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I’M BRITNEY SPEARS’S SON, AND GOOBNET IS MUCH SAFER THAN MY MOMMY’S CAR

WEEKLY WHINE

Wholly evident

We here at GoobNet are pleased to present to you this prediction of the teams’ final positions in several major European football leagues. If any of these leagues do not end up in this order at the end of the 2008-9 season, we will punish our team of prognosticators by blindfolding them, outfitting them in green and white hoops, and dropping them off at Ibrox Stadium.

¤Qualify for 2009-10 UEFA Champions League
Qualify for 2009-10 UEFA Cup
+To playoff for 2009-10 UEFA Cup
»Promoted
To promotion playoff
To relegation playoff
«Relegated

ENGLAND

PREMIER LEAGUE
1¤Chelsea
2¤Manchester United
3¤Arsenal
4¤Liverpool
5Aston Villa
6 Manchester City
7 West Ham United
8 Bolton Wanderers
9 Middlesbrough
10 Fulham
11 Stoke City
12 Tottenham Hotspur
13 Wigan Athletic
14 Portsmouth
15 Blackburn Rovers
16 Everton
17 Newcastle United
18«West Bromwich Albion
19«Hull City
20«Sunderland
CHAMPIONSHIP
1»Preston North End
2»Birmingham City
3Watford
4Swansea City
5Wolverhampton Wanderers
6Doncaster Rovers
7 Charlton Athletic
8 Coventry City
9 Barnsley
10 Sheffield Wednesday
11 Reading
12 Bristol City
13 Cardiff City
14 Norwich City
15 Crystal Palace
16 Derby County
17 Sheffield United
18 Burnley
19 Ipswich Town
20 Southampton
21 Queens Park Rangers
22«Plymouth Argyle
23«Nottingham Forest
24«Blackpool
LEAGUE ONE
1»Brighton-Hove Albion
2»Yeovil Town
3Carlisle United
4Oldham Athletic
5Bristol Rovers
6Swindon Town
7 Peterborough United
8 Millwall
9 Leeds United
10 Walsall
11 Leicester City
12 Colchester United
13 Stockport County
14 Scunthorpe United
15 Tranmere Rovers
16 Cheltenham Town
17 Leyton Orient
18 Crewe Alexandra
19 Milton Keynes Dons
20 Hartlepool United
21«Huddersfield Town
22«Northampton Town
23«Southend United
24«Hereford United
LEAGUE TWO
1»Wycombe Wanderers
2»Bradford City
3»Gillingham
4Chester City
5Bury
6Dagenham-Redbridge
7Aldershot Town
8 Accrington Stanley
9 Shrewsbury Town
10 Lincoln City
11 Notts County
12 Exeter City
13 Morecambe
14 Chesterfield
15 Port Vale
16 Darlington
17 Brentford
18 Rotherham United
19 Macclesfield Town
20 Grimsby Town
21 Rochdale
22 Barnet
23«Bournemouth
24«Luton Town

SPAIN

PRIMERA DIVISIÓN
1¤Real Madrid
2¤Valencia
3¤Barcelona
4¤Sevilla
5Villarreal
6Osasuna
7 Recreativo de Huelva
8 Espanyol
9 Deportivo de La Coruña
10 Atlético Madrid
11 Numancia
12 Málaga
13 Athletic Bilbao
14 Real Betis
15 Mallorca
16 Almería
17 Racing Santander
18«Real Valladolid
19«Getafe
20«Sporting de Gijón
SEGUNDA DIVISIÓN
1»Xerez
2»Eibar
3»Tenerife
4 Albacete
5 Salamanca
6 Deportivo Alavés
7 Rayo Vallecano
8 Girona
9 Levante
10 Real Sociedad
11 Alicante
12 Las Palmas
13 Elche
14 Gimnàstic de Tarragona
15 Hércules
16 Sevilla Atlético
17 Real Murcia
18 Real Zaragoza
19«Castellón
20«Córdoba
21«Huesca
22«Celta de Vigo

ITALY

SERIE A
1¤Milan
2¤Internazionale
3¤Juventus
4¤Lazio
5Catania
6Sampdoria
7 Reggina
8 Bologna
9 Atalanta
10 Fiorentina
11 Genoa
12 Palermo
13 Chievo
14 Udinese
15 Napoli
16 Roma
17 Siena
18«Torino
19«Cagliari
20«Lecce
SERIE B
1»Livorno
2»Empoli
3Pisa
4Treviso
5AlbinoLeffe
6Modena
7 Parma
8 Rimini
9 Sassuolo
10 Triestina
11 Ancona
12 Piacenza
13 Bari
14 Mantova
15 Cittadella
16 Ascoli
17 Brescia
18Vicenza
19Frosinone
20«Grosseto
21«Avellino
22«Salernitana
LEGA PRO 1 GIRONE A
1»Venezia
2Padova
3Reggiana
4Pergocrema
5Ravenna
6 Verona
7 Lecco
8 Pro Sesto
9 Novara
10 Cremonese
11 Lumezzane
12 Sambenedettese
13 Legnano
14Monza
15Pro Patria
16SPAL
17Portosummaga
18«Cesena
LEGA PRO 1 GIRONE B
1»Benevento
2Juve Stabia
3Gallipoli
4Potenza
5Cavese
6 Arezzo
7 Ternana
8 Foligno
9 Paganese
10 Pistoiese
11 Perugia
12 Crotone
13 Virtus Lanciano
14Marcianise
15Taranto
16Sorrento
17Pescara
18«Foggia

FRANCE

LIGUE 1
1¤Paris Saint-Germain
2¤Lyon
3¤Marseille
4Bordeaux
5 Toulouse
6 Nice
7 Auxerre
8 Valenciennes
9 Rennes
10 Le Havre
11 Monaco
12 Caen
13 Grenoble
14 Le Mans
15 Nancy
16 Lille
17 Saint-Étienne
18«Lorient
19«Nantes
20«Sochaux
LIGUE 2
1»Boulogne
2»Ajaccio
3»Metz
4 Montpellier
5 Châteauroux
6 Lens
7 Angers
8 Amiens
9 Sedan
10 Tours
11 Strasbourg
12 Bastia
13 Nimes
14 Clermont
15 Brest
16 Vannes
17 Dijon
18«Guingamp
19«Troyes
20«Stade Reims
CHAMPIONNAT NATIONAL
1»Istres
2»Laval
3»Bayonne
4 Sète
5 Cannes
6 Cassis
7 Pacy Vallée-d’Eure
8 Gueugnon
9 Louhans-Cuiseaux
10 Créteil
11 Arles
12 Rodez AF
13 Calais
14 Niort
15 Libourne-Saint-Seurin
16 Paris FC
17«Croix de Savoie
18«Beauvais
19«Cherbourg
20«L’Entente

GERMANY

1. BUNDESLIGA
1¤Bayern München
2¤Hamburg
3¤Wolfsburg
4Bayer Leverkusen
5Stuttgart
6 Borussia Dortmund
7 Hertha BSC Berlin
8 Mönchengladbach
9 Werder Bremen
10 Bochum
11 Eintracht Frankfurt
12 Arminia Bielefeld
13 Schalke 04
14 Hannover 96
15 Hoffenheim
16Köln
17«Karlsruhe
18«Energie Cottbus
2. BUNDESLIGA
1»Mainz
2»Duisburg
3Freiburg
4 Hansa Rostock
5 Kaiserslautern
6 Aachen
7 St Pauli
8 Nürnberg
9 Greuther Fürth
10 Ingolstadt
11 Ahlen
12 FSV Frankfurt
13 1860 München
14 Ahlen
15 Oberhausen
16Wehen
17«Koblenz
18«Osnabrück
3. LIGA
1»Erfurt
2»Bayern München II
3Paderborn
4 Kickers Emden
5 Fortuna Düsseldorf
6 Unterhaching
7 Stuttgart II
8 Sandhausen
9 Regensburg
10 Werder Bremen II
11 Carl Zeiss Jena
12 Union Berlin
13 Wuppertal
14 Stuttgarter Kickers
15 Dynamo Dresden
16 Kickers Offenbach
17 Eintracht Braunschweig
18«Aalen
19«Wacker Burghausen
20«Erzgebirge Aue

RUSSIA

Since the Russian leagues play a summer season, shown here are the predicted final results for the 2008 season, which is currently about two-thirds complete.

PREMIER LEAGUE
1¤Rubin
2¤Spartak Moscow
3¤Amkar
4Dynamo Moscow
5CSKA Moscow
6 Zenit St Petersburg
7 Terek
8 Moscow
9 Lokomotiv Moscow
10 Krylia Sovetov
11 Spartak Nalchik
12 Tom Tomsk
13 Saturn
14 Luch-Energiya
15«Shinnik
16«Khimki
FIRST DIVISION
1»Rostov
2»Anzhi
3 Ural
4 Kuban
5 Nosta
6 Baltika
7 KAMAZ
8 SKA-Energia
9 Metallurg-Kuzbass
10 SKA
11 Sibir
12 Volga
13 Salyut-Energia
14 Alania
15 Sportakademklub
16«Vityaz
17«Chernomorets
18«Zvezda
19«Torpedo
20«Dynamo Barnaul
21«Mashuk-KMV
22«Dynamo Bryansk

ROMANIA

LIGA I
1¤Dinamo Bucureşti
2¤Unirea
3Vaslui
4Steaua Bucureşti
5Oţelul Galaţi
6 Timişoara
7 Farul Constanţa
8 Craiova
9 Rapid Bucureşti
10 Braşov
11 CFR Cluj
12 Gaz Metan
13 Gloria Bistriţa
14 Pandurii
15«Argeş Piteşti
16«Gloria Buzău
17«Politehnica Iaşi
18«Otopeni

PORTUGAL

LIGA
1¤Porto
2¤Sporting Portugal
3Benfica
4Naval 1º de Maio
5Vitória de Setúbal
6 Nacional da Madeira
7 Belenenses
8 Sporting de Braga
9 Vitória de Guimarães
10 Marítimo
11 Leixões
12 Académica
13 Rio Ave
14 Paços de Ferreira
15«Estrela da Amadora
16«Trofense
LIGA DE HONRA
1»Boavista
2»Beira-Mar
3 Santa Clara
4 Gil Vicente
5 Sporting de Covilhã
6 Desportivo das Aves
7 União de Leiria
8 Oliveirense
9 Vizela
10 Freamunde
11 Olhanense
12 Portimonense
13 Varzim
14 Estoril-Praia
15«Gondomar
16«Feirense

NETHERLANDS

Note that the Eerste Divisie’s promotion playoffs also include the six teams that won the six periods of the season. We predict that the period winners will be Excelsior, Excelsior, VVV-Venlo, Go Ahead Eagles, AGOVV, and Excelsior. Hence, the teams that qualify for the playoffs will be VVV-Venlo, Go Ahead Eagles, AGOVV, Haarlem, Zwolle, Den Bosch, Dordrecht, and Eindhoven.

EREDIVISIE
1¤PSV
2¤Ajax
3Feyenoord
4Willem II
5+AZ
6+Utrecht
7+Heerenveen
8+Heracles
9 NAC Breda
10 Vitesse
11 Sparta Rotterdam
12 Twente
13 Groningen
14 ADO Den Haag
15 Roda JC
16NEC
17Volendam
18«De Graafschap
EERSTE DIVISIE
1»Excelsior
2Haarlem
3Go Ahead Eagles
4 VVV-Venlo
5 Zwolle
6 Den Bosch
7 AGOVV
8 Dordrecht
9 Eindhoven
10 RKC Waalwijk
11 Emmen
12 RBC Roosendaal
13 Cambuur
14 MVV
15 TOP Oss
16 Veendam
17 Fortuna Sittard
18 Telstar
19 Helmond Sport
20«Veendam

SCOTLAND

PREMIER LEAGUE
1¤Rangers
2¤Celtic
3Hearts
4Inverness Caledonian Thistle
5 Hibernian
6 Kilmarnock
7 St Mirren
8 Hamilton Academical
9 Aberdeen
10 Dundee United
11 Motherwell
12«Falkirk
FIRST DIVISION
1»Livingston
2 Partick Thistle
3 Queen of the South
4 St Johnstone
5 Clyde
6 Dunfermline Athletic
7 Dundee
8 Airdrie United
9Ross County
10«Greenock Morton
SECOND DIVISION
1»Raith Rovers
2Arbroath
3East Fife
4Brechin City
5 Queen’s Park
6 Peterhead
7 Stirling Albion
8 Stanraer
9Alloa Athletic
10«Arbroath
THIRD DIVISION
1»Dumbarton
2Albion Rovers
3Forfar Athletic
4Cowdenbeath
5 Montrose
6 Annan Athletic
7 Elgin City
8 Berwick Rangers
9 East Stirlingshire
10 Stenhousemuir

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