WEEKLY WHINE

Semicolon train remains inactive

There now follows a ranking of all rail services currently offered by the New York City Transit Authority. Express services have been included separately unless they use the same designator, so, for instance, the 6 and 7 diamond services are grouped in with the normal 6 and 7. We have also included the 2 Av Local, which is currently under construction but has been given the designator T.

1. A: 8 Av Express: Famous for the Billy Strayhorn song, this train services Rockaway Park, Brooklyn, and the West Side of Manhattan.
2. 6: Lexington Av Local, Pelham: Want to visit City Hall, Grand Central, and Pelham Bay Park? Have we got the train for you!
3. D: 6 Av Express: The best choice to get to Yankee Stadium from Coney Island.
4. E: 8 Av Local: This train offers express service through Queens, and it’s completely underground.
5. T: 2 Av Local: Due to complete in about five years, this train will make the 2 Av Subway a reality after nearly eighty years and will relieve the heavy pressure on the 4, 5, and 6 trains.
6. 1: Broadway-7 Av Local: Originating at the Whitehall terminal of the Staten Island Ferry, this train services the West Side of Manhattan to Riverdale in the Bronx.
7. 2: 7 Av Express: Who could argue with a train that services Nereid Av?
8. 3: 7 Av Express: Same as the 2 train, but with termini in Harlem instead of the Bronx, and New Lots instead of Flatbush.
9. Q: Broadway Express: This train features express service along Broadway, and it visits the New York Aquarium.
10. R: Broadway Local: This train links Queens Bl to Bay Ridge in Brooklyn.
11. 5: Lexington Av Express: The Lex Av line is the most heavily travelled line in the entire United States, with more than 1,300,000 riders every day.
12. F: 6 Av Local: The only service to Av X and to Roosevelt Island.
13. C: 8 Av Local: Local service over most of the A train’s run.
14. 4: Lexington Av Express: Known for servicing Yankee Stadium, this train is another express service on the Lex Av line.
15. G: Brooklyn-Queens Crosstown Local: Famous as the only full time service, other than shuttles, that does not pass through Manhattan.
16. 7: Flushing Local: This train is comprised of eleven cars, more than any other New York service. It is also known for servicing Non-Shea Stadium and the National Tennis Centre.
17. M: 6 Av Local: The current M has existed for only a year, after combining its original route with the V train along Queens Bl.
18. L: 14 St-Canarsie Local: This train is perhaps best known for being refitted to allow onboard computers to control each vehicle automatically.
19. Staten Island Railway: The reluctance to complete the Staten Island Tunnel, which would connect this train to the R train in Brooklyn, is hilarious. And the Staten Island Ferry is awesome anyway.
20. N: Broadway Local: The least exciting of the Q-N-R Triumvirate.
21. S: 42 St Shuttle: The shortest service in the system, this train simply moves back and forth between Times Square and Grand Central.
22. J: Nassau St Local: Along with the Z, this forms the most confusing pair of services.
23. Z: Nassau St Express: This train is rush hour only; a number of stations, such as Gates Av, Chauncey Av, and Van Siclen Av, are labelled “Z rush hrs, J other times”. Easy, right?
24. S: Rockaway Park Shuttle: Provides service to southern Rockaway when the other branch of the A train doesn’t.
25. S: Franklin Av Shuttle: Site of the 1918 Malbone St Wreck, an accident so traumatic that Malbone St, which had nothing to do with the train or the accident, was renamed Empire Bl.
26. B: 6 Av Express: Though designated an “express” service, this train omits only 23 St and 14 St and therefore qualifies as the least express express train in the system.