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Schmilblick Patrol: Don Garber

Edvard: Hello! Hi! Welcome! Hey, thank you everybody! Welcome to GoobNet’s Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol, where terrific prizes are uncertain, but the fun is for sure! We’ve got a thrilling show for everyone today, so let’s get going and meet our participant today. He’s a longtime sports executive, with experience in marketing and in television. He was the managing director for NFL International before turning his attention to the beautiful game and its development in the US. Playing the game today, let’s welcome the commissioner of Major League Soccer, Don Garber!

Don: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: Welcome to the programme, Don. Great to have you here.

Don: Thank you, Edvard. I’m pleased to be here.

Edvard: Great. Do you want to meet the patrollers now?

Don: Sure.

Edvard: Okay. We’ve got Eddie from Long Beach, CA, USA.

Eddie: Hi.

Edvard: Callie from Georgetown, Guyana.

Callie: Hi everyone!

Edvard: And Isabelle from New York City, NY, USA.

Isabelle: Hey there.

Edvard: Welcome to all of you. So, Don, let’s hear your Schmilblick for today.

Don: My Schmilblick is: Why MLS started the Pan-Pacific Championship tournament, which will take place in Hawaii in a couple of months.

Edvard: Why MLS started the Pan-Pacific Championship. That’s a tournament involving MLS, J-League, and A-League clubs.

Don: Right.

Edvard: Okay, that sounds like a good one. If our patrollers can guess your Schmilblick, they’ll win a trip to Hawaii and tickets to each match at the Pan-Pacific Championship, along with a chance to meet some of the players on each team. But if they can’t identify your Schmilblick in eighteen questions, you’ll win a trip to Long Beach and tickets to each match at the Pan-Long Beach Championship, along with the chance to meet some of the players on Eddie’s team. Sounds great, doesn’t it? So, patrollers, are you ready?

Callie: Ready!

Eddie: Yup.

Isabelle: Let’s do it.

Edvard: Don, are you ready?

Don: I’m ready.

Edvard: Then let’s go on patrol! Eddie, we go to you first.

Eddie: Okay. Hi, Don.

Don: Hi Eddie.

Eddie: Are the Galaxy going to be playing in this tournament?

Don: Yes, the Galaxy are one of the four teams that will participate.

Edvard: Okay. That’s a good start, and it’s one down, seventeen to go. Callie?

Callie: Thanks Edvard. Don, will the league make lots of money from this tournament?

Edvard: Cutting right to the chase. Well, Don, will this tournament be insanely profitable?

Don: Well, Edvard, I don’t know about “insanely”, but yes, we expect that we will turn a profit on this tournament.

Edvard: Fair enough. That’s two down, sixteen to go. But before we get our next question, we’ll take a moment to get to know our patrollers. Isabelle, hi.

Isabelle: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: You’re from New York City.

Isabelle: Yes.

Edvard: Manhattan, or...

Isabelle: Manhattan, yes. Chelsea, in particular.

Edvard: Great. And what do you do there in Chelsea?

Isabelle: I’m a graffiti researcher.

Edvard: What? Really?

Isabelle: Really.

Edvard: How does one research graffiti?

Isabelle: Well, I’m working on a new system that will project holographic graffiti, or as I like to call it, holograffiti.

Edvard: Interesting. And what would be the point of this holograffiti?

Isabelle: It would look awesome.

Edvard: Undoubtedly. Well, let’s have your first question, Isabelle.

Isabelle: Don, do you want the entire world to see Beckham play in a Galaxy jersey?

Don: I would hope they already have.

Edvard: Good, but are you actually trying to make the entire world’s population aware that Beckham plays for the Galaxy now.

Don: We do want a lot of people to know, yes.

Edvard: Okay. Good. That’s three down, fifteen to go. Eddie, hi.

Eddie: Hi Edvard.

Edvard: What do you do for a living?

Eddie: I’m in college right now, at Cal State Long Beach.

Edvard: Good. What are you studying?

Eddie: Music. I want to be a songwriter.

Edvard: What sorts of songs do you want to write?

Eddie: Probably good ones.

Edvard: That sounds like a winning plan to me. So, let’s have your question.

Eddie: Don, will this tournament determine the best team on the Pacific rim?

Don: Well, perhaps not, since it will be the preseason for our teams.

Edvard: So it won’t be a truly pan-Pacific championship.

Don: Perhaps not.

Edvard: Perhaps not. Okay, well, that’s four down and fourteen to go. Callie, hi.

Callie: Hi.

Edvard: What do you do there in Guyana?

Callie: I write poetry.

Edvard: Really? That’s awfully close to songwriting, isn’t it?

Callie: It rather is, yes.

Edvard: Perhaps you and Eddie should get together after the programme.

Callie: I’d love to. After the show?

Eddie: I’ll be there, babe.

Callie: I can’t wait.

Edvard: Hey, the sooner you guess Commissioner Garber’s Schmilblick, the sooner you two can go do whatever it is you kids do these days.

Callie: Yes, sorry. Don, do you want to have a meaningful tournament in a warm weather locale before the league season starts?

Don: Yes, we did.

Edvard: But that’s not your Schmilblick.

Don: No, it isn’t.

Edvard: Okay. That’s five down, thirteen to go. Isabelle, back over to you.

Isabelle: Don, do you want to run all soccer leagues on the Pacific rim?

Don: What? No, I don’t.

Edvard: Are you sure?

Don: I’m sure, Edvard.

Edvard: Okay then. Well, that’s six down and twelve to go. Eddie, what will you ask?

Eddie: Was this tournament your idea?

Don: No, it wasn’t my idea.

Edvard: Okay. It remains to be seen whether whose idea it was will actually be relevant. But in any case, that takes us to seven down and eleven to go. Callie?

Callie: Don, was it the idea of one of the commissioners of the other leagues?

Don: No, it wasn’t.

Edvard: Really? Well, that’s kind of interesting, I suppose. It’s now eight down and ten to go, Isabelle. You’ll close out the first half for us.

Isabelle: Don, did David Beckham want to play this tournament?

Don: Yes, he did. And that’s my Schmilblick.

Edvard: It is?

Don: Yes. David told us that he had an idea for a preseason tournament in Hawaii, and we thought that would be lots of fun, so we went with it.

Edvard: Interesting. So Beckham gets a tournament in Hawaii because he said so?

Don: Well, it’s not quite that simple. But yes, it largely grew out of a suggestion he made to us.

Edvard: So Beckham gets whatever he wants?

Don: Again, it isn’t really that simple. We took a number of criteria into consideration. Does it make sense from a competitive standpoint? Will the teams come to win rather than treat it as a friendly? Will there be fan interest? Will the supporters want to travel to see their teams? And we think it will be a success on all of these levels.

Edvard: But if Beckham had refused, would you still do it?

Don: I don’t feel comfortable commenting on that.

Edvard: I see. Well, that means our patrollers have guessed Don Garber’s Schmilblick in only nine questions. Well done, everyone. You’ve won that trip to the Pan-Pacific Championship in a couple of months. Have a great time, all of you. And that will do it for GoobNet’s Adventures of the Schmilblick Patrol this week. Until next time, this is Edvard van de Kamp, wishing you good tidings and better Schmilblicks. So long, everybody!