WEEKLY WHINE

Was your stack challenged?

Last week, we here at GoobNet introduced the GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge, a challenge wherein we challenged you to clear a stack.

So far, you have played a grand total of 1,133 challenges. The best performance is level thirteen, reached on three occasions. However, we are pretty sure that all three of those were Susana.

But how did you like the GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge? Did you feel that it successfully met its objectives? Did you feel that it successfully had objectives? Did you feel that objectives are a thing that challenges should have in the first place?

All these questions and more were found in your responses to us, which we found when we were perusing the GoobNet Mailbox this week. That, of course, is not the only thing we found in the GoobNet Mailbox, which is why we would like you to close any and all instances of the GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge that you may currently have open before we open the GoobNet Mailbox. The two are unlikely to interfere with one another, but on rare occasions, instances of fallen squares, incomplete quotients, and imaginary cube roots have been recorded. Do not take the GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge whilst operating heavy machinery. If your GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge lasts more than four hours, consult a physician.

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I like numbers!

– Kiki Feng
Toronto, ON, Canada

So do we. That is why we created the GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge.

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Why doesn’t it work? I typed 5, but it said it was wrong. Then it said the right answer was 5. What gives?

– Jennifer Son Park
Whistler, BC, Canada

The GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge Challenge Anomaly Resolution Team is on the case. Please provide them a full and complete log of all your keystrokes, mouse clicks, mouse gestures, facial recognition, browser history, sites visited, sites not visited, and sites that you tried to visit but then went someplace else when you couldn’t find the information that you were looking for or when you got sick of all the popup ads.

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I don’t have a mouse. I have a touch screen.

– Jennifer Son Park
Whistler, BC, Canada

In that case, please provide the GoobNet Clear the Stack Challenge Challenge Anomaly Resolution Team a full and complete listing of everywhere your finger has been in the last 90 days.

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I thought the Clear the Stack Challenge was fun, but I have one suggestion. If the shapes are color coded anyway, why wouldn’t you just ask for, like, the highest purple number, instead of the highest number in a circle? That would be easier to read, I think.

– Maia Hong
Toronto, ON, Canada

At first, we were going to do that. But in keeping with our longstanding policy on colour vision deficiencies, we decided to use shapes to distinguish the numbers. As you point out, the shapes are colour coded anyway, so those with a full complement of functioning cone cells can make use of that information.

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What about people who are completely blind? They wouldn’t be able to see the shapes at all.

– Maia Hong
Toronto, ON, Canada

The GoobNet Clear the Stack Audio Challenge is coming soon. We are currently hard at work seeking out the vocal talent: James Earl Jones and Will Arnett have not yet responded, Scarlett Johansson pretended that she couldn’t hear us and that she was driving into a tunnel, even though she totally wasn’t, and Tress MacNeille was too busy.

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She’s in everything.

– Maia Hong
Toronto, ON, Canada

Yes.

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How about an actual Clear the Stack challenge? You know, you’d make a stack of boxes, or plastic cups, or wine glasses, or something. Then we’d have to clear them away, one at a time.

– Lucy Oe
Gatineau, QC, Canada

That does not sound like the sort of thing that would appear on GoobNet. That sounds more like the sort of thing that would appear on The Cube.

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You know what would be awesome? The Cube World Tour! The Cube would travel all around the world and stop in front of random people’s houses. Then Philip Schofield would ring their doorbell and say, “Hello. The Cube has challenged you to play seven games to win £250,000! Come and enter the Cube!” Then they would say, “Wait. What’s the Cube?” Then he would say, “It’s that thing right there. See?” Then they would say, “That’s right on top of my flower bed!” Then he would say, “Well, they were never going to make it anyway. I mean, really. Golden comb orchids? In this climate?” Then they would try to punch him, but he would duck out of the way and then body slam them. Must see TV!

– Lucy Oe
Gatineau, QC, Canada

We here at GoobNet strongly support gardeners’ rights. People should be able to attempt to grow golden comb orchids if they are fully informed and aware of the risks. Go away.