WEEKLY WHINE
The end of ambiguity
We here at GoobNet are pleased to present to you this prediction of the teams’ final positions in several European football leagues. Eight European nations were selected randomly for our team of prognosticators. If any of these leagues do not end up in this order at the end of the 2017-8 season, we will punish our team of prognosticators by making them represent GoobNet at the meetings to decide whether Barcelona and Espanyol will continue to play in the Spanish league system after Catalan independence. And if they think we’re going to equip them with helmets or flak jackets, they have another thing coming.
UPDATE: We are pleased to confirm that we will in fact equip our prognosticators with helmets. They are the finest helmets made out of pie crusts that money can buy. And when the meetings are done, we will provide the pie crust helmets to Let’s Make a Deal so that they may be upcycled as zonks.
| ¤ | Qualify for 2018-9 UEFA Champions League |
| • | Qualify for 2018-9 UEFA Europa League |
| ‹ | To relegation playoff |
| « | Relegated |
|
ARMENIA
Armenian Premier League
Clubs: 6
Champions League places: 1
Europa League places: 2
| PREMIER LEAGUE |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Gandzasar Kapan |
| 2 | • | Shirak |
| 3 | • | Alashkert |
| 4 | | Pyunik |
| 5 | | Banants |
| 6 | | Ararat Yerevan |
|
CROATIA
Croatian First Football League
Clubs: 10
Champions League places: 1
Europa League places: 2
Relegation playoff places: 1
Relegated clubs: 1
| FIRST LEAGUE |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Dinamo Zagreb |
| 2 | • | Hajduk Split |
| 3 | • | Osijek |
| 4 | | Rijeka |
| 5 | | Inter Zaprešić |
| 6 | | Rudeš |
| 7 | | Lokomotiva |
| 8 | | Slaven Belupo |
| 9 | « | Cibalia |
| 10 | × | Istra 1961 |
|
FRANCE
French Ligue 1
Clubs: 20
Champions League places: 3
Europa League places: 1
Relegation playoff places: 1
Relegated clubs: 2
| LIGUE 1 |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Paris Saint-Germain |
| 2 | ¤ | Saint-Étienne |
| 3 | ¤ | Monaco |
| 4 | • | Caen |
| 5 | | Olympique Lyonnais |
| 6 | | Girondins de Bordeaux |
| 7 | | Guingamp |
| 8 | | Olympique de Marseille |
| 9 | | Nantes |
| 10 | | Nice |
| 11 | | Montpellier |
| 12 | | Dijon |
| 13 | | Stade Rennais |
| 14 | | Angers |
| 15 | | Lille OSC |
| 16 | | Amiens |
| 17 | | Metz |
| 18 | « | Troyes |
| 19 | × | Toulouse |
| 20 | × | Strasbourg |
|
MONTENEGRO
Montenegrin First League
Clubs: 10
Champions League places: 1
Europa League places: 2
Relegation playoff places: 2
Relegated clubs: 1
| FIRST LEAGUE |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Sutjeska Nikšić |
| 2 | • | Budućnost Podgorica |
| 3 | • | Mladost Podgorica |
| 4 | | Kom |
| 5 | | Grbalj |
| 6 | | Dečić |
| 7 | | Zeta |
| 8 | « | Petrovac |
| 9 | « | Rudar Pljevlja |
| 10 | × | Iskra Danilovgrad |
|
NORWAY
Since Norwegian leagues play a summer season, shown here are the predicted final results for the 2017 season, currently about three quarters complete.
Norwegian Eliteserien
Clubs: 16
Champions League places: 1
Europa League places: 2
Relegation playoff places: 1
Relegated clubs: 2
| ELITESERIEN |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Rosenborg |
| 2 | • | Molde |
| 3 | • | Brann |
| 4 | | Sarpsborg 08 |
| 5 | | Odd |
| 6 | | Haugesund |
| 7 | | Lillestrøm |
| 8 | | Stabæk |
| 9 | | Sandefjord |
| 10 | | Strømsgodset |
| 11 | | Kristiansund |
| 12 | | Tromsø |
| 13 | | Aalesund |
| 14 | « | Vålerenga |
| 15 | × | Viking |
| 16 | × | Sogndal |
|
SPAIN
Spanish Primera División
Clubs: 20
Champions League places: 4
Europa League places: 2
Relegated clubs: 3
| PRIMERA DIVISIÓN |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Real Madrid |
| 2 | ¤ | Barcelona |
| 3 | ¤ | Valencia |
| 4 | ¤ | Sevilla |
| 5 | • | Athletic Bilbao |
| 6 | • | Atlético Madrid |
| 7 | | Villarreal |
| 8 | | Real Betis |
| 9 | | Levante |
| 10 | | Las Palmas |
| 11 | | Leganés |
| 12 | | Getafe |
| 13 | | Real Sociedad |
| 14 | | Celta de Vigo |
| 15 | | Málaga |
| 16 | | Deportivo La Coruña |
| 17 | | Eibar |
| 18 | × | Girona |
| 19 | × | Espanyol |
| 20 | × | Deportivo Alavés |
|
SWITZERLAND
Swiss Super League
Clubs: 10
Champions League places: 2
Europa League places: 2
Relegated clubs: 1
| SUPER LEAGUE |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Young Boys |
| 2 | ¤ | Basel |
| 3 | • | Thun |
| 4 | • | Luzern |
| 5 | | St Gallen |
| 6 | | Sion |
| 7 | | Grasshopper |
| 8 | | Zürich |
| 9 | | Lausanne-Sport |
| 10 | × | Lugano |
|
TURKEY
Turkish Süper Lig
Clubs: 18
Champions League places: 2
Europa League places: 2
Relegated clubs: 3
| SÜPER LİG |
|---|
| 1 | ¤ | Fenerbahçe |
| 2 | ¤ | Galatasaray |
| 3 | • | Beşiktaş |
| 4 | • | Kayserispor |
| 5 | | Bursaspor |
| 6 | | Göztepe |
| 7 | | Trabzonspor |
| 8 | | Akhisar Belediyespor |
| 9 | | Kasımpaşa |
| 10 | | İstanbul Başakşehir |
| 11 | | Yeni Malatyaspor |
| 12 | | Gençlerbirliği |
| 13 | | Konyaspor |
| 14 | | Kardemir Karabükspor |
| 15 | | Antalyaspor |
| 16 | × | Alanyaspor |
| 17 | × | Sivasspor |
| 18 | × | Osmanlıspor |
|
