WEEKLY WHINE
Fully prepared for the future
Our team of prognosticators forecast the results of several top European football leagues last week. They had such a good time arriving at these conclusions that they immediately begged us to find something else for them to forecast.
Accordingly, we here at GoobNet are pleased to present to you this prediction of the results of the upcoming National Hockey League season. If any of the divisions do not end up in this exact order at the end of the regular season, or if any playoff series does not complete within the exact number of games shown here, we will punish our team of prognosticators by sending them to sanitise Gary Bettman’s telephone.
We are fairly certain that we are going to have to do that. After all, look at that massive error they made. We should have rejected this prognostication and sent them back to the drawing board the instant we saw the Capitals’ name anywhere beyond the second round.
National Hockey League
Clubs: 31
Playoff participants: 16
| EASTERN CONFERENCE |
| METROPOLITAN |
|---|
| 1 | » | Washington Capitals |
| 2 | » | Pittsburgh Penguins |
| 3 | » | Carolina Hurricanes |
| 4 | » | New York Islanders |
| 5 | | New York Rangers |
| 6 | | Columbus Blue Jackets |
| 7 | | Philadelphia Flyers |
| 8 | | New Jersey Devils |
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| ATLANTIC |
|---|
| 1 | » | Tampa Bay Lightning |
| 2 | » | Montréal Canadiens |
| 3 | » | Ottawa Senators |
| 4 | » | Toronto Maple Leafs |
| 5 | | Boston Bruins |
| 6 | | Florida Panthers |
| 7 | | Detroit Red Wings |
| 8 | | Buffalo Sabres |
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| WESTERN CONFERENCE |
| PACIFIC |
|---|
| 1 | » | Anaheim Ducks |
| 2 | » | Edmonton Oilers |
| 3 | » | San Jose Sharks |
| 4 | | Calgary Flames |
| 5 | | Los Angeles Kings |
| 6 | | Vegas Golden Knights |
| 7 | | Vancouver Canucks |
| 8 | | Arizona Coyotes |
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| CENTRAL |
|---|
| 1 | » | Minnesota Wild |
| 2 | » | Chicago Blackhawks |
| 3 | » | Nashville Predators |
| 4 | » | Dallas Stars |
| 5 | » | St Louis Blues |
| 6 | | Winnipeg Jets |
| 7 | | Colorado Avalanche |
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| STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS |
| FIRST ROUND | SECOND ROUND | CONFERENCE FINALS | FINAL |
|---|
| + | Tampa Bay | 4 |
| | NY Islanders | 0 |
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