WEEKLY WHINE

News you can’t afford to use

by Deb Harratsch

The GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network is currently broadcasting important information about everything that is happening throughout the world.

If you want to see that important information, you will have to watch between the 41st and 42nd minutes after the hour. As long as it’s the seventh or fifteenth hour of the day UTC. And as long as you don’t blink.

But during the rest of the day, you will instead see the following continuing stories covered on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network. The GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network: Use your television to view our programming live via satellite.

STS-117: S3/S4 TRUSSES
Paging passenger Sunita Williams: Do not wait for STS-118

US PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES
You still don’t know whom you’re voting for?

INTERNET PRIVACY THREATS
We may not know your name, but we know your favourite porn stars

AIR TRAVEL IN AMERICA
Passports, tuberculosis, and computer errors, oh my

SCIENCE UNDER ASSAULT
You’re just trying to confuse me with facts

THE GAME CONSOLE WARS
My Wiiitis is cooler than your PS3 thumb

BECKHAM FOR ENGLAND
Oh no! He’ll have to fly as much as DaMarcus Beasley!

THE MINIMUM SECURITY LIFE
Paris in the LA County Hilton