THE INVERSE OF ZAPP BRANNIGAN

WEEKLY WHINE

2013 GoobNet Global Football League Cup

Here are the results of the first GoobNet Global Football League Cup, determining the best football league in the world. We begin, of course, by thanking the world famous stadiums that hosted this tournament. The hosts for the regional semifinals and finals were the Monumental of Buenos Aires, the Bernabéu of Madrid, the Maracanã of Rio de Janeiro, and the San Siro of Milan. The final two rounds were hosted by Wembley of London.

This was quite a thrilling tournament, with lower seeds winning frequently. This was actually what we expected when the seedings were announced, as they were based on past successes of teams in each league rather than the leagues’ present states. Leagues were seeded first by the total number of world championships [either Intercontinental Cups or Club World Cups] won by clubs representing that league. The second criterion was the total number of continential championships, with the UEFA European Cup/Champions League and CONMEBOL Copa Libertadores counting the most, followed by the AFC Club Championship/Champions League, CAF Champions Cup/Champions League, and CONCACAF Champions Cup/Champions League counting the next most, and finally the OFC Club Championship/O League.

Fifty leagues around the world have had at least one continental champion, of which the Argentine, Brazilian, Italian, Spanish, Uruguayan, German, Dutch, English, Portuguese, Paraguayan, and Serbian leagues have had at least one world champion. [Red Star Belgrade won the Intercontinental Cup in 1991 as a member of the Yugoslav league; we have credited this title to the Serbian league, where they currently play.] The tournament included these fifty leagues, plus the fourteen remaining European leagues with the highest UEFA coefficients: the Russian, Ukrainian, Greek, Turkish, Belgian, Danish, Swiss, Austrian, Cypriot, Czech, Polish, Croatian, Belarusian, and Swedish leagues.

So, we offer our sincere congratulations to the champion, the English Premier League, and we thank all participating leagues and all host venues. We especially offer our gratitude to all the volunteers who pitched in and made this tournament the massive success that it was. No doubt you are looking forward to our next Global Football League Cup as much as we are.

ESTADIO MONUMENTAL REGIONAL

CAMP NOU SECTIONAL

01. Argentine Primera División

13. Australian A League

01. Argentine Primera División

02. English Premier League

01. Argentine Primera División

16. Swedish Allsvenskan

01. Argentine Primera División

08. Israeli Premier League

09. Salvadorian Primera División

04. Chilean Primera División

13. Australian A League

05. Ecuadorian Serie A

12. New Zealand Football Championship

INTERNATIONAL STADIUM YOKOHAMA SECTIONAL

02. English Premier League

03. Portuguese Primeira Liga

02. English Premier League

15. Swiss Super League

02. English Premier League

07. Japanese J1 League

10. Guatemalan Liga Nacional

03. Portuguese Primeira Liga

14. Danish Superliga

03. Portuguese Primeira Liga

06. Cameroonian Elite 1

11. Ligue Haitienne

ESTADIO SANTIAGO BERNABÉU REGIONAL

STADE DE FRANCE SECTIONAL

01. Spanish Primera División

04. French Ligue 1

01. Spanish Primera División

02. Uruguayan Primera División

01. Spanish Primera División

16. Polish Ekstraklasa

01. Spanish Primera División

09. Côte d’Ivoire Premier Division

08. Ghana Premier League

09. Côte d’Ivoire Premier Division

04. French Ligue 1

13. Ukrainian Premier League

04. French Ligue 1

05. Korea Rep K League Classic

12. Congo Premier League

ESTADIO CENTENARIO SECTIONAL

02. Uruguayan Primera División

14. Superleague Greece

02. Uruguayan Primera División

15. Czech 1 Liga

02. Uruguayan Primera División

10. Honduran Liga Nacional

07. Saudi Professional League

10. Honduran Liga Nacional

03. Colombian Primera A

14. Superleague Greece

06. Costa Rican Primera División

11. South African Premier Soccer League

ESTÁDIO DO MARACANÃ REGIONAL

ESTADIO AZTECA SECTIONAL

01. Brazilian Campeonato

05. Mexican Liga MX

01. Brazilian Campeonato

02. Dutch Eredivisie

01. Brazilian Campeonato

16. Belarusian Premier League

01. Brazilian Campeonato

09. USA/CAN Major League Soccer

08. Iran Pro League

09. USA/CAN Major League Soccer

04. Romanian Liga 1

13. PNG National Soccer League

04. Romanian Liga 1

05. Mexican Liga MX

12. UAE Pro League

OLD TRAFFORD SECTIONAL

02. Dutch Eredivisie

03. Paraguayan Primera División

02. Dutch Eredivisie

15. Austrian Bundesliga

02. Dutch Eredivisie

07. Tunisian Ligue Professionelle 1

10. Thai Premier League

03. Paraguayan Primera División

14. Belgian Pro League

03. Paraguayan Primera División

06. Moroccan Botola Pro

11. Surinamese Hoofdklasse

SAN SIRO REGIONAL

SOCCER CITY STADIUM SECTIONAL

01. Italian Serie A

13. Russian Premier League

01. Italian Serie A

02. German Bundesliga

01. Italian Serie A

16. Croatian Prva Liga

01. Italian Serie A

09. Nigeria Premier League

08. Guinean Championnat National

09. Nigeria Premier League

04. Scottish Premier League

13. Russian Premier League

12. Chinese Super League

05. Egyptian Premier League

12. Chinese Super League

ALLIANZ ARENA SECTIONAL

02. German Bundesliga

14. Turkish Süper Lig

02. German Bundesliga

15. Cypriot First Division

02. German Bundesliga

10. Qatar Stars League

07. Algerian Ligue Professionelle 1

10. Qatar Stars League

03. Serbian Superliga

14. Turkish Süper Lig

06. Congo DR Linafoot

11. Trinidadian TT Pro League

WEMBLEY STADIUM FINAL ROUNDS

02. English Premier League

01. Spanish Primera División

02. English Premier League

01. Italian Serie A

01. Brazilian Campeonato

01. Italian Serie A

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