WEEKLY WHINE

Please stand by

Looks like we went missing for a few days. Sorry about that.

There was a great big party at GoobNet headquarters when we turned on the big green switch that activated our server here at goobnet.net. Finally, we would no longer be held at mercy by the capricious whims of somebody else's hosting. We would dictate the terms of engagement for our own data.

Well, so much for that. Less than a week after that, our pipeline to the outside world collapsed for a bit. Then a bit more. Last week it went out and didn't come back. After a weeklong wait to get it fixed, we are now seemingly back to normal. But some people are impatient, and to show you just how dangerous that is, we'll take a peek at the GoobNet Mailbox. I bet a lot of other nasty messages didn't even get to us, so if yours isn't listed here, just send it again. We'll be happy to embarrass you by sending it to all of your friends after it's gone through the GoobNet Spell Unchecker.

Yo! WTF?! I need my fix of green text on a black background, and you're not here! What's a guy got to do to read green text on a black background? - Rich McLauren, Surrey, United Kingdom

Here's what a guy's got to do to read green text on a black background.

1. Open a text editor.
2. Type "green text on a black background".
3. Read what you just typed.

What if I'm a girl? - Jenny Malede, Durban, South Africa

Are you a girl?

No, of course not. What would make you think that? - Rich McLauren, Surrey, United Kingdom

We weren't talking to you. Go away.

Yes, I'm a girl. - Jenny Malede, Durban, South Africa

Okay then. In your case, don't bother. A number of studies have proven that girls don't like green text on black backgrounds. Sad but true. GoobNet is currently working on a cure.

As a feminist, I am highly offended by your generalised and unfounded statement about what women don't like. I demand a retraction and apology. - Rachel Scott, Gelsenkirchen, Germany

Do you like green text on black backgrounds?

Not really. - Rachel Scott, Gelsenkirchen, Germany

There you go.

What assurances do I have that GoobNet's service won't go down again? - Andrew Purpleblatt, Corpus Christi, TX, USA

Umm... well... how about this. We'd feel really bad if it went down again.

Oh great. That gives me loads of confidence in you. - Andrew Purpleblatt, Corpus Christi, TX, USA

Shut up.