WEEKLY WHINE

Stump Edvard about automobile manufacturing

The United States make cars.

Perhaps not for much longer, though.

The man who is technically president of the US, George W Bush, has authorised US$17,400,000,000 out of the US$700,000,000,000 that was originally apportioned to fix banks in the US. The question is, should American automobile manufacturers be bailed out?

Ford, for one, intends to recover from this current crisis without a federal loan. But Chrysler and General Motors will be receiving several billion dollars each, and it is not clear whether even this will prevent them from imploding.

So what are you, ordinary citizens, concerned with? Do you fear that this bailout is not a useful method of spending money? Would you like someone to allay your fears? Well, let’s see what use our guy, “Dynamite Eating” Edvard van de Kamp, will be in this respect. Edvard is a prolific stump avoider, but this current issue is very complicated, so if you think you are going to stump Edvard, this is probably your best chance in quite some time.

Dear Edvard: Why didn’t automobile manufacturers in the US make more fuel efficient cars? It seemed pretty clear to me, at the start of this decade, that people were going to want to save money on gasoline, so why did the Big Three just refuse to make viable hybrid vehicles?

– Scott MacMurthey
Highbrook, Scotland, UK

Dear Scott: They believed, as a group, that adding an electric motor to a vehicle that already had an internal combustion engine would make the vehicle prohibitively expensive. They were wrong.

Dear Edvard: I want a self driving car. Where can I get a self driving car?

– Jenny Caper
Plymouth, CT, USA

Dear Jenny: Just keep going forward for about thirty years.

Dear Edvard: Why do cars cost a lot of money?

– Stanley L Mossbaum
New Rock, IL, USA

Dear Stanley: It is actually a clever plan to prevent the unwashed masses from purchasing them.

Dear Edvard: Now that my government is giving a lot of money to banks, insurers, and automobile manufacturers, we, the taxpayers, are now investors in these various companies. Shouldn’t we get an employee discount now?

– Kara Bethpage
Flagstaff, AZ, USA

Dear Kara: No. They don’t have any employees left, anyway.

Dear Edvard: I love American cars, and I own about forty of them. I think that it would be disastrous for our economy if any one of the Big Three were to shut down, let alone all of them. So my question is, if I sold sixteen of my cars to the general public, would that be enough to remind them of the quality of American cars so that the general public would begin buying them, thereby saving the Big Three from going out of business?

– Jack Millbaker
Fontana, CA, USA

Dear Jack: No. The best way to remind the general public of the quality of American cars would be for American cars to start having quality again.

Dear Edvard: Who needs cars to begin with?

– Edward O’Flarney
London, England, UK

Dear Edward: People who don’t live in large cities like London.

Dear Edvard: What is the most important lesson that we can learn from all this?

– Linda Fïllar
Tumba, Sweden

Dear Linda: Deregulation is disastrous.

Dear Edvard: Why won’t American car manufacturers admit that they completely misjudged people’s needs, close down entirely, reorganise, and reopen with a business model that more appropriately addresses the present day socioeconomic environment?

– Jan Baker-White
Toronto, ON, Canada

Dear Jan: Because they’re dumb.