WEEKLY WHINE

US government existence still a thing

Last week, the US government shutdown ended with Congress passing a continuing resolution to fund major federal agencies at the same rates.

Members of Congress then spent the weekend either acting as though this was an accomplishment [“Yaaay! We agreed to continue spending money in exactly the same way!”] or acting as though this was a disaster [“Boooo! We capitulated and agreed to continue spending money in exactly the same way!”].

So, with the economic crisis solved, the US Congress can now proceed with other important matters, like immigration reform and Syrian chemical weapons disposal.

What’s that? The continuing resolution expires early next year? And so does the debt ceiling?

Oh, fuck you, Congress.

And it’s not just us saying that. According to a recent poll, Congress’s ratings are: 13% approval, 61% disapproval, and 26% approval of a resolution encouraging members of Congress to go fuck themselves.

Of course, as the next crises plague the US government, we here at the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network will continue to bring live programming to your television using satellites. Our US politics desk is currently covering these continuing stories.

US SHUTDOWN CRISIS ENDS
Nation rejoices in legislators’ success in fulfilling least of obligations

IMPLICATIONS OF BUDGET DEAL
Less than three months until next artificial crisis!

HEALTH INSURANCE EXCHANGE ENABLED
Premiums fall for some, rise for some; others still trying to log in

WHO WON CRISIS?
“Nobody, because not everything is a zero sum game” is correct, but fails to get ratings

CONGRESS REBUILDS IMAGE
First step: “Ted, maybe sit out a few plays?”

REP TOM FOLEY: 1929-2013
Lawmakers pause to remember man who did stuff

MODERATE REPUBLICANS HELP AVERT CRISIS
Speaker Boehner stops listening to tea party, starts doing stuff

IMMIGRATION REFORM
Congress looks forward to failing to agree on something else