WEEKLY WHINE

That’s Depppreposterous

Many things happened in 2009. Do you think that many things should happen in 2010?

If not, good luck with that.

But for those who are realistic, 2010 offers the promise of many exciting things. The Winter Olympics. The 2010 Men’s World Cup. The California gubernatorial election. The International Year of Biodiversity. The opening of the Burj Dubai. Unix second number 1,270,000,000.

Are you looking forward to any or all of these events? Is there another event in 2010 that you think will be more important? We asked you, our friendly readers, and you answered. But, as usual, there was nothing friendly about your responses. So please keep your hands and arms inside the roller coaster from whichever Final Destination film the roller coaster was in as we open the GoobNet Mailbox.

I am looking forward to Johnny Depp in Alice in Wonderland. Johnny Depp is Depptacular!

– Katie Kysbert
Seattle, WA, USA

Can anyone explain the appeal of Johnny Depp? He’s a funny looking guy with funny looking glasses. But put him in a pirate hat and give him an effeminate run, and all of a sudden women are all over him.

Yes, I can explain the appeal of Johnny Depp. He’s Depperiffic!

– Taylor Lawton
Beverly Hills, CA, USA

So Johnny Depp’s appeal is to generate a telepathic field that makes people twist his name into adjectives?

The best films of the year will be Wall Street 2, Eclipse, Toy Story 3, The Strangers 2, and Iron Man 2.

– William Blake Burrey
Madison, TX, USA

Sorry, Sex and the City 2.

I cannot explain the appeal of Johnny Depp, but he is certainly appealing. I know I want to operate the register at his haberdashery. It could be called Deppsational Hats.

– Wen Jialuen
Marina Del Rey, CA, USA

Thanks Wen. Now I know what to get for your birthday.

I am looking forward to MacGruber. Also A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas.

– Todd Spangowicz
Sailbuhrer, TN, USA

What? MacGruber? As in the SNL sketch? They’re making that into a film? Did they not learn their lesson from The Ladies Man?

Although many things are expected to happen in 2010, the one that I am looking forward to most is The Three Stooges with Paul Giamatti as Larry. He was born for that role.

– Chris Pantaletta
Exeter, England, UK

Really? That’s a new perspective. What about Moe and Curly? What present day actors should be portraying them?

There is a shocking number of remakes scheduled this year. There is Red Dawn, Gulliver’s Travels, Alice in Wonderland, The Karate Kid, and Nightmare on Elm Street. Are there no original ideas any more?

– Ramona Quimby
Tarrytown, NY, USA

What? You’re asking for original ideas? But what about your name? Your own name is unoriginal! You’re... oh, forget it.

I cannot explain my appeal either. I’m just a Depppedestrian, Deppordinary person.

– Johnny Depp
Los Angeles, CA, USA

Well, I guess I can ac-Depp-t that.

Dammit!