WEEKLY WHINE

Prepare for what is coming

We here at GoobNet are ready to help you again. This time, we will do so by preparing another batch of GoobNet Misfortune Cookies. Peruse the following fortunes and vote at home to determine which one we will send to Joy Behar.

• TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO WEAR A TEARAWAY SHIRT
• YOUR LUCKY NUMBER IS FOUND SOMEWHERE ON PAGE 788 OF THE US ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE
• YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH HUGH JACKMAN
• PLAN FOR THE FUTURE. BUY AN UMBRELLA
• FIRST! [fortune cookie fail]
• WARNING!!! WE HAVE TRACKED YOU TO THIS FORTUNE COOKIE
• SPEND THIS WEEKEND READING SOME CLASSICS, LIKE AN 1897 EDITION OF THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
• STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR JOB – YOU’RE ABOUT TO BE LAID OFF
• THIS COOKIE CANNOT FIND THE FORTUNE SERVER. IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO LOAD ANY FORTUNES, CHECK YOUR COOKIE’S NETWORK CONNECTION
• YOUR MEMORY SERVES YOU WELL, ESPECIALLY YOUR MEMORY OF THAT TIME YOUR PANTS FELL DOWN
• GOOD MORNING. IT’S SEVEN O’CLOCK ON A MONDAY. OUR HEADLINES TODAY: YOUR WATER IS SHUT OFF, YOUR BELT IS TOO LOW, AND YOUR HAIRLINE IS RECEDING. THIS IS MATT LAUER, SPEAKING FOR AUDIO FORTUNE COOKIES
• CHANGE YOUR WAY OF THINKING FOR ONLY US$24.99 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING
• PLACE YOUR FAITH IN A HIGHER POWER: MALIA OBAMA
• YOUR HOROSCOPE IS RIGHT TODAY, IN KEEPING WITH THE PRINCIPLE THAT A BLIND SQUIRREL CAN STILL FIND THE OCCASIONAL NUT
• FORGIVE EVERYONE WHO HAS WRONGED YOU – IN REVERSE ALPHABETICAL ORDER
• YOUR SECOND COUSIN IS TOTALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU BUT DOESN’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING IN CASE THAT COUNTS AS INCEST