WEEKLY WHINE

The existence of the Winter Olympics

As you know, the Winter Olympics are a bizarre hodgepodge of ludicrous sporting events, some of which have been taken over by millennials, some of which are ignored by millennials, and some of which are doing perfectly fine and have cross generational appeal.

So we thought that it was high time we examined the Winter Olympics from an ontological standpoint. Do the Winter Olympics exist? Do medals exist? Do sports exist? Do athletes exist? Does a live broadcast of the Winter Olympics exist in the United States?

Well, inside the GoobNet Mailbox, we currently have a selection of your ontological questions about the Winter Olympics. In a few moments, we will don our protective vines, open up the GoobNet Mailbox, and answer your questions about the Winter Olympics and their existence.

This, of course, assumes that your questions, the GoobNet Mailbox, our protective vines, and the Winter Olympics exist. Most of them probably do not, and even if they do, what could they possibly have in common, and how could they possibly relate to one another?

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Why do snowboards exist?

– Lucretia Ngong
Port Elizabeth, South Africa

Various individuals in the US made objects that we would today recognise as snowboards as early as the 1930s. Starting in the 1970s, bindings were added to snowboards, making it much easier to use. Snowboarding competitions were first held in the 1980s, and it was added to the Olympic programme in the 1990s.

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Why does ice dancing exist?

– Mónica Irapuato Vélez
Veracruz, Ver, Mexico

As with most ridiculous sports like ballroom dancing, cricket, and golf, ice dancing was invented in Britain. It is essentially ballroom dancing on ice: jumps and throws are not permitted, and the skaters must remain close to one another and perform to the rhythm of the music.

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Why does ski jumping exist?

– Adam Stockaye
Aberdeen, Scotland, UK

Because there are only two types of skiing possible in Norway: skiing around a flat course, which we call cross country skiing, and jumping off fjords.

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Why does the Korean Peninsula exist?

– Shaye Barrett
South Bakersfield, CA, USA

The Sea of Japan began to open during the Miocene Epoch, 15-20 million years ago. During that time, a land bridge formed across the Korean Strait. When the land bridge receded about two million years ago, the Korean Peninsula was isolated from Japan.

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Why does biathlon exist?

– Bianca d’Innortay
Brooklyn, NY, USA

Norwegian military regiments performed training exercises that combined cross country skiing and shooting as early as the 18th century. It eventually became a sport called military patrol, held at the first Winter Olympics in 1924. It returned to the Olympic programme as the biathlon in 1960.

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Why does mogul skiing exist?

– Agneta Kissakova
Berte, Slovakia

Because moguls and skis exist. And because those two things exist, people began to have competitions for it.

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Why does ice exist?

– Ri Gong Park
Gwangju, Korea Rep

Ice exists because water molecules are packed tightly at sufficient atmospheric pressure and cold temperatures. In these conditions, hydrogen bonds form between a hydrogen atom in one water molecule and the oxygen atom in another. The molecules form into a crystalline structure, which we call a solid.

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Why does skeleton exist?

– Logan Smith-Antschell
Minot, ND, USA

Because humans are vertebrates.