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WEEKLY WHINE

Stunted publicity

Here is GoobNet's team by team review of the American Capture the Flag League's 2005-6 regular season, along with a recap of the 2006 Flag Final between the Fermions and the Stimulants, won by Santa Fe at 06:18 UTC on TUE 18 APR 2005.

BOSTON NONDESCRIPTS

Losing seven of their first eight, Boston didn't seem to have things together until it was too late. Midway through the season, John Pidgeworth was shipped off to the Picketers, and Yuri Chornock arrived to help provide some needed veteran leadership. Expect the Nondescripts to reach the top half of the league again next year.
Record: 2-1-8 [7 pts]

LOS ANGELES LEMMINGS

The Lemmings' acquisitions over the offseason led many of us to think their place in the Flag Final was certain. But Jim Ruand and Veronique Lu, expected to be leaders on attack and defense respectively, seemed to be on different pages from their teammates all season; for example, in Match One, third year Picketer Amy Aldredge was sprinting down Santa Monica Blvd directly toward Lu, who neglected to telephone her teammates as she ran alongside. The two boarded a bus, and Lu again fucked up by failing to note its destination. Aldredge, of course, reached the airport easily.
Record: 3-1-7 [10 pts]

PHOENIX FIREBIRDS

They won the league in 2004 – and then performed poorly in that year's Champions League. This season, the Firebirds were in good shape at the end of JAN 2006, with twelve points, one behind Seattle and Cleveland. They wouldn't earn another point the rest of the season. Trina Vance, their 2004 MVP, was seen berating teammates Charlie Wakupu and Alex Thu after their Match Ten loss to the Insomniacs. Could a shakeup be coming?
Record: 4-0-7 [12 pts]

CHICAGO PLANKTON

In Match Eight, Chicago defeated Boston. It took the Plankton up to nine points and all but ensured that the once mighty Plankton wouldn't finish last for a third year in a row. You could see the relief on the faces of Marcus Cameron and DaShari Glass when they exited the plane at O'Hare carrying the Nondescripts' flag.
Record: 4-0-7 [12 pts]

HOUSTON CAPCOMS

The Capcoms' win over the Firebirds to close the season out may have been a meaningless match, but the team seemed to play with a new sense of purpose that hadn't been in evidence before. Irene Jaciewicz, the only Capcom still remaining from the 2004 team, said after arriving at Bush Airport, "For months after that last game two years ago, I couldn't get any sleep just thinking about how we let a place in the final slip away. I told them all about that in the hotel the other day. Guess it worked." It sure did, Irene.
Record: 4-1-6 [13 pts]

MYRTLE BEACH INSOMNIACS

They may be in seventh place, but other teams are starting to fear the Insomniacs. In Match Six against the Cabhounds, Mitch Bollitt and Laura D'Array welcomed a new strike partner, Lakeisha Truman, who had just arrived in a trade with Seattle. The three looked like they were destined to play together, as they appeared to stroll idly through different parts of Battery Park before suddenly converging on New York's flag – all within three seconds.
Record: 5-0-6 [15 pts]

NEW YORK CABHOUNDS

Wins in their last two matches would have sent the Cabhounds to the Flag Final for a second straight year. A collision with a Chicago cyclist, though, put Enrique Caballero out of commission for those last two matches, and the Cabhounds couldn't replace him.
Record: 6-0-5 [18 pts]

SAN FRANCISCO PICKETERS

Admit it. You groaned when the Picketers signed Frank Spaddey from Boston. Spaddey is the partner of Hector Huerres, making their team the first with a gay couple on their roster. But whilst we all coughed and said, "Publicity stunt!" under our breath, Spaddey and Huerres were working together on an intellectual level as well. The entire team seemed to share their intuition: on two occasions, Spaddey and his defensive cohorts were forced to guess which flight their opponents were due to leave on. Each time, they were correct.
Record: 6-1-4 [19 pts]

CLEVELAND IRONY

The Irony had the lead with three matches left to play, a shock to most observers who felt that their new draft picks needed time. Quite the contrary, Charlotte Fendrish, Blaine Bloom, and "Hyper" Harry Martinez were key pieces in the Irony's run at the Flag Final. Bad luck, and to some extent bad maps, was to blame for their three match losing streak that put an end to their final hopes.
Record: 6-1-4 [19 pts]

ATLANTA ANTIBODIES

They looked like a completely different team from last season after six matches. They had only seven points, and commentators were begging Kyle Cumberland to return to full time defense. The team stuck to their tactics, however, and their five straight wins nearly put them into the Flag Final.
Record: 7-1-3 [22 pts]

SANTA FE FERMIONS

Last year, Santa Fe missed the Flag Final on head to head. This year, they made the Flag Final on head to head. Their Match Three clash against Atlanta, as well as ultimately deciding their postseason fate, was also the consensus best match of the season. Unbelieveably, Waldo González, Douglas Rosecrans, June Rovelaar, Betts McKully, and Himiko Osuka recaptured their flag from the Antibodies' attackers at the Santa Fe airport twice in the same day.
Record: 7-1-3 [22 pts]

SEATTLE STIMULANTS

If you had a great defense like Seattle's, would you break it up for some attackers? Seattle did, and contrary to the conventional flag capturing wisdom, it worked. Truman and Lu were sent off to greener pastures, freeing up cash for free agents Bren Holland and Stu Somgold, plus midseason arrival Jacqueline James. After two matches as a fourth attacker, James took a page out of Cumberland's book, dashing back and forth from attack to defense. This was the difference in Match Ten, when she arrived in LA to make the attackers number four, equal to the Lemming defenders and thereby making their flag – and their place in the Flag Final – safe.
Record: 8-1-2 [25 pts]

2006 FLAG FINAL

The Stimulants broke into a panic just three days into the Flag Final. Penny Cuprick pulled the Seattle flag from an intersection near Pike Place Market, and the Stimulants somehow lost track of her getaway car. Instead, they camped out at Sea-Tac airport, hoping to spy their opponents at a ticket counter. Meanwhile, Cuprick was driving down the 5 to Portland, OR, where the team arrived the next day and boarded a plane, unmolested, to Santa Fe. It represented the first time that a Flag Final was won on a flight from a different state entirely.
Result: Fermions by sixty six hours

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