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WEEKLY WHINE

Selected scenes from Frozen 2: Coming to Weselton

There now follow a few scenes from our treatment for the sequel to the Disney film Frozen, which we are calling Frozen 2: Coming to Weselton. We are hard at work on the climactic scene, so join us again next week.


[INT: Kitchen of Mr Maakal’s restaurant. Mr Maakal is talking to Elsa and Olaf.]

Mr Maakal: So, no work experience at all?

Olaf: Well, Elsa has ruled over all of –

[Elsa elbows Olaf.]

Elsa: Ruled over all of my kitchen! Yes! I have extensive experience ruling over my kitchen! Surveying all that I see, from the oven to the... um...

[Elsa looks around and sees a broom.]

Elsa: Wooden pole! With bristles on the end! Ah, I see you have one of those too! Clearly you are just as keen on a well stocked kitchen as I am, Mr Maakal! My congratulations to you!

Mr Maakal: Mm-hmm. Well, we could use some extra help on weekends. I’m sure you two will –

[Leroy slips on a puddle behind Olaf.]

Elsa: Leroy, are you all right?

[Elsa helps Leroy up.]

Elsa: Leroy, right? It is Leroy, isn’t it? [laughs nervously] I’m sorry about that! I’ll clean that right up for you, Mr Maakal! Don’t you worry! After all, what are those bristles for? [to Olaf; whispering] Seriously, what are those bristles for?

[Olaf shrugs.]

Mr Maakal: Where did that water come from?

[Mr Maakal notices the cloud above Olaf.]

Mr Maakal: Is that snow?

Olaf: That’s my own personal flurry.

Mr Maakal: Oh. Well, as I was saying, I’m sure you two will get the hang of things. Just turn off that snow, and you can start.

Olaf: But I’d melt!

Elsa: That’s... well, that is true, sir. He technically does need that to survive. Especially in a kitchen.

Mr Maakal: I’m sorry, but I can’t hire someone who tracks snow behind him everywhere he goes. It’s a liability. Think of the customers. [to Elsa] But you can start immediately, right?

Elsa: I’m sorry, Mr Maakal. He’s my closest friend. If you want to hire me, you’ll have to hire him too.

[Mr Maakal glares at Olaf. Olaf and Elsa glance nervously at one another.]

[Cut to: EXT: Back door of restaurant. Olaf and Elsa are ejected.]

Olaf: Aaah!

[Olaf and Elsa land heavily on the cobblestone street. Olaf’s head bounces away. The back door slams.]

Elsa: [shaking fist] That’s discrimination! You can’t refuse to hire my friend just because he’s a snowman-Arendellian!

[Elsa gets up and retrieves Olaf’s head.]

Elsa: Sorry about that.

[They reattach his head.]

Olaf: That’s all right. We’ll find someplace else.

Elsa: Yeah. It’s too bad. That was a really nice kitchen. Did you see how many bristles were on the end of that wooden pole?


[EXT: Behind the ice cream shop, shortly after dusk. Elsa is lying on top of one of the crates. Enter Melina.]

Melina: Elsa! There you are!

[Melina sits on the crate next to her.]

Melina: What are you doing on top of there? Aren’t you getting cold?

Elsa: It was either this or a full body ice pack. And I’m not going to make myself one of those.

Melina: Hey, listen. I was thinking about Leroy. I thought, you know, we could go over to Heyerdaal’s while Sara’s working there, and just, you know, pretend to be Leroy’s old girlfriends, and talk real loud about how he’s untrustworthy, and messy, and lazy, and then she’ll “overhear” us, and then she’ll say to herself, “Wow, this guy is a total jerk”, and then she’ll go and –

Elsa: [lifts head slightly] Um... Melina? I don’t... I don’t think I’m really up for that any more.

Melina: Not up for it? Don’t you want to...

[Melina looks down at Elsa.]

Melina: Are you okay?

Elsa: Yeah. Just sore.

Melina: Where are you sore?

Elsa: [motioning with her head] Down there.

Melina: Where?

Elsa: My body.

Melina: Which part of your body?

Elsa: All of them. All the parts.

Melina: C’mon, lazy, get up.

[Melina helps Elsa to her feet.]

Elsa: Ugh.

[Elsa sits on the ground.]

Melina: Wait. Is that because of...

Elsa: [puts hands on her back] Owwww.

Melina: [gasps] How hard did Belinda hit you?

Elsa: Not that hard. I mean, my arms are still attached.

Melina: Oh no. Elsa...

[Melina sits behind Elsa and massages her back.]

Melina: Elsa, I’m sorry. I didn’t think she hit you that hard. I told her to go easy on you.

Elsa: Good thing she did, then. I’d hate to play a real game against her.

Melina: I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. Checking? Your first time? I’m so stupid.

Elsa: No, you’re not. I still had a really good time with you. [looks over her shoulder at Melina; smiles faintly] Despite the... um...

Melina: [guiltily] Savage mauling?

Elsa: I was gonna say “lesson in pain management”.

Melina: [giggles] It didn’t knock that sense of humour out of you, at least. You really had a good time?

Elsa: Yes, I did.

Melina: Good.

[Melina hugs Elsa, then sits in front of her.]

Melina: We’ll go to Heyerdaal’s some other time.

Elsa: Um... about that. I don’t think... I don’t think that’s necessary any more.

Melina: Not necessary? What are you talking about?

Elsa: I don’t think I... [brushes hair aside] I don’t think I feel that way. About Leroy. Any more. You know?

Melina: You don’t? How come? [brightens] Is it another guy? I know! It’s Erik! Right? It’s him, isn’t it?

Elsa: What? No. No, it’s... look. Have you... have you ever been close to someone?

Melina: Close? Like, how close?

Elsa: Really close.

[Elsa leans toward Melina.]

Elsa: [lowers voice] So close that you can see... everything about them. So close that you can see who they are.

[Elsa leans closer. Melina does the same.]

Elsa: [whispering] So close that you can see who you are. So close... that you can...

[Elsa closes her eyes, leans closer.]

Melina: Oh no!

[Melina jumps up. Elsa loses her balance and faceplants against a crate.]

Melina: I forgot about Gertie! I was supposed to help her pick up those supplies from Anders!

[Melina starts to run away, but then hurries back to Elsa.]

Melina: I’m so excited! I have to go, but I’m so excited for you! Tell me all about him when I come back, okay?

[Melina hugs Elsa, then exits. Elsa sits up straight.]

Elsa: [whispering to herself] So close.


[INT: Outside Elsa and Olaf’s apartment. Enter Anna and Inga. Anna stands opposite the door and nods. Inga knocks on door. Pause, then Olaf opens door.]

Olaf: [upon recognising Anna; panicked shriek] Aaaaah!

[Olaf slams door. Anna and Inga glance at one another. Pause, then Olaf opens door again.]

Olaf: [cheerily] Your Highness! What are you doing here?

Anna: Where is Elsa?

Olaf: She’s not here. [pause] She’s gone quite mad, Your Highness. She is working in a shop. She’s spending all her time with a hockey player. And look! She has me wearing clothes! I had no idea how uncomfortable these things are! How do you stand it?

Anna: They do look rather ridiculous on you.

Olaf: Thank you, Your Highness! That’s exactly what I’ve been saying to her! But she won’t listen! She won’t listen to reason any more! Oh, I do hope you can talk some sense into her, Your Highness!

Anna: Yes, I received your message. Who is this person she’s spending her time with?

Olaf: You mean the hockey player?

Anna: Hockey?

Olaf: It’s a team sport. You skate around on ice and try to hit a puck into –

Anna: I know what it is. Has she played?

Olaf: Elsa? She played once. A couple of weeks ago.

Anna: Was she injured?

Olaf: Yes, rather severely. She could barely move for a day afterward.

Anna: [to Inga] It is more serious than I thought. We will find her and take her home at once. [to Olaf] You will come with us, Olaf. You will direct us to the home of this... [disgusted] hockey player.

[Anna turns and walks away. Inga follows.]

Olaf: She’s actually very nice. [calling down the hallway] She makes a delightful chocolate milkshake!

[Olaf hurries after Anna and Inga.]


[INT: Melina’s apartment. There are gifts – jewelry, flowers, and toy animals – on every available horizontal surface. Enter Melina and Elsa.]

Melina: Look, what’s going on? Why did we have to leave the restaurant? And why couldn’t we go back to your place? I’d love to see your place.

Elsa: No, no, no. My place is... infested.

[Elsa steps away, facing the corner of the room.]

Melina: Infested?

Elsa: Oh, yeah. Totally. It’s absolutely crawling with unwelcome guests. It’s much better here.

Melina: [looking at gifts] This place is kind of infested too.

[Elsa whirls around, eyes darting around the room.]

Elsa: Infested with what? What do you mean?

Melina: [giggles] Elsa... calm down. I’m just talking about all these.

[Melina waves her hand at the gifts. Elsa relaxes.]

Elsa: Oh. [unsure] You mean... you don’t like them?

Melina: No, I like them. I just... wish I knew who keeps sending me all this stuff.

Elsa: [looks around] Well... it’s obviously someone who thinks very highly of you.

Melina: But who’s that? When have I ever made an impression on anyone?

Elsa: Well...

Melina: Oh, it doesn’t matter. Come here. Have a seat.

[Melina pushes a jewelry box and a toy dog out of the way, then sits on the couch. She reclines back.]

Melina: It’s just you and me now.

[Elsa sits next to Melina, her back rigid.]

Elsa: Just you and me.

Melina: Yes.

Elsa: Just me and you.

Melina: [giggles] Yes, silly.

[Elsa relaxes, slightly, and slides closer to Melina.]

Elsa: Good. Are you... are you comfortable?

Melina: Yes, of course I am.

Elsa: Good.

Melina: Are you?

Elsa: Am I what?

Melina: [giggles again] Comfortable.

Elsa: Yes, yes, of course I am.

Melina: Good.

Elsa: No. No, I’m not. I’m not comfortable. I’m... um... um...

Melina: Uncomfortable?

Elsa: Yes! That! That’s what I am!

Melina: That’s what I thought. You’ve been acting strange all of a sudden.

Elsa: We all act strange. We’re all strange. We all act. All the world’s a stage. Someone said that, I think. [fidgets] I mean, I know I just said it. But somebody said it before me. I’m just repeating it.

Melina: Elsa!

Elsa: What?

Melina: [concerned] What is it? What’s making you uncomfortable?

[Melina sits up and takes Elsa’s hands.]

Melina: You can tell me. Maybe I can help.

Elsa: Maybe. You see... I... you know how you and I are friends?

Melina: Yeah?

Elsa: Like... close friends?

Melina: Yeah?

Elsa: Well... I think maybe I... want us to be... you know... more.

Melina: [baffled] More what?

Elsa: I think... Melina... I think I would like it if... you and I...

[Melina shakes her head, shrugs her shoulders.]

Elsa: I think I’m in love with you!

[Melina, dumbfounded, stares at Elsa.]

Elsa: [exhales] Wow. It is such a relief to be able to say that. I didn’t know what it would feel like to say that. I’ve been trying to tell you. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t... you know... find the words. But I think I’ve found them now. Because... Melina... I love every minute with you. I dread every minute away from you. I burn for you. I ache for you. I’ve never known anyone like you. I’ve never felt like this. And I don’t want it to stop. I want to be with you all the time. I want to be the one you’re pleased to see in the morning. And I want...

[Melina continues to stare. Elsa finally notices that Melina has not reacted.]

Elsa: ...for you to say something.

[Melina continues to stare. Pause, long and awkward.]

Elsa: M...Melina?

[The door bursts open. Enter Anna, with Inga in the doorway behind her. Elsa stands.]

Elsa: What are you doing here?

Anna: I could ask you the same.

[Melina stands.]

Melina: Who are you?

Elsa: How did you find us? [sees the tiara] And what are you wearing that for? That’s supposed to be for ceremonial purposes only.

Anna: Not any more. I’ve made a few changes since you left us. As to how we found you, Olaf directed us here. And I must say, whoever heard of a snowman wearing clothes?

Melina: Well, whoever heard of a snowman that’s alive?

Anna: [to Elsa] Who is this impertinent child?

Elsa: She’s not a child, she’s a grown woman! And she’s not impertinent! She’s... [lost for words] pertinent.

Melina: Look, I don’t care who you are! Get out of my apartment! My girlfriend and I are in the middle of something!

Elsa: Yeah! [to Melina] Wait, what?

Anna: [to Elsa] You’ve gone mad, clearly. You should perhaps explain to this... [glances at Melina] urchin who I am.

Elsa: [enraged] “Urchin”?!

Melina: Elsa... who is that?

Elsa: Umm... [coughs nervously] Melina, I’d like you to meet my sister, Anna.

[Anna folds her arms.]

Elsa: [glares at Anna, then continues] Princess Anna. Of Arendelle.

Melina: [astonished] S... sorry?

Anna: You should be.

Melina: [points to Anna] Princess? Of Arendelle? [points to Elsa] Then you’re...?

Elsa: [guiltily] You remember that one time you were talking about the queen of Arendelle? And you said it was a coincidence that I had the same name as her?

Melina: Elsa, could I ask you a question?

Elsa: Of course.

Melina: How stupid did you think I am?

Elsa: What... what do you mean? I never... I never thought that.

[Melina advances on Elsa, who backs away.]

Melina: No, of course not. You just thought it would be funny to get a commoner to fall in love with you. And then you’d go, “Oh by the way, I’m royalty and you’re beneath me. Gotcha!”

Elsa: That’s not true!

Melina: [tears forming] Then what? What were you trying to do?

Elsa: I was trying to find my true love!

Melina: Find your true love.

Elsa: Yes!

Melina: By lying.

Elsa: Yes! Wait, no! Look... I... I just wanted you to get to know the real me.

Melina: I... I don’t even know who that is any more.

Elsa: It’s the one who cheers you on at your hockey games. The one who helps you reach for that last scoop at the bottom of the container. The one who makes you laugh during the day. The one who keeps you warm at night.

[Elsa takes Melina’s hands.]

Elsa: Look... Melina... it’s just a title. It doesn’t change who I am. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. Does it... does it really change how you feel about me?

Melina: Elsa... or should I call you “Your Majesty”?

Elsa: Elsa. I’m Elsa. I’ll always be Elsa.

[Melina shoves Elsa out the door.]

Melina: Then get out, Elsa! I don’t ever want to see you again!

Elsa: What?! Melina, wait!

[Anna pushes Elsa down the hallway, Elsa struggling all the way. Inga follows them.]

Anna: [over her shoulder] My apologies for any disturbance caused by my sister. You may rest assured that she will receive proper treatment.

[Melina picks up a few of the gifts and throws them down the hallway toward Elsa.]

Melina: And you can have these back, too! Now that I finally know who they’re from!

Elsa: [crying out] Melina!

[Melina slams her apartment door, then sits against it, sobbing.]

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