WEEKLY WHINE

Oops, we noticed you again

Ready for the latest “buzz” about Britney Spears?

There, entertainment reporters! You see how annoying your childish attempts at puns are?

Anyway, on FRI 16 FEB 2007, she walked into a hair salon in Tarzana, CA, USA and requested a hair shavage. The proprietor refused to do it, and Spears then did it herself.

Naturally, reporters are all, “What the hell is Britney thinking?” And Britney is all, “Who gives a shit what I’m thinking?” And you are all, “Who gives a shit what Britney’s thinking? I want to know what GoobNet readers are thinking!”

Well, here we are. So enjoy this opportunity to see inside the GoobNet Mailbox, where it’s always cloudy with a chance of acid rain, which could in turn cause acid reflux.

You know, this is actually the safest thing Britney Spears has done in a while. After all, she’s not driving around with her kids on her lap or walking around without panties.

– Rhiana Daseys
Colbrunn, Vic, Australia

You’re right about that. This is probably Spears’s best move since divorcing Kevin “My Fifteen Minutes Can’t Be Up Yet” Federline.

I was shocked and amazed to hear about Britney Spears shaving her hair. It’s really going to change my perception of her. Anyway, I was wondering whether the owner of the salon was planning to sell Britney’s hair online and give part of the proceeds to charity.

– Jenny Buck-Fusch
West Covina, CA, USA

Yes. The owner of the salon is planning to sell Britney’s hair online and give part of the proceeds to charity. How much money do you think her hair would go for?

On behalf of the Society of Shaved Girls, I’d like to congratulate Britney on shaving for the first time. Myself and others in the SSG enjoy maintaining our carefully shaven surfaces, and we would like to encourage others who may be shave-curious to give it a try.

– Laura Yamila Parker
Naperville, IL, USA

I’m pretty sure this is not the first time she’s shaved.

Oh, you mean her head.

I was unclear about the Society of Shaved Girls. Do they shave their heads, or their legs?

– DeLeean Nukupu
San Mateo, CA, USA

We’re a bit curious about that too. Especially Edvard.

Does the media really think Britney Spears is insane, or are they just writing that shit to get more readers?

– Carrie Osongo
Oghara, Nigeria

I think most news outlets are still bristling over some perceived slight long ago when they asked Spears for an interview and she refused.

I think Britney should go all in. She should shave her head with her kid in her lap while revealing her crotch.

– Gisele Hammersmith
Westfield, NY, USA

She might as well. Sean and Jayden are going to require a lifetime of therapy anyway.

I was kind of assuming that they shave their pussies. In which case I would have to agree that yes, Britney Spears has to have shaved her pussy previously.

– Fumie Nagamura
Niigata, Japan

No word yet on whether she’s ever sold her pubic hair online and given part of the proceeds to charity.

Actually, I once worked with someone from the Society of Shaved Girls. We worked together as physical trainers. One day in the locker room I mentioned how smooth she seemed. She told me all about the Society of Shaved Girls. Eventually I decided that it wasn’t for me, but it was interesting for a while. Anyway, long story short: it turns out that they shave their anuses.

– Annie K Jackson
Surprise, AZ, USA

We’re sorry we asked.