WEEKLY WHINE

Stump Edvard with the power of words

Some words mean different things to different people.

Some words have meanings that go far beyond their literal translations.

Still others are big and hard to understand.

Yes, any word can be used at any time, but using the wrong word at the wrong time brings the danger of empty coins writing to overweight philosophy.

But some people refuse to use certain words at all. Why is that? More to the point, can our very own know-some-of-it “Dynamite Eating” Edvard van de Kamp figure out why certain of our readers don’t use the words that they don’t use? Join us and see.

Dear Edvard: I never use the word “wop”. Can you guess why?

– Kelley Markinhammer
Chiswick, England, UK

Dear Kelley: Yes. It’s racist.

Dear Edvard: I hate to use the word “pretentious”. A hint: It has something to do with what the word means.

– Joann Quayley
Amarillo, TX, USA

Dear Joann: You believe that the word pretentious is itself pretentious.

Dear Edvard: I don’t like to use the word “fart”.

– Elise Mayandra
Santa Monica, CA, USA

Dear Elise: You went out with someone who took you to see Goldmember. You didn’t like Fat Bastard, and now every time you hear the word fart, you think of that scene.

Dear Edvard: I don’t like to say the word “cracker”. As a European, you may not know what the term means to Americans, so can you guess why I don’t say it?

– LeShaun Jackson
New York City, NY, USA

Dear LeShaun: You prefer cookies.

Dear Edvard: I hate it when people say “stupid” or “idiot”. People don’t need to say that.

– Chris A Heddersley
Toronto, ON, Canada

Dear Chris: You’re right. Why would anybody need to refer to someone as stupid or an idiot when we have such great words like fool, dumb, buffoon, moron, dimbulb, dipshit, and fucktard.

Dear Edvard: I hate the word “object”.

– Patience Sharon
Abuja, Nigeria

Dear Patience: You are opposed to homonyms. You would prefer us to use different spellings for words that have different sounds. How about object for the courtroom verb, and aubject for the noun synonymous with thing?

Dear Edvard: I don’t use the word “fabulous”. Why is that?

– James Knightsley
Colchester, MA, USA

Dear James: Homophobia.

Dear Edvard: How come I’ve never used the word “intermediary”? Wait, I just did!

– Sarah Curbissinova
Tampa, FL, USA

Dear Sarah: Because you’re a buffoon.