WEEKLY WHINE

Fastest finger fest

As you know, we here at GoobNet have a great number of ideas. Perhaps too many ideas, such as the one where all automobiles are equipped with remote shutdown devices such that when the driver does something incompetent and/or inconsiderate, other drivers may press a button on their dashboard, and when five people all vote against the same driver, that automobile is automatically shut down, even if it’s in the middle of the freeway.

Anyway, another of our ideas is to return the Fastest Finger question to the US edition of Millionaire. This season, after all, it has already made a great deal of changes, most of which appear to be oriented toward returning the intensity and drama that the show had earlier in its run. These changes include adding time limits, incorporating the Super Millionaire theme and lifelines, and giving the on-deck contestant a seat in the tiger pit.

So if the US edition of Millionaire was to bring back the Fastest Finger question, what sort of Fastest Finger questions could be asked? We turned to you, our readers, to compile this special edition of the GoobNet Mailbox: Fastest Finger Fest! Play along and try to beat the GoobNet players!

Put these footballers in order by when they scored their first World Cup hat trick, starting with the earliest.

1. Miroslav Klose
2. Gabriel Batistuta
3. Gary Lineker
4. Gerd Müller

– Alain Kerstheder
Berlin, Germany

Done.

And that’s time. The right order, starting with the earliest hat trick, is Gerd Müller in 1970, followed by Gary Lineker in 1986, Gabriel Batistuta in 1994, and finally Miroslav Klose in 2002.

– Alain Kerstheder
Berlin, Germany

Edvard got that one in 4.14 seconds.

Put these countries in order by their total number of Paralympic gold medals, starting with the most.

1. Netherlands
2. United States
3. Ireland
4. China

– Frank Saltalamecco
Napoli, Italy

Done.

Time is up. The answer, starting with the most, is the United States with 666, the Netherlands with 237, China with 232, and finally Ireland with 47.

– Frank Saltalamecco
Napoli, Italy

Nobody got the right answer over here.

Here’s a Fastest Finger question about the economy. Put these gigantic firms in order of their worthlessness, starting with the most worthless.

1. Lehman Brothers
2. Merrill Lynch
3. Bear Sterns
4. AIG

– Mark Kirkminster
Brooklyn, NY, USA

Done.

Here they are in the correct order. Bear Sterns is the most worthless, followed by AIG, Lehman Brothers, and finally Merrill Lynch.

– Mark Kirkminster
Brooklyn, NY, USA

Nina had the best time, at 5.32 seconds.

Put these gay celebrities in order by when they came out, starting with the earliest.

1. George Takei
2. Ellen DeGeneres
3. John Barrowman
4. Martha Stewart

– Nicola Bernardescu
Constanta, Romania

We’re all done, but Martha Stewart is straight.

Time’s up everyone. The correct answer, starting with the earliest to come out, is John Barrowman in 1993 or earlier, then Ellen DeGeneres in 1997, George Takei in 2005, and finally Martha Stewart in 2009.

– Nicola Bernardescu
Constanta, Romania

Edvard knows his gay celebrities. He got the right answer in only 3.88 seconds. And we’ll all be watching Martha Stewart next year [which would be a first] to see if your prediction comes true.

Put these Whose Line Is It Anyway games in order by how frequently they were played on the American version, starting with the most frequent.

1. Award Show
2. African Chant
3. Hoedown
4. Narrate

– Nick Fensser
Boston, MA, USA

Done.

And let’s see the answer in the correct order. It’s Hoedown the most frequent, of course, followed by Narrate, Award Show, and finally African Chant.

– Nick Fensser
Boston, MA, USA

Debbie is our winner here, in 4.40 seconds.

Put these Millionaire rule changes in order by their awesomeness, starting with the awesomest.

1. Double Dip
2. Ask the Expert
3. Time limits
4. Categories

– Julienn Wiltpeter
Salt Lake City, UT, USA

And we’re done.

So here’s the correct answer, and it’s the time limits, followed by Ask the Expert, the categories, and finally the Double Dip.

– Julienn Wiltpeter
Salt Lake City, UT, USA

Actually, the correct answer is Ask the Expert, the Double Dip, the categories, and then the time limits. Seriously, fifteen seconds for the first five questions? Who the hell wants to see people rush themselves and fuck up on the US$300 question? And it means the contestants don’t have time to be themselves.

Put these stellar spectral classes in order by the star’s atmospheric temperature, starting with the hottest.

1. A
2. B
3. K
4. O

– Meli Ann Sauverwetz
Normal, IL, USA

And we’re done.

Here’s the answer in the correct order. O is the hottest class, then B, then A, and finally K.

– Meli Ann Sauverwetz
Normal, IL, USA

Nina was the fastest, in 3.77 seconds. All of us got this one right.

Put these physical quantities in order, starting with the greatest.

1. Speed of light in vacuum on Earth’s surface
2. Speed of light in vacuum on the Moon’s surface
3. Speed of light in vacuum on the Sun’s surface
4. Speed of light in vacuum in orbit around Jupiter

– Anthony Kelabou
Los Alamos, NM, USA

They’re all the same.

Gotcha! They’re all the same!

– Anthony Kelabou
Los Alamos, NM, USA

Shut up.