WEEKLY WHINE

Create the W

There now follows a ranking of the top inventions that were invented since the Chicago Cubs’ previous World Series title in 1908.

1. Saturn V: As we have repeatedly reminded you, the Apollo 11 mission was the most important thing that happened ever in the history of things happening. And it was the Saturn V launch vehicle, first liftoff in 1968, that made it all possible.
2. General relativity: This was more of a discovery, rather than an invention. Regardless, general relativity makes it possible to know your precise location and your precise time, both of which are essential skills needed to land on other planets.
3. Integrated circuit: Exists in most of the other things on this list.
4. The Internet: The Internet has caused a total reality collapse in recent years. Indeed, reality has collapsed so much that since the Internet’s popularisation in 1994, the Angels, Red Sox, White Sox, Giants, and Cubs have all won World Serieses.
5. Television: Made it possible for people around the world to obtain visual proof that the Cubs did in fact win the World Series.
6. Doctor Who: Again, this was more of a creation, rather than an invention. Still, you cannot seriously claim that you would rather live in a world in which the Cubs won 107 World Serieses between 1909 and 2015 rather than zero, but in which Peter Capaldi did not say, “How many hearts will be broken? How many lives shattered? How much blood will spill until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning, which is SIT! DOWN! and TALK!”?
7. Cell phone telephone: Made it possible for videos like this to exist.
8. Playoffs: In 1908, neither the National nor American Leagues had any concept of the postseason; the teams played a full regular season, and the first placed teams competed in the World Series. Tiebreaker playoffs were introduced in 1946, but it was not until 1969, when the NL and AL both split into divisions, that a regular playoff system to decide the league championships was introduced.
9. Floodlights: Made evening games possible.