WEEKLY WHINE

The Swiss are coming! The Swiss are coming!

On the evening of WED 28 FEB 2007, the Swiss invasion of Liechtenstein commenced.

A couple of hours later, the Swiss army retreated.

Yes, a company of 171 Swiss troops entered Liechtenstein by mistake. The company hurried back as soon as their commanding officer realised where they really were. But how much trouble is the Swiss army in, and will Liechtensteiners ever forgive their larger neighbour?

The answers, apparently, are “None at all” and “They already did”. We found these out in this special all-Liechtensteiner edition of the GoobNet Mailbox. But make sure your GPS system is active, because if you’re not careful, you could enter the Liechtensteiner GoobNet Mailbox by accident and never know it.

I heard about the Swiss troops “invading” our country. It’s too bad they didn’t “invade” my house. I could have prepared tea cakes for them.

– Adolphus Grygaux
Ruggell, Liechtenstein

You can just go ahead and send those tea cakes to us. Address the box to “GoobNet Enterprises, Inc [which doesn’t actually exist however]”. That’s right, just write “GoobNet Enterprises, Inc [which doesn’t actually exist however]” on the box. It will get to us. We promise.

Do you think Liechtenstein is the world leader in accidental invasions? I don’t think there are any other countries that are invaded accidentally as often as we are.

– Regina Waseiger-Wahl
Vaduz, Liechtenstein

Thousands of American troops invaded Canada in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Okay, technically they weren’t troops just yet, but they would have been if they hadn’t invaded Canada.

Fucking Swiss. They’re always going around saying they’re better than everyone else because they’re so neutral. Well, we’re way more neutral than Switzerland will ever be.

– Michael Pawelskiy
Vaduz, Liechtenstein

That doesn’t sound very neutral to me.

Don’t listen to Michael. He’s not representative of the typical Liechtensteiner. Most of us are peace loving, industrious, and not in any way jerkfaces.

– Adolphus Grygaux
Ruggell, Liechtenstein

Grygaux! Pawelskiy! Who’s the most neutral? This Sunday, one cage match will decide it all! Two Liechtensteiners enter... one Liechtensteiner leaves! It’s a no holds barred fight to decide the king of carelessness, the emperor of impartiality, the knight of neutrality! It’s NeutralMania XXIX, this Sunday!

What the hell difference does it make which of those guys is more neutral?

– Marina Vannenberg
Schaan, Liechtenstein

Sounds like we have to call off NeutralMania XXIX. We just found someone who’s more neutral than either Grygaux or Pawelskiy.

I want to nominate my cousin Tifa. She’s more neutral than anyone I’ve ever met. I think she could beat Marina.

– Regina Waseiger-Wahl
Vaduz, Liechtenstein

It’s a late addition to NeutralMania XXIX! Vannenberg! Waseiger-Wahl’s cousin! Who will come out on top? And who will come out of her top? It all goes down this Sunday at the Gemeindesportplatz! Order now!

So how many Liechtensteiner readers do you have at GoobNet, anyway?

– Julieta Tanenstein
Triesen, Liechtenstein

Well, there’s you, Michael and Adolphus, Regina, and Marina. That’s about it.

Sounds like GoobNet needs a banner ad campaign targeted at Liechtensteiners. Luckily I work at a web design company. I can create a whirling spinning flashing exploding Flash advert that makes lots of noise and will tell everyone in Liechtenstein about GoobNet by covering up the articles on other sites. Just visit my portfolio at www.##############.li/#########.

– Michael Pawelskiy
Vaduz, Liechtenstein

Shut up.