WEEKLY WHINE

Food and taxes

Apple has been ordered to pay €13,000,000,000 in back taxes to the Republic of Ireland. In response, Austrian chancellor Christian Kern has said that large firms like Starbucks pay less in taxes than do sausage stands.

This, naturally, has led to a lot of people paying attention to the “sausage stand” portion of the quote and not the “multinational corporation” portion.

Latinos for Trump founder Marco Gutierrez has said that Mexican culture is dominating the United States and that taco trucks will sweep the nation.

This, naturally, has led to a lot of people paying attention to the “taco truck” portion of the quote and not the “very dominant culture” portion.

There is only one conclusion to be drawn from these stories: People are hungry.

And not hungry for change or hungry for America to be made great again. They are hungry for food.

We know that because many of you hungry people wrote in to the GoobNet Mailbox and asked us about food. Your questions may have had a little bit of politics in there, but we know what you really wanted to know about. So place your order, and wait for your number to be called at the GoobNet Mailbox. But please, for your own sake, pay attention to the warning on the coffee cups. Remember what happened to Christopher O’Neill, husband of Princess Madeleine of Sweden? That shit took months to clean up.

How much do taco trucks pay in taxes?

– Bryan Collantonio
Standing Park, NJ, USA

And now, let’s go over to Rich for the joke:

That depends upon the outcome of the US presidential election. Hillary Clinton will cut taxes on taco trucks, at least the ones who donated to the Clinton Foundation. Donald Trump will cut taxes on everything, but mostly on his own businesses. After all, he makes the best taco trucks. Ask anyone. – Rich

When will Austria have a sausage stand on every corner?

– Andrea Waller
Salzburg, Austria

And now, let’s go over to Edvard for the joke:

As soon as the Sausage Party wins a majority in the Federal Council. – Edvard

Wait, is there actually a Sausage Party?

– Linnea Falburg
Linz, Austria

And now, let’s go over to Wen for the joke:

Yes. Just Google it. – Wen

Did you know that sausages can rupture or explode whilst cooking? That’s why we call them bangers here in the UK.

– Michelle Baker-Cabbalge
Redruth, England, UK

And now, let’s go over to Debbie for the joke:

I don’t actually have a joke. I just wanted to point out that I didn’t know that. I’ve been calling them bangers for my entire life, but I never knew where the name came from. – Debbie

Hi. I just wanted to point out that eight years ago, I warned America that if Barack Hussein Obama was elected, we would have death panels on every corner. You’re welcome, America.

– Brent Masterson
Tuscaloosa, AL, USA

And now, let’s go over to Gaby for the joke:

My death panel told me that I can’t die yet. I still have nine more payments left on my automobile. – Gaby

I too dream of an America with taco trucks on every corner. But then I wake up, throw away the wrappers, and go to work.

– Sandra Klaagmiller
Sacramento, CA, USA

And now, let’s go over to Jhonny for the joke:

Stop stealing my dreams! – Jhonny

I put in a request for a taco truck on my corner, but I have not yet received a response.

– Josefina Díaz de Lado
Irvine, CA, USA

And now, let’s go over to Timoteo the Taco Truck for the joke:

Hi. I’m Timoteo the Taco Truck. Thank you for your call. All of our taco trucks are currently assisting other county fairs or sporting events. Please stay on the line, and your corner will be trucked in the order it was received. – Timoteo the Taco Truck

You don’t need to put in a request for a taco truck. They are trucks. Just steal one and drive it to your corner.

– Wallace Jackson
Kansas City, MO, USA

And now, let’s go over to Amber Lynn for the joke:

What? That’s terrible advice! Think about what you are encouraging people to do!

After all, who’s going to make the tacos? – Amber Lynn