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NO TWELVE HOUR TIME PERMITTED BEYOND THIS POINT

WEEKLY WHINE

Turn off, tune out, Stump Edvard

The northeastern United States and southeastern Canada had too little electricity this weekend. Naturally, we Californians can sympathise and offer this helpful advice:

Ha ha! You suck!

So now that this is out of the way, let's turn to the questions posed by our readers to "Dynamite Eating" Edvard van de Kamp, our resident Mister Fun. Normally, about here we would offer a list of recent Weekly Whines about and/or by Edvard. But guess what: Now we don't have to! Just click the left and right arrows next to "Dynamite Eating Edvard" in the Whine Control above and to the right of this text.


Dear Edvard: What is so important about electricity? Why are all these New Yorkers acting like it's the end of the world or something? - Natividad Perkins, Rangoon, Myanmar

Dear Natividad: It's almost always the first utility everyone configures when they move to new homes. They're not really acting like it's the end of the world, actually. New Yorkers have been quite calm, and people elsewhere have also been taking it fairly well.


Dear Edvard: So what's your favourite story about the blackout? - Nick Kreskin, Lodz, Poland

Dear Nick: That would have to be the response of California governor Gray Davis, who said that California isn't vulnerable to such outages. And I think he was serious.


Dear Edvard: Were a lot of sporting events affected by the blackout? - Nigel Roeper, Saskatoon, SK, Canada

Dear Nigel: A few. A Giants-Mets game, a Comets-Liberty game, and a Sun-Rockers game were postponed. The WNBA games were rescheduled for the next two days, but the Giants and Mets are currently getting creative about how to squeeze in their game before the season ends.


Dear Edvard: Wait a minute. People actually voluntarily stood in the middle of busy New York intersections and helped direct traffic? - Rahvat Rajangmultah, Bristol, UK

Dear Rahvat: Yes. And not just in New York. I've heard of the same thing occurring in Toronto, and there's no telling where else people did that.


Dear Edvard: Are you surprised that the New York markets actually increased the day after the blackouts? - Antonio Fugidabowttit, Yonkers, NY, USA

Dear Antonio: Not really. So many traders had the day off that the results don't really mean anything. I do expect the markets to fall this week though, especially the utilities. Yeah, I know. That's about as obvious as the New York birth rate going up nine months from now.


Dear Edvard: Do you think the birthrate in New York will go up about nine months from now? - Linda Fïllar, Stockholm, Sweden

Dear Linda: Take a wild guess.


Dear Edvard: Wow, this blackout is really fun! I don't need my computer or my television set or my blender after all. Everyone should try it. Shit, I forgot: How'm I supposed to send this E-mail out? - Mike Crawford, Brooklyn, NY, USA

Dear Mike: You could try writing it down, mailing it to a friend in Chicago, and having him or her E-mail it out. Or you could walk to an unaffected city, like Washington, DC, and use a public library there.


Dear Edvard: Why did the entire Eastern Seaboard go down after just one little jolt in Ohio? - Charlotte Ickon, Dayton, OH, USA

Dear Charlotte: Because they're dumb.

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