WEEKLY WHINE

The cassava shipping crisis

The world is deeply concerned about the situation in Madagascar.

The portion of the world that is aware of the situation in Madagascar, at least.

In summary: Antananarivo mayor Andry Rajoelina has encouraged a series of protests against Madagascar president Marc Ravalomanana. Many of these protests have turned violent, and over sixty people have been killed thus far.

If you haven’t heard about this, that’s not too surprising. Media in your area is probably preoccupied with either the octuplets or which people from your local area played in the Super Bowl. So we would like to find out the current situation in Madagascar from the best possible source: the people of Madagascar themselves.

I am an employee of Viva, the television network that was shut down to start all this commotion. I personally believe that the government is acting rashly and that free speech should be defended no matter the cost. Therefore, I support the mayor of Antananarivo.

– John Kelomanojina
Antananarivo, Madagascar

Way to step out on a limb there.

How much longer will this unrest continue? I need to send a crate of cassava to my uncle in Tanzania, but I don’t want the looters to steal my cassava.

– Kelbert Fancopomole
Antananarivo, Madagascar

Luckily, there are relief organisations in Antananarivo that can help you ship your crate of cassava. Cassava Shippers Without Borders, the International Cassava Crate Society, and the International Committee of the Red Cassava are all currently active in Antananarivo. Find any of these organisations, and they will be happy to help you get your crate of cassava to your uncle.

Who does our mayor think he is, declaring himself the ruler of Madagascar? That’s not democracy. That’s whatever you call it when a guy just says that he’s in charge.

– Mia Baconn
Antananarivo, Madagascar

That would be autocracy.

Mayor Rajoelina is acting irrationally. Where does he get off?

– Channa G Wessenfessen
Antananarivo, Madagascar

Most likely, he gets off at the Independence Avenue stop.

Nothing is on in Madagascar. The television and radio stations have all shut down. Some of them have been looted, so there’s no telling when they might be coming back. How will the people of Madagascar know the result of the Super Bowl?

– Ivan Presto
Andapa, Madagascar

You can tell by the wager. As is customary with elected officials, Marc Ravalomanana and Andry Rajoelina made a friendly wager over the Super Bowl. If the Cardinals had won, Rajoelina would have had to loot his own television station. But the Steelers won, so Ravalomanana had to send Rajoelina an autographed Molotov cocktail.

As a retired Antananarivo fire fighter, I can tell you that the number of fires in the Antananarivo area is unusually high. There is some reason for the many fires, and it does not seem to be a natural phenomenon. This appears to be the work of various groups of people who are setting fire to buildings on purpose. To what end, we may never know.

– Laura Sekonolilimeta
Antananarivo, Madagascar

The Antananarivo community would like to thank you for your service. It would also like to express relief that you did not serve as a detective in the Antananarivo police department.

Ready for my Fastest Finger question about the disorder in Madagascar?

– Laika Gressomaloka
Morondava, Madagascar

Sorry, we don’t have time.

I am pleased to announce my exciting new plan to solve the Madagascar crisis. The solution is simple. President Ravalomanana and Mayor Rajoelina both appear on television together, in a programme that is broadcast on both state television and on Viva. A moderator asks them questions prepared by members of the public. That moderator is me. Meanwhile, while President Ravalomanana and Mayor Rajoelina are distracted, my minions take over both government house and city hall so that I become both the president of Madagascar and the mayor of Antananarivo. I encourage all Malagasy to visit http://www.[#########].mg/[#####]/[###########]/[#####].htm to find out how they can encourage President Ravalomanana and Mayor Rajoelina to take this challenge, which I call the Super Awesome Television Debate Challenge Moderated by Me.

– Shane D’Zorkka
Antananarivo, Madagascar

Shut up.