WEEKLY WHINE

Leela and other silly names

Remember what happened this past week?

Come on. You must remember something. Ladan and Laleh Bijani? Tim Howard? Kobe Bryant? Randall Simon? MER B? Alessandro Pettachi?

Let's move on anyway. The GoobNet Mailbox this week contains references to all these people and/or things, plus more. Yes, it's all here on GoobNet, where you don't need to hit Ctrl-R to refresh your memory.

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What are the rules for the Edgar Wilson Award? - Ariel Logan, St Petersburg, FL, USA

In short, the rules are: Discover a comet. Don't get paid for it. Win the award.

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What kind of rover name is "Opportunity", anyway? - J Aaron Wright, East Sherman Oaks, CA, USA

It's a lousy name. Sofi, I think it's time somebody broke the news: "Spirit" and "Opportunity" are not names for rovers. They're names of WUSA teams.

Well, okay. One of them is. But don't be surprised to see an expansion team called the Portland Opportunity.

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So why did they give the Mars Exploration Rovers those dorky names? - Lindsay Rogers, Christchurch, New Zealand

It's because she's a cute little orphan whom they can parade in front of the cameras. Just because she's an orphan, you feel like you have to give her all that garbage? Leave her alone! She can do just fine on her own! She doesn't need you! She doesn't need anybody! - Deb Harratsch

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What's with her? - Imran Najid, Islamabad, Pakistan

What do you mean what's "with" me? There's nothing "with" me! Just stop it! Quit looking at me like that! - Deb

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So I heard that the girl who got bashed in that infamous sausage race incident is now trying to milk her instant fame. My question is, will we see her on The Bachelorette? - George Blunt, Hamilton, ON, Canada

Yes. Either that, or Beg, Borrow, and Deal. Or perhaps I'm a Processed Meat Product - Get Me Out of Here!.

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Here's a proposal for dirtiest headline of the year: "At last, Tracy thrills hometown with pole". - Kenny Clark, Alexandria, Egypt

Nope, that can't beat "Young Boys' Wankdorf erection woe".

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Why can't the East ever win a WNBA All-Star Game? - Sara Chartman, Cheyenne, WY, USA

I don't know. Why can't the East ever win a WNBA All-Star Game?

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I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. - Sara Chartman, Cheyenne, WY, USA

Shut up.