"Have you ever said no to ninety nine thousand dollars before?"

This is a frequent question on the US version of Deal or No Deal, where saying numbers out loud can earn you large sums of money. [Not to be mistaken for The Price Is Right, where saying numbers out loud can sometimes earn you large prizes instead, depending upon which type of pricing game it is.] Howie Mandel likes to say something of the sort to contestants who have just rejected a large bank offer.

It's meant as a partly rhetorical question, which is just as well considering we can usually guess the contestant's answer. After all, if you are in the position where you can afford to say no to US$99,000, you don't really belong on a game show, do you?

You simply can't compare this situation to any others where someone might have been offered such amounts of money. Those offers might have been for services to be rendered, or for film rights, or for a box of cookies that look like Elvis, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, and George W Bush. The offer on the programme, conversely, is in exchange for not taking whatever dollar amount is sitting in the contestant's case.

Quite clearly, a better question would be: "Have you ever said no to ninety nine thousand dollars in lieu of equal chances at one cent, one dollar, one hundred dollars, one thousand dollars, one hundred thousand dollars, and seven hundred fifty thousand dollars?"

Maybe a bit wordy, but Howie seems to like words.