WEEKLY WHINE

Welcome to the Humourless Era

If it's December, it's Stump Edvard with Edvard van de Kamp.

But this week we couldn't settle on any topics for Edvard. Instead, we've opened the lines and accepted questions on any subject. Or on no subject. So be ready to trigger your pride centre, because you'll need that emotion if you see your question for Edvard here. To connect with more stuff relating to "Dynamite Eating" Edvard, use the Whine Control, that silver and blue box at the upper right.

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Dear Edvard: So they're really going to kill Nozomi? - Keiko Ondo, Sapporo, Japan

Dear Keiko: Yes. The spacecraft had a stuck valve, communication problems, solar flare damage, and lots of other nasty stuff that we can't even begin to discuss here. Let's just say that it would have been quite a challenge to get the spacecraft into orbit safely. Now it will fly by Mars and then resume zooming about the solar system like an "artificial planet", as they like to call it.

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Dear Edvard: Don't you think they shouldn't have merged NASDA into JAXA? - Vernon Ichinawa, Yokohama, Japan

Dear Vernon: No. Word on the street is that there was a lot of arguing amongst the National Space Development Agency, the Institute of Space and Astronautical Science, and the National Aerospace Laboratory. Merging them all into JAXA, of course, isn't going to make it go away. But maybe they'll make that anger work for them instead of against them.

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Dear Edvard: The EU blows! - Jiri Radoslaw, Krakow, Poland

Dear Jiri: Do you have, like, a question or anything?

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Dear Edvard: Fine. Why does the EU blow? - Jiri Radoslaw, Krakow, Poland

Dear Jiri: They're trying to please everybody, but they've ended up pleasing nobody. Like that one Fresh Prince when Will wanted to please everybody, but he ended up pleasing nobody. Or was it Carlton?

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Dear Edvard: Which episode are you talking about? - Max Spoonwell, Altoona, PA, USA

Dear Max: Man, I don't know. But there has to have been a Fresh Prince episode like that. The early 1990s was the era of sitcoms as thinly veiled morality plays.

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Dear Edvard: So what would the early 2000s be the era of? - Russell Square, Glendale, CA, USA

Dear Russell: The era of sitcoms that aren't funny. I mean, who would have thought that someone could have two television shows, and the sitcom would be the one that isn't funny?

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Dear Edvard: How do you know Tony Kornheiser's sitcom isn't funny? What have you heard? - Quintina Larouche, Dedham, MA, USA

Dear Quintina: I was talking about Drew Carey. Who the hell's Tony Kornheiser?

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Dear Edvard: Why didn't the rest of the Rolling Stones get knighted? - Bobby Ramelow, Rushden, UK

Dear Bobby: Because they're dumb.