WEEKLY WHINE
Hello, Scottish football. How have you been? What’s happened since we saw you last?
Wait, Rangers did what? And the new club had to go to the fourth division? Well, they just won their way right back up, didn’t they? Wait, who’s in charge? And he’s been convicted for tax evasion? Is he even eligible to head up a football club? Oh. Well, that explains it. How do the supporters feel about all this? Oh, we bet. Calling for heads to roll, we’re sure.
So what about the rest of the Scottish Football League? Wait, it doesn’t even exist any more? Merged? Why? For a title sponsor? Whom did they get? Really? Nobody? Not until this year? Good job, Scottish football. Way to go.
Anyway, when we last checked in with you, Scottish football, the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] gave you recommendations on the kits of the clubs that were then in the Scottish Football League. Most of those clubs are still around, so let’s now examine the current kits of the clubs in the second through fourth divisions and see whether our recommendations were incorporated. You may compare these clubs’ kits to their previous incarnations at Historical Football Kits.
The Wasps have eradicated the yellow diagonal arcs on their second kit, but they have been replaced by different yellow diagonal arcs. As for the first kit: those hoops are awfully narrow, aren’t they?
Dumbarton are going through one of their periodic white phases, when their gold and black kit is demoted to secondary status. They should stick with this arrangement; Alloa and Livingston already have gold and black first kits.
Falkirk were in the Premier League in 2009-10, and so we did not review their kits then. Their kits are largely unchanged since then, though, with the exception that the light blue second kit is gone, and the white and red is now the second kit. The navy blue first jersey has accents in a quite pleasing gold.
The Ton’s kits have had a bit of a downgrade in the last few years, as they have gone to the exceedingly narrow hoops that are currently in fashion at clubs such as QPR and Alloa. The second kit looks like a photographic negative of a checkerboard, splattered with yellow paint.
Last year’s first jersey was solid green, in tribute to their Famous Five front line of the early 1950s. This year, Hibs have returned to their current custom of white sleeves on the green jersey. The change kit is an adventure in purple.
Livingston are back in the second division with a well crafted pair of kits, including one that randomly pays tribute to Argentina.
Queens heard us request an all white kit, and they have obliged. It is now the third kit, falling in line behind all blue and all black ensembles.
Raith have spent a few years in white but are now back in their familiar navy blue. Rather amusingly, the sponsor logo is the website of author Val McDermid, who also serves on the board of directors. The second kit, introduced last season, is a World War I tribute.
Ah, there you are, Rangers. That’s a good first kit, but it all goes wrong after that. The purple and black third kit makes the brain hurt.
The Buddies were relegated from the Premier League at the end of last season and promptly ditched their absurd kits. They now appear with a more reasonable stripe width. The red second kit, with fine white and black stripes down the middle, is also quite attractive.
We last knew this club as Airdrie United; since then they have returned to their original name. They have also attempted to revive the old Airdrieonians club crest, but this was deemed an illegal heraldic device [which sounds like a penalty that an American football referee would call, if it was played during the Hundred Years War]. They have also listened to us and gone back to white shorts.
The Wee Rovers’ experiment with red and black has mercifully come to an end. We will therefore permit them to wear those black second kits.
The Honest Men are back in a normal first kit. The purple and white second kit is quite ridiculous.
Brechin’s first kit includes a red jersey with a white stripe. It looks like a horizontal stripe, but for some reason it is turned up at the ends. We recommend that they put a stop to this right away. The khaki and blue change strip, on the other hand, is very pleasing.
Cowden have some rather unattractive kits this year. We see where they’re going with that second kit, but the execution is quite appalling. We would like to see them pay tribute to their original kits by wearing white with red and blue stripes, in the style of Dutch club Willem II.
Dunfermline have gone and disappointed us by swapping out the penstripes with black and white stripes. For some reason, we like the away kit, in a sort of tropical indigo.
Forfar were Sporting Kansas City before Sporting Kansas City were Sporting Kansas City. We like the current selections, but we would prefer to see an all white second kit.
Peterhead are going with blue and white, but in a bizarre combination: the first kit is composed of blue shirt and shorts with white socks, and the second kit includes a white shirt with blue shorts and socks. Just be normal and go with all blue and all white, will you? Thanks.
Stenny’s maroon kit, which we liked last time, has been ruined by the addition of sky blue. The second kit is another random Argentina tribute.
We like these kits well enough, except for the absurdly large manufacturer’s logos on the sleeves and shorts.
The Galabankies have dropped the black stripes in favour of a simple gold jersey. If so many Scottish clubs are going to insist upon using the same colours of black and gold, let’s at least follow Annan’s example and wear some different styles.
We were disappointed to see that Arbroath did not reintroduce the sash that we wanted.
Berwick are now the only remaining club in League Two wearing black and gold stripes. They have therefore earned the right to keep them.
Clyde have a rare thing in European football: three kits that are all in club colours. Please keep this forever, Bully Wee. Thanks.
The Fife look rather silly when their gold jerseys are paired with white shorts. However, they cannot change to black shorts, as that is now Annan’s style. East Fife, from now on, you must wear all gold.
The Shire return to black and white hoops, but that totally belongs to Queen’s Park. Therefore, they must revert to the simplicity of their three kits from last time, each in a solid colour.
Those stripes are awfully narrow, aren’t they? St Mirren and Dunfermline wear black and white stripes better than that.
For some reason, the kit combination of all blue first and all red second has fallen out of favour in the Scottish leagues, with Montrose its only remaining practitioner. Though we prefer a white second kit in this scenario, we’ll let Montrose keep this approach.
The Spiders are an anachronism: Scotland’s oldest club, still amateur, in kits largely unchanged for more than a century, owners of national stadium Hampden Park. So, as long as they keep those stripes on the first kit, they can do whatever they like to the second kit. What they currently like is a quite attractive red kit with dark blue trim.
Now relegated to the fourth division, Stirling have moved from white shorts to red, thereby ruining the classic appearance from the 1960s. Back to all red, please.
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