The GoobNet SPEED explores health insurance on West Egg

Rich: So today we’re talking about The Great Gatsby.

Jhonny: The book or the film?

Rich: Both. For instance: why is this film being made now?

Gaby: Wait. Have any of us actually seen the film?

Wen: No.

Nina: Not me.

Jhonny: Nope.

Gaby: So are we actually qualified to talk about it?

Nina: It’s never stopped us before.

Gaby: This is true.

Rich: All right. So the book is about a nouveau riche dude who tries to impress all the old rich guys, but he ends up being unable to escape his past. Is this story still relevant today, and if so, how?

Jhonny: Dude, what the fuck? Are you giving us essay questions now?

Gaby: I know. You got something for us to compare and contrast too?

Nina: “Is there a modern day Jay Gatsby? Discuss.”

Gaby: Seems like every essay question always said discuss. You know?

Nina: That’s just what they said when they wanted to ask for specifics but couldn’t think of anything specific to ask for.

Wen: Yes, there is a modern day Jay Gatsby.

Rich: Really? Who is it?

Wen: It’s Reg Goober.

Nina: [giggling] Omigod, you are so right!

Jhonny: Well played, Wen.

Nina: Does he still have those parties?

Rich: What, the Halloween parties?

Nina: No, not those. No, he used to have those other parties.

Wen: I think I heard about them.

Nina: You think? Wait. I thought that’s why you said he was a modern day Gatsby.

Wen: Well, I was just thinking about the way he throws his money around. But I guess I could have been thinking about those parties too.

Rich: How come we never got to go to them?

Wen: Because Reg doesn’t give a shit about us.

Jhonny: Well, that’s definitely true. What about Mark Cuban?

Rich: What about him?

Jhonny: Wouldn’t he be a modern day Gatsby as well?

Rich: How?

Jhonny: Well, he became an instant billionaire, and he’s spent all his time since then trying to gain acceptance in the old boys’ club that is NBA owners.

Rich: Yeah, I could kinda see that. So they’ve done another film version of The Great Gatsby, and this one appears to be the most extravagant yet. So everything old is new again, apparently.

Gaby: Speaking of old things being new, did you hear that 20th Century Fox is finally changing its name to 21st Century Fox?

Wen: What, really?

Gaby: Yeah. Because it’s spinning off from News Corp.

Jhonny: That’s weird. It took them this long to realise what century this is?

Rich: That’s kind of interesting.

Wen: Found it.

Jhonny: Let’s see.

Wen: Okay, so 20th Century Fox is keeping its name. But the parent company... well, the newspaper businesses are forming a new News Corp, and then everything else is staying behind in the old News Corp, which is changing its name to 21st Century Fox.

Gaby: Wait, hang on. So 20th Century Fox is going to be a subsidiary of 21st Century Fox?

Nina: In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves... whoa.

Gaby: That’s one word.

Jhonny: Wait. Is that their new logo?

Wen: Looks like it.

Gaby: Well, it’s minimalist, that’s for sure.

Rich: All right. If we can get back to The Great Gatsby.

Jhonny: We already talked about it.

Rich: Well, there was more I was hoping to talk about.

Jhonny: Like what?

Rich: Like, is it still relevant today?

Wen: Rich, are you a fucking idiot, or what? It’s about a wealthy dude who is completely unable to relate to the rest of society, only he has no idea of that fact, and he spends all his time trying to fit in. That’s, like, every single rich person today.

Nina: Like Mitt Romney.

Wen: Yes! Thank you! Like Mitt Romney! You remember that line in The Great Gatsby? “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me.” That motherfucker was writing about Mitt Romney ninety years early!

Rich: So Mitt Romney is the modern day Jay Gatsby?

Wen: No. No! Dude, fucking pay attention! Mitt Romney is similar to Jay Gatsby only in that he is rich, and he is out of touch with everyone else. That’s all.

Gaby: Also, he wants something he can’t have.

Wen: What?

Gaby: He wants Daisy.

Wen: No, Mitt Romney. What does he want that he can’t have?

Gaby: The presidency.

Jhonny: He didn’t really want to run, did he? He just ran because the Republicans wanted him to.

Gaby: What, twice?

Jhonny: Well, he said that about the 2012 campaign.

Wen: Well, regardless, rich people today do not have the same set of issues and concerns that the rest of the country has. Like all the talk about health care. Rich people don’t want the government to be involved in providing health care because they already have insurance. They don’t want their tax money to pay for other people’s insurance. Even though it actually costs them more in the long run when their tax money pays for uninsured people going to the emergency room for an illness that should have been treated a long time ago at a routine visit to the doctor’s office that they can’t make because they don’t have insurance. So they have to do something that makes them seem like they’re not out of touch. And they do that by setting the narrative on health care. Like all that shit about a “government takeover” of health care. For one thing, the law a couple of years ago just imposed some new rules, that’s all. No government takeover of any kind in there. And besides that, if it really was a government takeover of health care, what would be so terrible about that? Like the private insurers have done such a great fucking job. Everywhere you look, it’s like, “Yeah, we’re not covering that. You’re on your own for that shit.” And it’s like, “Well, fuck you. Why the fuck did I get insurance then?” And why are the insurance companies like that? Because they’re run by rich fuckers who can’t fucking relate to the rest of us. So instead of getting their shit together and running their business the way it should be run, they just form special interest groups and pay the Republican candidates to talk shit about health care reform and make up lies about how it would be worse, even though they really mean that it would just be worse for them but better for everybody else.

Nina: Yeah, that’s pretty much true. That’s the problem with private insurance. You’re at their whims as to whether or not they cover your health problem.

Jhonny: Yeah, and all they do is try to come up with excuses for why they shouldn’t.

Nina: And that’s exactly the point of the reform law. To prevent them from refusing coverage because it’s a “preexisting condition”.

Jhonny: Yeah. If you have a preexisting condition, that’s exactly why you need insurance.

Wen: So, yeah, Rich. It’s been ninety years since The Great Gatsby came out, and in that time, rich people have not stopped being arrogant assholes who take pleasure in fucking over the rest of us. Therefore, The Great Gatsby is still relevant.

Gaby: Yeah, but Gatsby wasn’t like that. He didn’t take pleasure in fucking over everyone else.

Wen: He took pleasure in fucking Daisy when she was somebody else’s wife.

Nina: Yeah. He didn’t care that she was married to Tom. He wanted her, and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way.

Gaby: Yeah, I guess that’s true.

Rich: All right. Well, I guess we’ve successfully shown how Jay Gatsby relates to Obamacare.

Wen: So can we go home now?

Rich: I suppose so.

Wen: Good. I wanna go see that movie now.

Jhonny: Yeah, it looks awesome.

Gaby: Hey Rich, see if you can get yourself an invitation to one of Reg’s parties.

Wen: Yeah, Nick. Go to his party, and then register your disgust at his overindulgent lifestyle.

Gaby: The Great Goober.