WEEKLY WHINE

Would you really wear that?

Ready to get shirty?

Our users are, evidently. So, let's talk about the new outfits that various NBA teams are sporting. Orlando have the throwback shirts - or at least they would if they'd actually existed in the 1950s. Cleveland have the throwback shirts to their original colours of "wine and gold", and the Rockets are taking another crack at the Jetsons look, having failed horribly on their last attempt. And then there's the Denver Bruins - I mean Nuggets. But do the fans really like it? Only one place to turn, the GoobNet Mailbox. Just don't stare, as prolonged exposure to the GoobNet Mailbox can damage your retinas.

So how about those new Rockets duds? Pretty smooth, eh? - Norman Endrogen, Galveston, TX, USA

Yes. Although to be fair, the font in which the word Rockets appears looks kind of silly. It's all asymmetric and stuff, so it looks like the ink was thrown on there in a hurry. Or like they thought that they were already paying an Oscar winning costume designer so much, they had to use some custom font instead of just downloading TW Cen MT or something.

That new Nuggets logo, the "DN" one, is pretty neato, isn't it? - Vicky McHaddock, Perth, WA, Australia

Maybe, but explain this to us. How come the sky is yellow, and the mountain is sky blue?

So which of the new NBA uniforms this year are the best? - Patrick Amaechi, Newcastle, England, UK

I think we're going to have to go with the Cavs' outfits. If you kind of squint, and tilt your head to one side, and maybe close one eye, and wave a hand in front of your face, you'll look like a crazy fool. But whilst you're doing all that, the letters in "AVALIERS" will start to look like the Chicago font that Macs used to use, which in humour value is second only to the Commodore 64 font.

Do you know which fonts the new uniforms are in? - Eldridge Recasner, Atlanta, GA, USA

Yes. The Nuggets are in Blacksmith, the Suns are in a Blacksmith variant, the Cavs are in the aforementioned Chicago variant, the Magic are in Generic Old School Uniform, and the Rockets are in the aforementioned Expensive Consultant.

Okay, so which other teams are in dire need of changing their uniforms? - Pamela Standard-Behrer, Newark, DE, USA

The Sixers, obviously. Who's the idiot that said, "The best colours for a team called the 76ers are, obviously, black and gold!"? And remember last year when the Portland Trail Blazers put those little nubs on the upper left hand corner of each letter in "BLAZERS"? You've already noticed how stupid that looks, right?

Why do the Suns' new third shirts say "PHX"? - Rocky Anderson, West Valley, AZ, USA

Why not?

Well, not everyone knows that "PHX" is short for Phoenix. - Rocky Anderson, West Valley, AZ, USA

Yeah. That's a good point. We wouldn't want anyone to mistake them for that storied basketball franchise, the Pachaquaddok Happy eXaminers.

What? I've lived in Pachaquaddok Happy all my life, and I've never heard of the eXaminers! Where did they come from? - Tori Khanabal, Pachaquaddok Happy, MA, USA

Shut up.